I always feel like, somebody's watching me.*

Happy belated Memorial day!

This weekend felt like forever and made going to work this morning all the more difficult! Saturday morning I got up super early (okay, not that early) and ran a 5k. As you may recall from my 10k experience in April, I was a bit nervous to run. I know it was only three miles and I always know that I don't have strep, but the 10k left a bad taste in my mouth. I was nervous of how I would do, and even more nervous that if it didn't go well I would shun running for life (which would suck because I have signed up for a half marathon).

My roommate, Amber, came to run this one with me since Kat cancelled (yes, I just called you out). Amber and I got to the start line and got up near the front, I've always wanted to get up near the front. So I am in "the runners section" and they announce that if you cannot complete it in 20 minutes or less please stay away from the front line. I was relieved to find that I wasn't the only one scooting away from the front, in fact, most everyone was backing away. Behind me there was an older woman, maybe in her late 60's (no joke, white hair and all) and an official came up and asked her what her mile time was. I was thinking, "Oh crap! They're checking us all out!" The woman (remember how old) said, "9 to 10 minutes". She seemed nervous, like she was thinking the same thing I was. Would they remove the "slower" runners from the section? So the lady asked the official why she asked and the official says, "This lady's (point to woman) son is running the race on his own and we were looking for someone to run with him." So the old woman turns to the mom and asks what his time is and the mom says the last 5k he ran he finished in like 23 minutes.

Boys...they are naturally faster runners and it peeves me a little. Anyway, so then I was sitting there thinking, out of all the people in the runner's section you pick the visibly oldest woman to see if a boy who can run a 5k in 23 minutes can run alongside her? Struck me as a bit odd.

Needless to say, I had picked my mark. Usually when I run races I pick a child to keep up with, I guess it's easier for me because I feel that if a child can do it then I should be able to. Children are reckless runners though, they expend all their energy in quick burst, and then worst of all, it doesn't take them long to recoup. I can't run like that. Anyway, this old woman, with her 9-10 mile was exactly where I wanted to be, so I picked her. I kept my eye on her for the first mile or so, and then somewhere between 1-1.5 miles, I passed her. From there I just pretended to be running my 3 mile "track" through my neighborhood.

My goal for the 5k was 30 minutes. Last year when I ran the 5k I did it in about 33 minutes. When I came around to the finish line and saw the clock I picked up the pace and crossed the finish line at 28:51. I was extremely happy.

You would think that this success would pep me up for the half marathon, but really it only made me more nervous. A 5k is just a fraction of a half marathon, but I'm determined to do it now.

That was just like Cary, I thought she was going to kill us all.*

I didn't even shout out that Friday night I went to a farewell dinner for my friend, Ashley. She will be leaving for an 18 month mission to Arizona. Sorry Ashley! That's how crazy my weekend was. I am also really proud of Ashley for making this big decision and big commitment! I am always in awe of missionaries who basically put their lives on hold for 18 - 24 months! I couldn't imagine doing that, but then again, I've always been kind of a selfish person. At the same time, I am a little envious that she gets to focus completely on missionary work and the gospel for 18 whole months.

The dinner was good, we all went around the table and shared one thing we loved about Ashley. I may have said more than one thing but I've never been good at following instructions. Then Ashley said that she felt like she should say something about each person in return and everyone was like, "No, this is your night" and I said, "Call me, I want to know" (again with the selfish/self centered). So she told me that my blog makes her laugh so hard, which surprised me a bit because sometimes I don't think it's very funny (I mean, one hopes but never knows) and then she brought up that two funny posts were the 5 best and 5 worst dates, so I'm thinking she's going to share with me how funny the 5 worst are. Instead she said that the 5 best made her laugh (and feel sorry for me) because even my best were bad...ouch? But then I thought about it, and she's probably right, but man did they make good stories!

Just in case you missed it:
Top 5 Best

Top 5 Worst

She looks like Magnum P.I. for goodness sakes.*

If you are reading this it means you weren't taken up in the rapture...I'm not sure exactly what to say to you. Congratulations? Sorry? You're in good company?

As you can tell by the very fact that I am writing this it means I wasn't taken either.

Or I was but they have blogger here too and I didn't want to gloat. It's so bright here and there's tons of gold. Good thing it happened at 6 pm, I was outside at a BBQ with my sunglasses on, so at least my eyes are protected from all the heavenly brightness. They have amazing snickerdoodles here too.

Mmmm, snickerdoodles.

Anyway, this weekend was crazy busy! I kept forgetting that the end of the world was supposed to happen. My roommate, Amber, graduated from VCU school of Pharmacy this weekend. I went to the hooding ceremony on Friday. I felt like such an underachiever as they hooded those students who also received their Ph.D or Masters. "So-and-so, her thesis, Ionic compounds of molecular dysentery pertaining to a totalitarianistic autoimmune system." (note: don't read in to that, you might realize I'm full of crap). Great, a full of crap underachiever. But I was really happy for these people, obviously they had worked hard to get to where they are. I was very proud of my roommate, I don't even have to imagine that Pharmacy is a program that will kick your butt, I semi-experienced it. It kicked my butt trying to understand what my roommate said when I listened to presentations or when she would go off on a patient case she found fascinating. I should have been hooded somehow - I mean, I know what necrotitis facsciitis is now (you don't want to know).

Point being - super proud of my roommate for her accomplishment!

Saturday morning was also crazy busy. I did some yard work and attempted to mow the lawn (until the lawn mower said it was just too much and died). I entered into a fake Facebook relationship over a two hour breakfast at Cracker Barrel. I got all the hair removed from my face (resulting in a 5 lbs weight loss and a compliment (I think) on my chin). I went grocery shopping, cleaned a bit of my room, got furniture out of the attic, finally got a shower around 2pm, baked a little, my roommate had a graduation BBQ, I got taken up in the rapture (kidding...obviously), then I had Q&A and ice cream thing at church, ice cream, and then a late night eating with some friends.

About the rapture, I have decided that what we were really waiting for was the raptor (of which I saw none). So then my friends and I started to make little raptor arms. I mean, talk about scary, waiting around for a raptor to come get you. If that's the case, count me as one of the lucky ones for Saturday, the raptor passed me over.

Sunday was pretty busy too by the way, I had visiting teaching, a meeting, church, dinner at Jo's. It doesn't sound like much, but it was exhausting (could have been residual from Saturday though). All I know is that by 5 o'clock all I had had to eat was a bowl of cheerios so I was cranky. I was so happy to finally get some food in my system. I was falling asleep on my sister's couch and when I got home I was ready to crash...which I did.

How was your weekend? Did we lose anyone to the rapture (or worse, the raptor)??

I've got a news flash for you Walter Cronkite*

I wanted to do a first quarter update, but I think I forgot. I either forgot to do the update or I forgot I've done the update...if it's the later, I apologize.

Anyway, I had ten "resolutions" for 2011.

1. Read 50 books - this one is the one you get updated on the most (monthly actually). I am at 18. According to my calculations I am right on track.

2. Run a half marathon - I am signed up, so it looks like this one will be completed.

3. Budget - dangit. Does it count that I look at it from time to time and that for about a week at a time I get really good at writing things down? Probably not.

4. Finish my third story - Check. I finished it a lot faster then I thought I would. Now I am getting ready to send the first one to a literary agent and I am working on a completely new story.

5. Lose Weight - 2 pounds....2 pounds anyone? I don't know, I think I've lost. As I begin training for the 1/2 marathon I'm pretty certain I'll lose some more.

6. Get motivated at work - This week aside, I think I've done a pretty good job so far. My boss keeps telling me that she has been really impressed with my work. If I don't get promoted this year this goal might be "Find a new job" come 2012.

7. Reduce Debt - Well I'm paying down debt, the car and at least half the lien should be paid off by December - but now my AC is broken and I will be replacing it...one thing in exchange for another huh?

8. Home Improvement - Thanks to Murphy's law this goal is always being worked on. The fence has begun, the new AC is coming soon. Not quite what I had in mind for home improvement but you do what you have to first.

9. Learn to Compromise - uh....I still need help on this one. I believe it also extended to improving my relationships with people. So...I am trying, I hope people will notice a difference soon.

10. Work on my serious theme - If you don't remember, my serious theme for the year is "Choose the good part", meaning charity and incorporating the teachings of Christ more into my life. I'm not going to lie, this usually gets ignored in first quarter. I had two really great experiences last week with two different sets of Elders that really helped me to refocus on my theme (kind of a big reminder when the Elders come over to have a lesson with you on Charity). I usually pick it up on the personal theme right about....now.

So there's me, holding myself accountable.

We're dead! We're dead! We survived by we're dead!*

So...I've done it. I've signed up for the half marathon in November. Now for the next 177 days I get to walk around with a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I may have just voluntarily signed up and paid for my death. Really, I don't think that I'll die, I just think I'll feel like death, and death is one miserable little being. It was on the list of things to accomplish this year but after running attempting the 10k a few months ago I was ready to just give up on that sticker

...But I'm not getting any younger. Next year my knees, feet, muscles, lungs, etc. will be worse, my body is depreciating people! I need to run this while the running can be done. Special thanks to Marissa who has an incredible knack for peer pressure, and also thanks to everyone who has been telling me that I can do this! I sincerely hope that they are right.

In other impulsive sign-up news...I signed up for a kickball team today. You read that right, a kickball team. I don't really remember kickball from my youth, but something tells me that it kind of just explains itself. You kick....a ball...then you run like crazy towards a base. Got it. I can kick, and I can run, but something tells me I won't be any good at this sport. Why do I keep doing this stuff?

I'll tell you why, because at some point in my life I decided to be a 'yes' kind of person (well it's more of a, "um, okay, sure" person). You want to run a 1/2 marathon? Um, okay, sure! You want to go to Delaware? Um, okay, sure! You want to play kickball? Um, okay, sure! See how this works? But hey, at least I don't have the feeling/regret that I am missing out on something. Anyway, wish me luck on both these crazy endeavors.

Any of ya'll signing up for races or sports team lately? Or doing anything spontaneous for the upcoming months?

Cows! I hate cows worse than coppers!*

Today I saved my dad's life...okay, okay - in all reality I only caused him to get a muddy bum. Here's how it went down.

My dad and I made plans to get up bright and early and take down the filtration system in my backyard. No longer having a well = no need for this big, heavy, eyesore in the backyard. I thought it would be easy. Get the truck, cut the filtration chords, go to the dump, return the truck, job well done. Let's eat.

First Wrench - I slept until 8:30 coupled with Dad making waffles at his house at 8:30. We are already 30 minutes behind on our tentative schedule.

Second Wrench - Dad's got three kids (four if you count Sam asleep in her room) all by himself.

Third Wrench - Dad's got to make two trips because he's got to go back and get Sam before 11.

Fourth Wrench - We turn off the power and water to the filtration system and then realize that the water still comes up through the pipes, through the filtration system, back under the house. We can't just remove the filtration system, we have to figure out how connected it is and then fix it.

So we (and by 'we' at any point in this entry I mean my dad - but I watched...most of the time) start sawing PVC pipe and taking down the Rubbermaid shed that held the filtration system. I ran to Lowe's and picked up some PVC elbows and exterior electrical boxes (don't I sound handy?!)

I did have a good idea though. After we (dad) removed the Rubbermaid shed there was a large patch of mud right where we (dad) would need to kneel. I looked at the fence gate I took down a few months ago and said, "How about a piece of fence?" Genius Jessica. Insert "Dad Praise" here. He puts the wood down and sits, getting to work.

That's when it happened, this muddy bum business (MBB). I was standing behind Dad when I something large and black caught my eye five feet eleven inches below. A FREAKING HUGE SPIDER! The size of the spider didn't bother me as much as the sheer size of its bum did (I later explained to Dad that this is what the kids today mean when they say "junk in the trunk" - instead of actually having junk in their car trunk like dad did).

"Dad," I cried out in code red panic, my finger pointing towards the spider but at the same time my arm itching to get further away. I wondered how high that spider might be able to jump. "Oh Dad, spider." (Yes - college graduate here, and worth every penny). "Dadddddddd, Spiderrrr!" I cry out, pointing as the spider lifts one of its shiny black legs towards Dad's shirt, I stood mortified, afraid that if the spider made its way on to Dad's shirt I would have to act...and acting meant in some form or fashion touching the spider. Whether with the flick of a finger, kicking with my shoe, or grabbing a stick...somehow I would come in contact. I needed Dad removed from this situation and I need it done RIGHT THEN!

At this point Dad is trying to move but he doesn't know exactly where the spider is, his college graduate daughter is broken and can't even think fast enough to tell him whether it's to the right or to the left. He feels his life is in peril by the sound of my voice, he senses the urgency of the moment. I watch in horror as his hand begin to move right, then left, hovering in the air, ready to land at any moment...his right hand is just above the spider. I can't have him touching the spider - I might throw up. I can't get the words though, sounds like, "Uh, um, er," spill out of my mouth like some "hot and cold" game. In the mess of it Dad's hands or feet or possible both slip. His back end comes off the fence and lands on the muddy ground, while I am happy to report, his hands land away from the spider.

"Sorry," I say as I watch the spider, still pointing.

Dad picks up a shovel and scoops up the spider, tossing him further away from me. Because he is such a good Dad he doesn't let the spider off the hook (knowing I will not be able to sleep if he lives - I've been traumatized by the size of that spider's butt). He takes the shovel and cuts the spider in half. Let that be a lesson to any boy who tries to mess with me...my dad will cut you in half...maybe, if not, my brother-in-law will.

So that is the story of the soggy bottom dad.

I'll find strength in pain, and I will change my ways.*

So here is a general update on my life. I don't know if I do these often. I prefer stories that keep you far away from really knowing what is going on...

1. I got a new roommate! Her name is Kami, she's here for work from UT, and so far I really like her. She's got spunk and I've always respected spunk. She's also barely there. I know that doesn't sound like a good thing to like about your roommate, but you have to consider the source - I'm kind of a hermit who prefers to be left alone. So a roommate who isn't all up in my space will fit in just fine. I like her enough though that I don't mind shooting the breeze with her for a few hours randomly here and there.



2. I am officially the institute council president - I guess I had been acting president for the last year, but I officially got called to the council a few weeks ago, and then it was decided I was to remain president. Since then we've had 2.5 meetings and we have an awesome activity coming up in June (if you are in Richmond you should come!) The .5 was because we were supposed to have a meeting after class yesterday but too many people were talking to Brother J. and it never happened.



3. I have gotten back into running (watch me not go tonight). I am still having trouble breathing, but I am going to chalk it up to being out of shape/practice. I ran two miles straight on Monday and it felt like dying good. Tonight is 3 (wish me luck!) Sometimes I wonder if I am still sick or sick again, but I can't let myself think about it right now, I have to redeem myself with my 5k time on the 28th!



4. I'm still having home-ownership pains which I am told to expect for the rest of my life or until I enter a retirement community. The AC isn't working, I was told it's 14 years old (typical life span of an AC unit is 7-15 years). Eek. I am getting an estimate on it on Friday, but I am not expecting any sort of good news. Those things can run in the $8,000 crowd from what I have heard. So I won't even ask you to wish me luck, this is something that may have to wait until next year's tax returns (don't worry roommates, they'll let me pump in the freon to get us through until then). ...I just want to finish my fence, get new siding, replace the windows, get a new fridge, put in a stone patio, and have grass in my front yard! Is that so much to ask!?

That's kind of it for now actually, but I already know that I will have some more to post later this week, so stay tuned!

Oh...that's super inappropriate.*

Yesterday, on my way to church, I drove past one of the elementary schools. I happened to read the sign at the front of the school and it struck me as funny, so I thought I would share. Unfortunately I didn't get a picture, that would have been amazing. Maybe I'll drive by sometime this week with the hope that no one wised up and changed it. It read:

Cougar teachers are Priceless!

As I would say, this wasn't very well thought out.

As Marissa would say, there is a price, probably 7 years in prison.

You know how I said they had singing in Cincinnati? I lied.

I was talking to my friend the other day and I went off on a tangent (surprise surprise. right?) I started to talk about the men who shaped my "ideal man". Let's take a look shall we?

I spent quite a few Friday nights with this man:

I would love to spend plenty of Friday nights with his remake.
Besides the point. Dream Man Shaper number 2:
Ah, the next generation of Friday nights, or was it Sunday, or was it on several nights a week...childhood can be such a blur.

And last but not least:
As my friend put it, these men were the standard by which all men in my life would be judged. Handsome, adventurous, and slightly rugged men. "Don't forget intelligent!" I added, because let's be honest, all three are quite intelligent, you'd have to be to be an archaeologist/professor, captain of a space ship, and first in command of a space ship.

And some little girls only fall in love with Disney Princes.

Dancing Phalanges!*

In college I got a black nose. A nice little bruise across my nose that was visible in any and all pictures. I know this not because my memory is great and grand (because it is not) but because there are pictures to prove it. I went to Washington to visit my friend, Tami, during spring break. In almost all the pictures I am in I can see my bruised nose.

I was looking at one of these pictures a couple of months ago and racked my brain for the story. How on earth did I get a bruised nose? The only thing that I do know is that it was during a sport. Which sport? Beats me. It would have been spring, so it either happened at the tail end of basketball or....something. I just know it was a sport, ok!?

Anyway, in case you weren't aware, I have always thought it would be a little bit awesome if I got a black eye while playing a sport (so you can see why I was disappointed in college to receive a black nose instead).

Last night I played frisbee and right in the beginning of the game a member on my team threw the frisbee to me, this guy on the other team jumped out and it hit his hand but still came at me, but instead of being ready for it now (because said guy had gotten in the way) I was unprepared, I didn't think he wouldn't get it. And then it happened. The frisbee smacked me right in the eye and no one asked me if I was okay! No one! I mean, I get it, I'm tough and I probably would have hated the attention anyway, mostly because I thought I was going to cry and didn't want them to see. But you could at least pretend like you are a little concerned and ask from a distance if I am alright so I at least have the opportunity to say, "Yeah, I'm fine, keep playing." Whatever.

The point, it really hurt. My vision was a little messed up in that eye for a while and I kept thinking, "My eyeball isn't round anymore I just know it!" My nose hurt, the corner of my eye hurt, and my eyeball hurt. I thought that this time I would get a black eye.

I kept playing though and by the end of the night forgot about it until I was driving home with a headache and a very sensitive nose.

When I got home I recounted the story to my roommate who thought I had a black eye. This is the conversation after I stated that I might get a black eye:

Amber - I can see it
Me - It's probably mascara because my eye was crying.
Amber - no, it's right under the eye, it's not make-up
Me - It's probably what my eyes normally look like, I have dark circles
Amber- no, that's not it, it's this eye right? (pointing to the eye that had nothing to do with this).
Me - No. See!

Then I went to the bathroom to check it out, a red mark on my nose, and two dark circles under my eyes (the dark circles are the ones I always have). Lame.

Superhuman good looks, I've always had them. Born with it. *

Not a whole lot to report here. It's raining today. I dyed my hair last night and lost yet another round of Settlers of Catan (I used to win - I can almost remember how it feels to win a game).

Just waiting for something amazing I guess.*

Monday at work, Catherine brought this note up to me saying she found it in her mailbox. I think it describes things pretty well. It is now hanging up in my workstation.

Drama, drama, drama.*

As you know, I have a fake fiance. Well, I should say had. Read all about the beginnings HERE and HERE. But if you don't feel like reading through all of that (I wouldn't), just know that Matt and I got fake engaged at the last Regional Activity on the way to the Ice Skating Rink. We had made plans to get married in March because Matt wants 10 kids and I'm not getting any younger.

March came and went and we weren't married, then I got strep throat (remember?) and my symptoms apparently mimicked those of pregnancy...how could I resist?? How could anyone resist?? That's right, I am now fake pregnant with triplets.

Several people knew before Matt did. I thought Marissa had broken the news to him, so when I ran into him at a party I decided we needed to talk about this, I mean, he should have known first that I was pregnant with his fake children. So I approached him and tried to apologize for not telling him first, but it quickly became apparent that he didn't know what I was talking about, so I told him. "We're going to have triplets." He had been eating and nearly spit his food out, but not in anger or shock, but complete joy. He was so excited! That's a relief, especially for an out of wedlock fake pregnant girl.

Life continued as normal for a while, I would randomly throw out there that I was pregnant with triplets and I would get people to feel my stomach ("Want to feel my baby kick?") and then I would kick them as soon as their hand went to my stomach - muhahaha!

One Sunday in church, Matt was sitting in front of me and one of the talks seemed to be all about marriage, Matt turns to me and says, "I feel like this talk is directed at me." I put my hand on his shoulder and said, "It's fine, as long as we're married before the triplets are born we'll be okay." He laughed and nodded.

Then a few weeks ago I was at another activity and I was walking with his roommate, Jesse, to the bon fire and I mentioned something about my triplets and Jesse gave me a hard time about it because we weren't married. I told him that if we wanted 10 kids we couldn't wait and Jesse says, "You're having 12". I said, "Matt and I agreed on 10". Jesse shook his head, "Well, I'm saying 12." I looked over at him , "I knew you were going to be a problem."

While I was away in DE and NJ not being impressed there was another activity. Obviously, I wasn't there, but it affected my fake life greatly. I was talking to Amber on the night I returned to VA and mentioned something about my fake engagement and she said, "You and Matt are finished." "What?!" I didn't believe her and she went on to tell me that Matt says we're finished because my friend Jim kept saying that I was with his roommate, Mike. Matt felt two timed and wouldn't stand for it so he kept insisting that it was over. So Amber fake hit on my fake fiance! It's not the first time either, it's why I told her she couldn't be my fake maid of honor.

I immediately got on Facebook (the only way I know how to get in touch with my fake fiance) and wrote on his wall, "Wait...It's over!?" I mean, who breaks off a fake engagement with a fake pregnant girl without saying a word to her? Then I quickly added, "And in my condition!" All I got back was that he hit "like" on my post.

Friday night we had an Acoustic night and I went with the hopes of confronting Matt about our silent break-up, he agreed that it wasn't right that I didn't know we had broken up and I asked him if we could give it another try. He said we could, but I wasn't sure if he meant with our fake relationship or with breaking up the right way, because he put his hand on my shoulder and gave me an impish smile that could have been taken either way.

Anyway, I have to admit I rather enjoy the drama of a fake life. Is it possible to be living vicariously through a pseudo self?

You're doing it, you're playing with us!*

January - 4

February - 3

March - 4

April - 5

Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling - Okay - so this was the first book that I committed myself to reading when I have already seen the movie. Normally, I cannot read a book once I've seen the movie (i.e. I to this day cannot read Emma because I saw the movie...and then also "Clueless". This is a sad fact, I know). I started this book and ended up finishing "I am Legend" (attempt 2 at reading a book after seeing the movie). Two good things here, I Am Legend is so different from the movie I ran into NO problems whatsoever and I saw the first Harry Potter movie so long ago that I wasn't sitting here thinking, "Goodness I know what's going to happen already just get there!" I remembered enough to picture it in my head with little to no effort, but forgot enough that I found it enjoyable.

P.S. I am trying to finish all seven books before the last movie comes out (Thanks for the challenge Evan!)

The Book of Mormon by The Hand of God - I double checked this one with Gretel to see if it counts, she said that all the standard works would count as their own book...so - yay! I have no critque on this one. All I have to say is that I get something new from it everytime!

Broken Things to Mend by Jeffrey R. Holland- Such a good book! Of course, Holland is one of my favorites so I am a little biased. I really loved the chapter about the power of words.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling - I might be a little bit addicted.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling - Okay, maybe A LOT addicted.