Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!*

This weekend I did a photo shoot with Nora.

Hey cowgirls, see the grass? Don't eat it.*

Katy and I merged two months for the photo challenge.  We just got stuck in April because we had randomly drawn "fire" from the choices.  No one does fire in April.  We will intentionally do that one in the fall or winter.  So for May - we had documentary.  I "documented" making granola bars and then Katy edited a few.  She said I should get prints and put them up in the kitchen - what do you guys think?

Shoo Fly, Don't Bother Me.*

My sister-in-law will randomly post her dreams on Facebook accompanied by pictures.  I really like this cause it helps me try and imagine what she is seeing in her dreams.  So in SIL form - here is my dream/nightmare from this morning.

It started in the church building.  There was some unseen monster moving through the building attacking people (I can't remember if it killed them or just injured them).  As Dream Jessica, I remembered someone telling me I was the only person who could defeat this monster because I could read her mind BUT she could read mine.  So we would always know each other's moves - but at least I wouldn't die as quickly as someone else might.

So I'm standing in the hallway and it's clear the monster was in one of the rooms because things were being thrown all around.  My heart raced in my chest and I turned and ran to this patio (like what would be attached on a lake house).  I look for the dagger I've been given.

But the dagger's gone, the monster's approaching and all I saw was a Kitchen Aid knife.

I grab it and turn.  The monster came through the door and she looked like Aughra from The Dark Crystal -

Except not as friendly looking.  I lunged at her, testing whether or not she could predict my moves but I think she could read in my thoughts that I was too scared to stab her because she seemed unfazed by everything.  As Dream Jessica, I kept waiting for my brother to come and shoot her while I tried to stab her.  I really didn't want to stab her, I didn't want to know what it felt like.

At one point I had her out of the house and onto the deck.  She rolled down the stairs and stopped at the bottom level where she lay still (not dead - not even POSSIBLY dead)

I told her she had to live out there, but we'd get her a cot to sleep on (we're so nice).  Then I acted natural as I went back into the house, but my heart raced the whole time!  I locked the door and crouched down behind a bookshelf.  I kept telling myself to wake up, or at least hang in there until my body woke up (which I thought unusual).  I heard her slow, heavy footsteps on the stairs and then her massive frame blocked the sun.  She jiggled the door handle.  Then the door creaked open and I kept picturing myself attacking her from behind the doorway just ahead.  Since she could read my thoughts, she headed toward the other doorway - ready for an attack.  I kept picturing myself hiding behind the other door with the knife in my hand while I sneaked up from behind.

Luckily I woke up before I had to kill her.

But - that's my dream from this morning.

I can't help but wonder if it was trauma induced.  Last night I hit my arm on one of those accordion walls at church.

There's a metal hook on the end so it can lock into the wall - I think that's what I hit.  It kind of hurt at first but I was like, "I'm okay." Cause I'm a klutz and don't want to draw attention to myself.  But then I hid it because I wasn't sure if it was bleeding and then it just stung....a lot.

Here's to a quick recovery.

Your breath done killed me to death!*

Have you ever heard the story of the boiling frog?

It goes something like this:  If you put a frog into boiling water it will jump right out.

Photo from Wikipedia 

But if you heat the water slowly, so slowly the change is near impossible to notice, the frog stays in the pot

Photo from Wikipedia

And then he basically dies (sorry, but that's how the story goes).

I was talking to my BFF the other day about the things we accept in life.  More so, the treatment we accept from others.   This has come up in several conversations I've had with people recently.  The idea that we must hate ourselves to put up with mistreatment from another person has come up in almost all of those conversations.  I’ve been guilty of saying the same thing, “I must have hated myself to date so-and-so for so long”.  But when my BFF said she must have hated herself to continue putting up with someone’s treatment my knee jerk reaction was, “No, that’s not it.”  We are so hard on ourselves at times.  Sometimes someone we care about has to go through something similar and we realize we were wrong as to our assumptions of why we do or don’t do something.

As soon as I said, “No” I realized I should offer what it could be.  I sat there for a few terrifying seconds, I spluttered and I’m certain I said, “It’s just not it.”

In moments I tried to analyze my own behavior and hers and those of my other friends to redefine why we accepted what we did.   Then I remembered the story of the frog.  No one I talked to would have accepted mistreatment if it was the first thing the other person had offered.  Rather, we were all pulled in for different reasons and then things changed.  I don’t want to point a finger of blame and say this person is bad and that person is the victim.  Life changes and relationships change and if we don’t take care, we can either find ourselves in the pot of water or even as the person turning up the heat.  Things we did not find satisfactory before become more and more tolerable until one day we realize what we've been putting up with and wondering if it is because we hate ourselves.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the way we treat people.  There are people that use others like doormats, people we take out our stress and emotions on, people we ignore, people we love them, and people we hate. 

I think we have misconceptions about who we are and our relation to others.  Recently, someone said, “You don’t have to be friends with everyone, but you do have to be kind.”  Another thing this fountain of wisdom said, “React as though people mean no harm” (Okay – I paraphrased there).   I think these are two bits of good advice.

You don’t have to be friends with everyone, but you do have to be kind.  I’ve never been a person who found meanness to be something easy, but I have met many people who seem to.  What do you gain from belittling someone?  What can be gained from spreading rumors about someone, from giving them the evil eye, from trying to exclude them? Long lasting happiness cannot be found in this.  Temporarily you may feel better, justified even, but demeaning others does not elevate you.  Turning your nose down toward another because of race, social class, religious beliefs, mistakes, sense of humor, personality, talents, quirks, etc. will do nothing to enhance who you are.  The people I admire most are in fact, the people who raise others.  The people who do not join in excluding others, the people who look for the good in them.

Elder Holland gave a great talk, Laborers in the Vineyard, in which he addresses this issue of feeling that someone else’s gain must mean your loss.  That is simply not true.  I've thought several times over the last few weeks about one thing he said:

I wish more people understood this.  You don't have to tear someone else down to feel better about yourself.  You have to understand who you really are and that we don't fall down when we lift another up.

The other thing: React as though people mean no harm.  I really need to work on this one myself.  I can only imagine how much happier I will be once I start to get the hang of it.  How much easier life will be if we we are kind and assume others are kind in return.    

It's a Jungle Out There*

I accidentally deleted this post but was able to resurrect it through feedly.com! Oh goodness - I about had a heart attack when I deleted it!

I guess one thing I didn't realize - when you get called to serve with the youth you also take on the risk of being pranked.

Saturday night, someone toilet papered our house. Well, more so our bushes and yard.



Kind of makes me wish we'd gotten around to tearing up all the plants sooner. Then, while we slept, it rained. So we woke up to wet, disintegrating toilet paper and did what any normal person would do - we left it there to dry. We went to church, went to the birthday party for Chewy's work and picked it up around 7 o'clock when we got home.

I guess I'm officially a leader now. They've inducted me. I taught their class today and they tried to get me to say "yes, boo, yes" but with a funky accent and the words drawn out. I wasn't sure if they were trying to get me to sound like I was saying something else. That's just my personality though, never trusting people. I wasn't sure if they were trying to make me cooler (which - come on - that's near impossible this close to perfection) or if they had formed some kind of Lord of the Flies mentality while away at camp last week and they were all banning together against any adult authority.

By the way - they had Girl's Camp last week. Pray for me that I never get called as camp

director. I don't think I could do it. I would be too scared of ticks and other insects and I wouldn't know how to get the girls under control. I drove up on Friday to visit and it was great - mostly because I wasn't planning on spending the night there.


Their campsite - apparently the tents didn't close right to keep out the bugs...those girls are troopers.



The camp banner for our ward. Each girl decorated a shield in the weeks before camp.





I got to see my niece, Emily and my cousin, Samantha. She cracks me up. First - she proudly proclaims she has not showered all week (I'd be curious to find out how many ticks she got) and that she is really popular with the younger girls (she was a junior leader this year and was put over the first year girls). She said, and I quote, "It's because I am their intellectual equal." to which I promptly replied, "Are you sure you want to say that about theyounger girls?" I mean - no offense to them but it's got to be a step back for a 15 year old to say she's the equal of the 12 year olds.



I learned how to make bracelets while waiting for the girls to come back from the copes course



The girls had to have closed toed shoes....so Maggie got creative with some tape and flip flops



Haley and Terra (sisters) playing with the fire



Trina and Bryn (I think, I can't really tell) fighting with ranch covered pizza...not a good idea BTW



And this is what happens when you let one of the YW take your camera. I have about twenty selfies.

That evening we had a Stake Devotional. They had these wooden benches at the camp so we were sitting there enjoying compulsory music time when all of a sudden I heard this CRACK. Then the YW behind me squealed and laughed. I turned around to see them on the ground - their bench had broken. The best part, the people at the front just keep doing their thing without giving any attention to them - but all the other girls were craning their necks to see what happened. ...This - this is what happened.



After that we had our testimony meeting with our ward. We had a fairly large group compared to some others (one ward had ten girls - we had 28, 30 if you count the two stowaways I brought up with me on Friday), almost all of them bore their testimonies and some of them did more than once. I'm not going to lie, I cried a little too. I kept thinking about how grateful I am for these girls and this calling. I was terrified at first. I don't really remember being close to the girls in my ward when I was their age (maybe I was and I have forgotten and I'm sorry for that), I was kind of the outsider who never really fit in and I think that mentality is what scared me the most, because I felt like Josie Grossie* and worried I'd feel the same way "going back in". But the girls have welcomed me quicker than I thought they would. I got countless, random hugs on Friday, girls I had never really talked to were excited to see me...I guess cause I'm their intellectual equal :P Sorry, I had to tease my cousin even though she doesn't read this. But it was a good experience and I think I'm finally getting the hang of this calling (or finally getting comfortable with myself).

Anyway, I left right after testimony meeting (which ended at 11) and drove the two hours home. It rained pretty hard and the drive was stressful, but I got home around 1, checked for ticks and took a shower. Fell asleep by 2 and got up at 7:30 to head to the temple with Chewy.




It was an excellent session and we headed back home. Traffic was....okay. It only took 3.5 hours to get home this time. Then I made dinner and the Sisters came over to eat. After that, Chewy and I were pretty exhausted and we fell asleep early. It's been a pretty good, very busy weekend.

BLOG HOP!

Last week Mary tagged me in a writing blog hop.  Mary is one of the women in my writing group.  I've had the opportunity each month to read through a chapter at a time of the story she is working on and it is fantastic!  Mary is a very gifted writer and I can't wait to read the rest of her novel!  You can read her answers to these questions here


And here are mine:

Courtesy of Ruth L. Snyder

What am I working on? I'm currently working on a YA novel I’ve entitled Riverknot.  It’s about a young girl, Nadia, who ends up pulled into another dimension.  When Nadia gets there, she learns the people of the land have been expecting her.  To them, Nadia has come to redeem them from The Eaters - a group of people that took over the land about twenty years before.  Everyone believes Nadia is the one who can finally defeat The Eaters and free the people.   

How does my work differ from others in its genre?

Well, it’s not about the end of the world…  Seriously I've been reading too many “end of the world” YA novels recently. 

I’ve thought a lot about this question and unfortunately I can’t give you a concrete answer.  YA novels are great because there can be so many different types.  You have books like the Hunger Games or The Thirteen Reasons Why or the Skin Jacker series or even The Tyrant’s Daughter.  They deal with real world issues like boys and bullies and drugs; they take us to a fictitious world with tyrants; some answer the question of what happens when we die?  Or what is the world like for a tyrant’s daughter exiled to America?

So I can’t tell you how it’s completely different from all of those, but one thing I can think of, as with this story and the others I have written, it has an underlying theme of redemption.  I’m not sure that’s something I really get from other books I've read.  The characters (not always the main) struggle with not feeling good enough, or that they can find forgiveness for what they've done.  Some seek it, some write it off as something they’ll never achieve but throughout the story they're moving toward it.  I think it's something we all need to remember, that no matter how bad it gets, we can come back.

Why do I write what I do?

Well, as I said my stories seem to have that underlying current of forgiveness and redemption.  I’ve always loved writing and I use it as a form of therapy.  For me, I have times in my life when I struggle with feelings of inadequacy and wondering if I can still make things right when I’ve screwed things up so badly.  I love the idea of, “it’s not the load that breaks you but the way you carry it” and how that affects the person we eventually become.  I also LOVE writing bad guys/people, but more than that, I want to know what makes them tick and a lot of that motivation may come from not feeling good enough or feeling you can’t fix what’s broken.

Riverknot is basically Good vs. Evil, but where is the line between the two and is there any hope of returning to the “good side” once you’ve crossed over? Once you’ve stopped believing you could?

How does my writing process work?

Someone once told me a good way to come up with a story line is to merge several ideas together.

Riverknot is a conglomeration of several things - Many years ago I had a crazy dream about these horrible creatures that lurked just outside the city limits and only came out in the dark.  So the city was kept well lit, but there was no protection for those who found themselves outside the city limits when the sun went down.  These creatures could scale buildings with lightening speed and had a scream akin to a train putting on the breaks.  I tried and failed several times over the years to write this story and maybe it would have made it as a short story, but for a novel it needed more.

Then I had a dream about a girl names Nadia Westin Prestin Gabin (ridiculous I know and her name isn’t quite that long in Riverknot) and in my dream she found herself with a sword and she knew she was going to travel through the mirror to fight some monster because she couldn’t know what was the right thing to do and not do it (that’s when I woke up).  It was when I merged these two dreams that I remembered a movie about Sin Eaters.  I had found the concept fascinating.  Eventually, things clicked in my mind.  What if the archaic practice of Sin Eaters still persisted? And what if those sin eaters rose up against the people and took over the land?

Then the story evolved from there. 

As far as the actual writing process – I’ve tried outlines but I really fly by the seat of my pants.  I discover the story and the characters as I go.  If I get an idea for a scene, I’ll write it and then try to get the story to the scene.  In the meantime, the story changes and that scene may become irrelevant or at the very least, must be modified.  I think it’s safe to say that about 60% of what I write never even makes it into the stories I write.  But I’m still glad I’ve written it and maybe one day that stuff can be in a different story, but even if not, I've learned something.

Now I'm going to tag Melissa, another woman from my writing group. Without Melissa, I frankly wouldn't even be in a writing group.  I am extremely introverted and shy around strangers so networking isn't my strongest thing.  But Melissa took me "under her wing" and didn't forget me when our original writing group fell apart.  Melissa, as well as Mary and Phil have been fantastic! I I can't tell you enough how much they've helped me to develop as a writer.  I have the best writing group ever.

Hey, you wanna have a rousing discussion about truth,honor, patriotism?*

January = 4

February = 1

March = 1

April = 7

May = 5

Total = 18

So in April I did a pretty decent job of writing up reviews after I read the book.  Not so much in May.  So as a reprieve for last month's reviews being so long - this one will be short.

Ashes, Ashes by Jo Treggiari

This book is about the end of the world (as are the last two books in this review).  A virus has taken out 99% of the population and sixteen year old Lucy survived without any vaccinations (the only known person to do this).  This is book 1 of who knows how many and I suppose I would be interested in discovering if the other books answer some questions - like, "Why did she survive when others who were not vaccinated, including her family, died?"  Overall it was a good story, but there were plot holes - which like I said, will hopefully be resolved in the next books....just not 100% sure I'll get to them.

The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater
This book drew me in almost instantly.  Blue is the youngest in a family of female psychics.  She was told from a very young age that her first love would die, so she has resolved never to fall in love.  Blue doesn't possess the gift, however she can enhance everyone else's.  So every year she is taken to a church for St. Mark's Eve where the spirits of those who will die in the next twelve months can be seen.  Blue has never seen one, until the one time she does.  Her aunt tells her that the only reason a non-seer would see the soon to be dead is either because they would kill that person or they are you're true love.  In Blue's case, she feels it would be both.  I thought this book was well thought out and kept me interested.  However, it is part of a trilogy and the second book didn't captivate me the same way.  Warning for parents - if I have anyone who reads this that has kids old enough to read these books, there is a bit of a language problem here, but its worse in the second book (lots of f-bombs in the beginning of the second book - a few in the first).  Just in case that is something you want to avoid.  Maybe one day I'll finish their story.

Act in Doctrine by David Bednar

This is an interactive book.  There is designated space for your thoughts throughout the chapters and then prompts at the end of each chapter on how you can apply it to your life.  It discusses the Atonement, the difference between testimony and conversion and why moral agency is central to the plan of salvation.  Elder Bednar is definitely about each person discovering the value of learning things for yourself rather than just being handed the answers.   My recommendation - take the time to read a chapter at a time.  It's not a book to squeeze in here and there (like I did).  I think you'll get more out of it if you have enough time to read a chapter together and then write out your thoughts.

Fragments by Dan Wells
Love. Love. Love. Repeat this overview for the final book Ruins.  Dan Wells does a great job of creating post apocalyptic America.  He has details in there that I admire as a writer because I wouldn't have even thought of it.  One is the fact that there are tons of plants/factories unmanned but left running and what they do to the surrounding environment when they start to blow up.  In this book Kira Walker travels across the wastelands - a.k.a. the mid-west.  To keep the story going there is the underlying "mission" of finding the members of The Trust, those individuals responsible for the current state of the world.  An interesting read that kept me going (and unlock some trilogies I've "started" left me wanting more).

Ruins by Dan Wells
I love how the book rounds out.  I have issues with the last paragraph, but other than that I love the character development and I appreciate the way that Wells finished up with the old world to begin a new one where Partials and Humans could coexist.  I'd recommend this series to anyone.

D.C. Trip (a little old)

Wow - I was going through "drafts" on blogger and deleted posts I started but never posted.  I found this one from my August trip to DC where I met up with Amber.  Figured since they are all photos I'd just post it.

Not my thing but apparently it's good

Best muffin this side of the asteroid belt