A Stomach Like A Rat

Chewy's nickname has changed to Templeton.  Yes, he's now been named after the rat from Charlotte's Web.  It started one day when he decided to mix every type of cereal we had in a bowl and then sprinkle flax seed on top.  The first time he did this I watched in horror.  I'm the 32 year old woman who still doesn't like her food to touch. He mixes a lot of food actually and in this instance I guess opposites attract.

So I began to call him Templeton and I'll sing, "Smorgasbord, smorgasbord" when he's 'creating' in the kitchen.  Sometimes I think he opens the fridge, sees a bunch of leftovers and he's all...

And then he's...

His latest concoction came about because he made the grave mistake of messing up my taco meat.  He thought it would be great to add some Paprika to the meat - however, I apparently made the graver mistake of purchasing SMOKED paprika (so therefore I suppose the fault lies with me).  That stuff is potent.  I wasn't a fan of the tacos we were eating and I blamed the Target brand seasoning I had bought until he fessed up.  For his punishment I consigned him to eat taco leftovers all the days of his life the week.

So as he was making a grilled cheese sandwich he decided to put taco meat in the middle.

Insert my usual reaction to his food here (ew, gross!)  He says they are delicious and has already had them many times.

Today at lunch I told him he should name them.  

Templeton: What, like Chad?

Me: No, like how grilled cheese sandwiches are named grilled cheese sandwiches, just something more creative for those.

Templeton: The best grilled cheese sandwich - ever

('ever' said like this)

Then Templeton asked me what the best of something was and I said, "Babe Ruth?" Which got us on a discussion of whether or not Babe was still the best and I remembered a baseball player from the 90's, that may have been better.  Toby McGuire or something.

Templeton: (Laugh) Spiderman? Do you mean Mark McGuire? The guy all roided up?

Me: I don't remember that part but yeah.

Templeton: It was Mark. (shakes head) Toby McGuire.

Me: Toby McGuire it is.

*Typing it in on my phone as a possible name.

Me: OH! Who's that actor that you made the rap about?* The guy from Fargo.

Templeton: William H. Macy?

Me: That's the one.

Introducing to the world 

 The William H. Macy

I actually got up the nerve to try some of it today.  A tiny bit.  I couldn't stop laughing as the little chunk approached my mouth - I laughed out of fear more than anything.  But I survived (for now) and survey says, "it's not terrible."

Stay tuned for more meals from Templeton's Trough.  

*Templeton has a rap for William H. Macy.  When it's done we hope to achieve YouTube fame and enough money to live out retirement comfortably.  

Of dogs and men

Lately, Chewy has been obsessed with dogs....he stays up later than he should researching the best types of guard dogs, which ones home owner's insurance won't cover, which have the most cases of biting people, the most intelligent, etc.  He's taken quizzes on finding "the right dog for you".  He's talked about dogs incessantly for the last week or so.

My first thought on this? Panic.  I'm about to have a baby, folks, in case you've missed that fact.  I will be a stay-at-home mom with my very first child, trying to sleep and adjust to that lifestyle and my husband keeps talking about adding a large dog to the family (his favorite is Doberman but before that it was a Rhodesian Ridgeback (the Lion Hunter), and he hasn't completely ruled out a Great Dane....a Great Dane!)  I started out by reminding him I would be the one home with the beastie all. Day. Long.  I would have to do the obedience training, I would have to take one of these giants out for walks while also trying to navigate the baby stroller.  As you can imagine this didn't go well.  Spouses don't like being parented, and I'm pretty sure I parented in that moment.  There's a series I really enjoy called, "For All Eternity" - it's a book too, but I haven't read it, I just have the CDs of the guy conducting a four week seminar on the topic of marriage and communication.  Anyway, he says at one point, "Don't be a dream killer, let life kill the dream."  And yet there I was, trying to kill Chewy's dream, but you've got to admit becoming a dog owner has more probability and less road blocks than owning a beach house.

Anyway - so I let him talk and talk and talk about dogs now.  He's decided I am a lot like a Doberman, especially the needy part (I like having my back rubbed...and my arms, and I like cuddling, I can't help it - I require so much attention!)  And I think I've convinced him I would live in constant fear if I had to share the house with a Great Dane, it helped to prove my point that my hand has been in a deaf Great Dane's mouth before - against my will.  Luckily she didn't bite down, but she sent a message I've never forgotten...that if she wanted to, she could have taken my hand off.

So - we shall see.  Fingers crossed I don't end up with a high strung, high energy, 5'9 dog any time soon.

In other news.  We had a doctor's appointment this week.  They did an ultrasound to determine the baby's weight and overall size.  Little guy is already up to 5 lbs 15 oz.  They said that's about two weeks ahead of where he should be and it puts him in the 90-something percentile in weight.  I think Chewy took a lot of pride in baby boy's weight because he mentioned in the waiting room it would be cool if we had an 18 pound baby.  I told him he wouldn't be having one with this wife!

I'm at 33 weeks now but haven't taken a photo this week.

Mistakes Eating and Other Adventures

Saturday morning, Chewy and I woke up at 6 am.  He’d had a pretty stressful week so while depressing, it wasn’t a surprise that we were both sound asleep around 8:30 Friday night.  As we lay in bed trying to decide whether or not to wake up or go back to sleep, we decided to go and get breakfast.  We wanted to go to Golden Corral and Chewy seems to think they are packed by 8 a.m. so we hurried to get there as quickly as possible.  We arrived 10 minutes before opening (btw we tried to look up the hours online, their website shouldn’t even bother with the ‘store locator’ option, it doesn’t work).  

We eyed all the other cars that arrived after us and for a moment I think I got a glimpse of what Black Friday shopping feels like.  Chewy had me put down the visor on my side and use the mirror to watch the front door and the old couple in the minivan nearest to us.  Ten minutes later the minivan had turned off its engine and the front doors were being unlocked.  We got out of the car, half excited to be the first and three quarters embarrassed.  We paid, found a secluded table and went up for round one.  I had thought since I was preggers that this would have been more fun, but the quality of Golden Corral food really hindered me.  I ate a bit of everything on my first plate but finished none of it.  I was less successful with the second plate.  We spent the rest of our day regretting our early hour decision.  We’re pretty sure the same thing happened last time we went but we forgot.  We’ve now recorded videos of ourselves telling our future selves NEVER to return to the G.C.

 We’ll see if it works.

As for the rest of our Saturday.  Chewy was asked to play the part of a Wiseman in the Stake Crèche activity and I was asked to be a “tour guide” .  I took groups from room to room and read from a script while the people looked at the live nativity scenes , then I dropped them off at the cultural hall where they ate, looked at little nativity and crèche scenes and listen to musical performances.  It was neat, exhausting, but a really neat experience.  AND I got to see Chewy dressed up in a costume.  

Of course, the fame has gone to his head.

From there we went to visit my sister and brother-in-law and I saw a box of Captain Crunch and suddenly wanted some.  So we went to the store and bought a box.  I got home, ate a bowl and a little while later – threw up.  Same thing happened Sunday morning.  So I’m thinking the Captain is out for a few months.  Thanks a lot fetus.

Every Couple Has Secrets

I have a confession...

I hide food from my husband.  Lemme esplain. 

I have a great love for the Little Debbie Christmas trees.

I mean, look at them.  I’m salivating at the thought.

I bought a box at the store on Monday and when I got home I hid them.  Part of it was shame, I didn’t want Chewy knowing I’d given in to my sweet tooth but I have to admit a bigger part of me worried he would eat them…

This morning he went into the cupboard where they were hidden - looking for the backup peanut butter.  I watched in horror as he bent down to look at the lower shelf where I keep the backup food.  If I had realized the other pb was low I would have picked a different shelf for my hidden treasure. 

Then he saw the box.  “What’s this!” he said as he pulled them out of the cupboard.  At this moment he realizes it’s open and most of the trees are gone. “And it’s mostly empty!”

I don’t know what I said at this point, I don’t do well when caught so I might have said, “uh, um, hmmmm.” But eventually, “I love them!” or something similar came out of my mouth.

Chewy explained how it hurts his feelings when I hide food from him (yes, this isn’t the first time; I’ve also hidden Archway Iced Oatmeal cookies from him…more than once.  I've even had to hid rice krispies from him, not the treat, just the cereal).  So I picked that moment to confess that there was a can of Pringles hidden by my side of the bed.  You may find this shocking…but he wasn’t happy about that either.

So I tried to explain myself.  I don’t know what order the excuses came out but they included:

It’s an old habit from childhood where I had to hide the good stuff or it’d be gone (there are some roommates who can attest to the fact that this is a long standing habit of mine).

I explained how I offer other things in their stead (said while picking up a container of cookies I openly shared with Chewy to prove my point).  He’ll come home from work and I’ll open the “snack” cupboard and show him all the things I bought for HIM to eat (and then I don’t mention my personal snacks hidden safely around the house).

He told me I don’t have to hide the food, he wouldn’t eat it.  That brought up the list of things that were mine that he’s eaten…and only since I got pregnant.

1) It started with the Ginger Ale.  He’s a big ginger ale fan, I personally feel sick when I drink it because my parents gave it to me AFTER I’d thrown up.  So I was fine with him drinking it.

2) Then it was the sprite he bought me as a backup for the ginger ale. Again, I wasn’t really drinking them so I didn’t care.

3) Then he dug in to my peppermint ice cream.  This I DID care about, but I also bought multiple containers when I went to the store.  So after instinctively being upset I told him I would share with him.

4) And lastly, the Gatorade.  I’d been drinking Gatorade since October 29^th (yes, I remember the date) when I had to stay home from work and did nothing but throw up all. Day. Long.  I even bought him red Gatorade so he’d leave my blue stuff alone…but it didn’t stop him.

I think he got the point…but I’ll try to stop hiding my food – as soon as Christmas is over.

I'm gonna kill him! I'm gonna finish him like a cheesecake! *

Being married is great. Just great. You get to spend all this time with your best friend, you wake up to them teasing you about being a blanket hog and a boa constrictor that moves in closer and closer each time they exhale (Note to self: research how boas kill their prey). The best part - Chewy has been living on a steady diet of either eating out (aka burgers) or cottage cheese and trail mix. This means that he loves almost everything I cook (excluding my BBQ - which I didn't like either, and my first try at a Jumba Juice smoothie - which...I wasn't crazy about either). But I think my favorite is that we have a Sunday evening tradition of watching an episode of Doctor Who and the fact that Chewy and I read our scriptures and have morning and night prayer together.


Married life = highly recommended.

GETTING married? I could do without. The wedding and reception went really well. I loved being sealed to Chewy for time and all eternity...and having our pictures taken for two hours wasn't so bad (p.s. Remind me to write a raving review on our photographers). But now I'm back to the real world and in the real world I have a new last name. I'm adding Chewy to my benefits and have had to change my name with work, the DMV and the Social Security Administration (I told Chewy that I think the SSA was backwards...pardon my attitude).

I got to the DMV at opening (8 in the a.m. for those of you wondering) only to be told that I needed to go to the SSA first. So I made my way down there. The SSA has incredible hours that work with any schedule (sarcasm).

Mon - 9-3
Tues - 9-3
Wed - 9-12
Thurs - 9-3
Fri - 9-3

See? Excellent hours.

They are located at the end of Carytown which, from what I can tell, is in between it's dying breath and governmental resuscitation. On the right side of the road stand apartments that look newly remodeled, on the left side dilapidated apartments with cars to match. I found a parking spot on the left side of the road. A man (or possibly a woman - kind of in an in between place there) saw my car, began to approach and then sharked my car - which, as I told Chewy this morning, is my new term for when someone kind of stalks you in a back and forth walk (with optional JAWs theme). I think the person was waiting for a ride, but didn't know what the person would be driving, that's how it felt in the end when they finally walked away.

I walked to the main door of the SSA, only to stand in line outside, in the snow (yes, it was snowing this morning).

The security guard came out and had us form the line to the left of the main door - not sure why it mattered. He got everyone organized and then I got a "Hey, how you doing?" to which I smiled because he didn't have to correct where I was standing - leftovers from public education - an abnormal desire to obey and get it perfect.

After that - it wasn't actually so bad. By the time they opened the doors at 9, there were about 10 or so people behind me. One woman said, "It's got to be 9 now" about every 60 seconds, usually followed by, "They should open the doors early cause it's snowing."

Once inside, we were separated and lined up again, but at least it was warm. I got my ticket/number and took a seat. Once I got to the window things went quickly. I went with my application already completed and my driver's license and old card out and ready. I double checked that I could go to the DMV now and he said, "too bad you weren't here yesterday, we had the DMV van in the parking lot" I had seen the poster and cursed my bad timing, then I thought, "there's a parking lot?!" I got to my car and drive to the closest DMV. Surprisingly, it didn't take long at all, unfortunately, they made me take my photo. The DMV has adopted the rules of Chinese school (you know - Chinese school has just begun, if you show your teeth or tongue you will pay the consequences). I was allowed to smile, just no teeth. I'm proud of my teeth - I like to show them off, but I complied.

After that - they charged me $20 and let me go.

Now I just need to work on changing my name with pretty much everything else.