If you don't run, you can't win.*

It starts tomorrow folks.  One more half marathon to go under my belt.  I bought plenty of magnets - I figures this would help me fight the urge to EVER sign up for another half.  Plus - after tomorrow, I have technically run a marathon...right?

That's an interesting story where you revealed absolutely nothing about yourself.*

I voted this morning! That's the sticker they gave me - special just for 2012.  I expected a generic "I voted" sticker but they surpassed my expectations.  I thought it was funny when I was standing in line that they give us stickers. I had never thought about it before but the other night my friend said something about how she was going to vote so that she could get her sticker.  So when I was standing in line I began to wonder if that was the motivation for more people? I mean sure, your voice can be heard, but look at the cool sticker! And as an adult, you get to wear that sticker all day and no one thinks you're being immature, but rather patriotic. 

I almost didn't get to vote this morning! My license has an old address on it because the DMV decided that to save money they give you a card when you move.  A big, cumbersome post card that you have to carry around with you until you renew your license.  I lost that card about 4 months ago.  So the lady had me state my full name and address and then she was like, "do you have anything with that address on it?" Uh...yeah, that stupid postcard that is probably in my room somewhere.  But then I remembered that I paid my water bill yesterday and whipped that out.

I have one complaint and then I'll let you go for the day.  When you are looking at the ballot, and you've voted for the people, there are the little amendments and such that they want you to vote "yes" or "no" to - but they word them in such a way that I have no clue how to vote.  I read something and I'm like, "Yeah, I DON'T want that" but then I look at the buttons and I'm not sure if "yes" will keep that from happening, or if "no" is the key to getting what I want.  ...Does anyone else have a problem with these or is it just me? It's probably just me - like the time I surveyed people and realized I was the only one with a problem putting together IKEA furniture. Ces't la vie.

Any process you are going through will get tougher before it gets easier.*

Yesterday was an excellent day! Actually - this weekend was just excellent. 

Friday night, we had a bon fire out in Goochland. 

It was a lot of fun.  People made smores and roasted Starbursts and struggled to find some kind of balance between freezing cold and burning hot.

Chris, Ben, Jessie G. and I left early and went downtown to see Richmond In Light.  This is basically an art show spread through several streets.  All the pieces have something to do with light.  I went to this two years ago with Bryant and neither of us really knew how to take it.  There were a few pieces that we liked - and we liked them because we gave them interpretations.  This year wasn't much different.  There was one piece that was a two quarter pieces of a globe, one piece solid and one clear, then there were some faint lights flashing images on it.  I offered my interpretation - the world through the ages as they develop their relationship with God.  There was once piece that gave the appearance of being interactive - but it was not - and the people in charge of the exhibit had a good laugh.  That was kind of funny. 

Saturday we had our evening session of Stake Conference.  I love the Saturday evening - I don't know if it's the speakers or lack of children distracting me or what - but Saturday is my favorite.  If you would indulge me for a bit I’d like to share some things from it.

Lately I have been struggling with several things – being a good disciple of Christ, forgiving others and forgiving myself.  I’ve also been fighting thoughts and feelings that I am not good enough, that I don’t deserve certain things, that I am going to miss the opportunity for some things, and that I have forfeited others.  Call it what you may, I called it a spiritual rut.

All of the talks were good Saturday night, but here are the highlights that helped me to start off my week in a good mood with more hope for my future.

Brother Palmese shared his favorite scripture with us (Moroni 10:32-33) which talks about being perfected in Christ and how this is open to all men, if they will apply the Atonement to their lives.  He said (and I’ll paraphrase) – Sometimes we hang on to the things of the past and think that the Atonement will apply to others but not to ourselves.

I think there are times in my life when I believe the Atonement will work for others, but that for whatever reason, it is not applicable to me.  But it IS applicable to all those who seek it.

Then there was a talk from a sister I didn’t know, her entire talk was about forgiveness – and as I said, that is something I have been struggling with.   She said that to forgive is to turn over to God the ultimate right to judge. We can remember the offense but we are not obsessed with it.  She talked about transforming our hearts into forgiving hearts and how that is a gift we give ourselves.  I have long known that holding on to anger or a grudge or what have you, does not affect the offender the way it affects you.  Something I have strived for is to be a forgiving person, and to be quick to forgive (because this is NOT how I was growing up).  So lately, when I felt the offense was too great, I found that I couldn’t let it go.  Not that I wanted to punish the offender, I certainly did not, but the pain and offense sank into my heart and at some point the anger took over so the pain could not. Something else she said stuck with me, she said, “The Atonement can make whole what once was broken.”  I love this statement because I can see it on so many different levels; our hearts, our relationships, our covenants, etc.

I kept waiting for some magic seven step program that she was going to unfold and teach me how to let this one go – but instead, she read 3 Nephi 12:44, “I behold I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you.”

These words were hard to swallow – but very necessary in helping me with the things I am struggling with.  Added to Saturday evening were the Sunday session and a CES Devotional Sunday evening. 

To kick off Sunday Conference, a young man I have met once or twice bore his testimony.  I’m not sure what the issue this young man has, but if I had to guess, I would say that he is high functioning Autistic – but I’m in no position to diagnose people.  He is a sweet and very honest young man (at least from my interactions).  When they asked him to bear his testimony, they mentioned that he is an exceptional young man and a good example, I agree with this statement.  His testimony was simple but very powerful and an excellent start to the session. 

 President Waters talked about Faith being an action.  Something he said that really stood out to me was “Don’t make perfection the enemy of excellence.” He also said (paraphrasing) don’t let Satan tell you that your striving isn’t good enough. 

Then (I promise I’m almost done), from Brother Gerald Causse’s CES Devotional last night, he gave us three things to help us find happiness.

1)     Recognize your personal worth – He said that you are known and remembered by the most majestic being (paraphrasing again because I don’t write fast enough sometimes).  Then he told us to imagine if we could view ourselves through Heavenly Father’s eyes.  This really struck me, and I took a few moments to consider how the Lord saw me.  I threw up in front of my mind, all the things I don’t like about myself and wiped them away as tried to imagine how the Lord saw my imperfections, my meager offerings, my failed attempts. I didn’t have much time to dwell on it, but the brief time I took filled me with an indescribably-positive feeling.

2)     Become who you are – Remember who you want to become. If you were to receive a letter from your younger self stating all the things you want to become – would you be on track? Or better yet, what if you were able to receive a letter from yourself as you were and with the knowledge you had in the pre-mortal existence?

3)     Trust in God’s Promises – “God is watching over you, and has made promises to you” We need to believe in those promises and to not give in to the “Eat, drink, and be merry” philosophy that is the opposite of hope.

I apologize if I was not able to convey even half of what I felt this weekend or be able to connect these highlights for you the way I connected them for myself.   But I came away from this weekend feeling more determined to do those things that are of most worth to me.  To pray more diligently, study my scriptures better, to allow myself to hope for the future, and to forgive others and myself.  Last night, and again this morning, I prayed for those I felt despitefully used by and found that I am not as angry as I had thought, I do hope the best for those people – I just don’t want them in my life anymore.  I’m not sure exactly what qualifies as forgiveness – but I know this is a step in the right direction and it is a gift I am trying to give myself. 

You're gonna scream your guts out, you'll be so happy.*

As some of you may recall, my CamelBak broke when I was hiking around in the Grand Canyon in September.  I was heartbroken - mostly because I love my CamelBak.  I ended up taking it to REI because I had another hike planned and I needed a new one and several friends had told me to take it back to REI (where I purchased it a little over a year ago).  I kept telling them, "but I don't still have my receipt" and they all said it didn't matter.  So I took a chance on an unknown kid* and took it in.  I figured, all else, maybe I could buy a new pak without the bladder (since that was still good).  The lady at REI was so helpful and she went and got the exact same pak I had (yay!) and replaced my broken one with the new one....for free!  I was thoroughly impressed!

So then I blogged about the last hiking day in Arizona when the CamelBak broke.  I got a comment from a nice lady, Claudia, in the PR Department for CamelBak asking me to e-mail her because they would like to replace my CamelBak.  I e-mailed her back and informed her that REI had already replaced the pak for me but that I was very impressed and grateful that she reached out to me.  I told her that I was very impressed with both companies for their customer service! I mean - they read my blog post and wanted to replace my broken CamelBak - I didn't even have to go to them!

Claudia wrote back letting me know she was glad I was able to get my pak replace without any issues but also let me know that if I ever have issues with my pak that Camelbak has a "Got Your Bak" lifetime warranty! So if I have more issues with mine, then I know where to go.  I thought that was where the e-mails would stop, but the next day she e-mailed me asking for my address to "keep me posted on the latest news and products".  I gladly gave her my address because I'm impressed with CamelBak and wanted to know what else they have. 

Yesterday when I got home, there was a large box on my porch.  On the side was written "CamelBak".  I took it inside and opened it up and here's what I found!

I was seriously geeking out - it's the nicest thing any company has ever done for me (since they obviously topped REI on this one...but REI is still a close second). 

This pak is legit - I haven't tested it out on a hike yet (since I just got it last night) but it has extra cushioning for the back (I'm really excited about this actually cause on the long hikes you start to feel it).  I can't wait to get this thing out on a hike - who's in?!

Take those out of his mouth.*

Happy Halloween

Thanks for sending this Amber!

To a ten year-old, I'm huge.*

I had a pretty busy weekend.  Friday night - I stopped by the boys house and only Christian was home.  I was able to talk him in to going to the store with me to buy a puzzle - but that will actually be a separate blog post because it's the puzzle of all puzzles and deserves its own post.

Saturday morning we got up early and went hiking.  By 'we' I mean Chris, Nick, Ben, and me.  The boys were super tired because their friend had come over Friday before I left and they stayed up most of the night talking to him.  Ben almost didn't make it because he had to go up to campus and the plan had been to meet up with two of Chris' friends from DC - but they bailed and we were able to wait for Ben to finish up. 

When I first got back from Arizona, Nick asked if I was going to compare everything to Havasupai and the Grand Canyon (I guess I had been doing that a lot).  So when we started the hike and I looked up at the "falls" I was like, "I've screwed myself over, I should have never gone to Havasupai."  I mean - you remember the pictures of the falls there right?  So here are the falls at Crabtree.

I mean - pretty - but I remember it being a lot prettier....and bigger

We found a snake - well, Nick almost stepped on it - that counts as 'finding' right

The boys are trying to figure out what to do with the snake.  Should we pick it up with a stick and toss it further in the woods, warn others about it (oh yeah - they thought it was a copperhead for a while).  They just left it.

This is our sad face - why are we sad? Not sure

World's shortest hike

Ben showing us how he looks in a hat because he doesn't think he looks good in them.  I warned him I have a thing for guys in baseball hats.

We found this pay phone at the head of the trail.  Ben remembers how it works - I think Chris was checking for service first.

From there I had an important birthday party to get to - Olivia (who turned one yesterday).

She's got this cake under control

Then it was back to the boys to get ready for the Halloween dance at church.  We decided to go as rock, paper, scissors.

Christian made these scissors for Ben - VERY last minute.  He's so ready to be a dad.

I did Ben's make-up and I think it went straight to his head - look at him modeling

We were a big hit at the dance - bigger than I expected at least since we probably had the cheapest costumes.  But people liked our idea....and how we chased each other around most of the dance.  I danced more than I have at any dance and woke up on Sunday morning a little embarrassed to see people at church - as Kami has said about dancing, I woke up thinking, "What did I do last night?"  I can't wait until the Harvest Ball.

I don't know, something amazing I guess!*

Some of my favorite non-related people in the whole wide world are "the boys".



Nick, Christian, Ben and Chris at game night...playing a complicated math game. I love my little nerds.





Chris and Ben making up a new game out of an existing one - it's kind of like...a race.  See video.



Last Sunday, when I arrived, Ben said he felt like life turned into a sitcom whenever I came over to the house. He said it was like we were in the show "My Boys".  It made me laugh because I had been thinking the same thing.  I already call them "the boys" but trust me, in my heart, they are mine.  I had to tell Chris a few weeks ago that I love them all the same just for different reasons, I don't want any of them thinking I've picked favorites - I felt like a mother...

When I first started hanging out there I put in my application to be Lady of the House.  Chris had a lot of rules and he seemed to be adding more and more.  I finally told him to forget it, I would just get a boyfriend.  Finding and taking care of one had to be easier than taking care of them as a household.  I was told I couldn't date any of them (because the others would feel I had chosen a favorite) and I could never get married.  I was told I had to make them treats, clean the house, introduce them to my lady friends (to which I laughed - I don't have many of those).  And the list went on and on.  There were others vying for the same position too (at least Chris told me so) but I won out...I don't know when it happened, but recently they all keep saying, "Since you're the lady of the house...yadda, yadda."

We play games, put together puzzles, go hiking, watch "The Voice" and "Marchel the Shell" (on YouTube - check it out), we play Family Band (basically a jam session where Christian is the only one who actually knows how to play the instruments - but we're learning and he's patient), we talk each other into going to ward activities, Chris will come help me in my yard and Nick has offered to fix things in the house in exchange for treats.  I may be "the Lady of the House" and my job is to take care of them, but I feel like they take care of me to a much greater degree.

I don't know exactly what it is that endears me to them.  Maybe it's the fact that when I am over there, with all of them or any one of them individually, I forget everything that weighs me down.  Or even if we are having a serious conversation, I come out of it feeling better.  I feel my best around them.  I feel like I am the person I really am.  I dont' feel like I'm trying too hard to get them to like me, or that I have to change in anyway around them.  Talking to them isn't stressful or exhausting.  And they like me, they really like me* for reasons I can't understand but I won't question, and I won't turn away the compliments they give me.  If I ever decide to date again, the boys of the world are going to have a hard time meeting my new expectations.