You go Glen Coco.*

2012 in review:

The goals:

1. Send in my first story to a publishing agent by the end of April - rejection or no rejection - Done! Rejected! And done again (waiting on next rejection)!

2. Continue to work on budget and reducing debt.  I'd like to stop buying random things as they come to mind (a particular book, new pillows, etc. Sometimes a "need" can wait until the budget permits) - uhh...so I think I've got my budget figured out, and recording my purchases figured out...it's that nasty thing about not just buying things when I think of them.  Books mostly, they are my downfall - please send Barne's and Noble giftcards to support my ugly habit.

3. Home Improvement - Buy a new couch, paint the house, finish the fence, and kill all spiders (in all the world).  I didn't actually kill any spiders in 2012...but Chris killed a good three or four for me, and given the SIZE of these things, I think we're close to riding the world of this evil.  I didn't work on my fence AT ALL in 2012, or paint the house, and I didn't buy a couch - but I got Vivienne and she came with a couch.  With Chris' help I have improved the front yard. Violet, my 100+ year old neighbor has already recruited Chris to come help her when he's done helping me. 

4. Simplify - dejunking and cut the fat in my life to things that matter most. - you should see my trunk. It's full of things to get rid of.  I still have further to go, but I've gotten rid of some books, movies, some rugs up in the attic, tons of clothes that I was just never wearing, etc.  It. Feels. Good.

5. Draw closer to the Lord by studying my scriptures regularly.  I think it's safe to put this in the green.  I had a few bumps and bruises along the way and I wasn't so great at this at the beginning of the year, but my life is finally getting back on track and each day has some real studying going on.

6. Participate in more service by being more faithful and diligent in my callings, by seeking out someone who is sitting alone, by being a friend to those ho need a friend, and by seeking out opportunities to serve the community.  - this is yellow because while I did step it up in a lot of these things, I just don't feel like I actually made it a priority. I think this one may make the list again.

7. Bearing my testimony at least four times in 2012 in Sacrament Meeting -
BIG 'OLE GREEN! Yeah! I don't know if you know this about me - but being up in front of people is one of my least favorite things in the world.  I would rather jump into a swimming pool full of battery acid and rabid rats (sound familiar Mur?)  But I did it! I don't know if I ever made sense, but I did it and after the initial de-stressing of my body (the sharp stabs through my kidneys cause I get so tense) I felt pretty good about it.

8. Going to the temple at least once a month - Don't get me wrong, I went a lot - but not as often as I wanted and not as consistently as I wanted.

9. Prioritizing all of my wants and needs to find those things that will be of most benefit to me not necessarily now, but things that may be of benefit in the future. i.e. building and sustaining good habits such as daily scripture study and prayer, FHE, praying over all meals, eating meals at the table instead of in my room. - This is kind of a lighter green because I'm not done with it.  I failed with the whole FHE thing, I'm working on good habits (one day at a time and the success is if you do it more times than not in a month, right?)

10. Avoid gossip - Err - this goal was just a bad idea - it's not measurable.  I mean it's a GOOD desire, and I work on it.  Sometimes I catch myself talking to someone and realize we're gossiping and try to cut that out.  It's hard, but I'll keep working on it (but it won't make the list of goals in 2013).

Everything else:

Since my life isn't just about completing ten goals each year, I felt maybe I should write a little bit.  2012 was not what I would call the best year - I started it off with a mysterious illness, extremely low blood platelets and an unhelpful doctor.  My birthday while as fun as it could be, was a bust - I couldn't even enjoy the delicious cake my sister made me because of the way I felt.  I was finally able to get over that illness and thought to myself, "this better mean the rest of the year is going to be great!".  Well - I broke up with my boyfriend, had a few dark months (yeah, I think it's safe to say months even though there were breaks in them) where I spent much of my time and energy being disappointed in myself, I had to have two root canals, I ended the year sick again, and overall, I felt at many times like I wasn't where I wanted to be at this point in ALL/ANY areas of my life. 

But while 2012 wasn't the greatest year of my life, I can't really complain.  While my health was out of commission for a while, I overall have it!  My brother and his family were able to visit in the early summer and my sister and her family were here for Christmas.  I ran many different races (some fun, some not) and I was ABLE to run those races and complete them.  I beat my half marathon time and as I look down the barrel at 2013 I can't help but wonder if I will try to run the half again.  I was able to visit all the Northeast states and the Grand Canyon in Arizona.  While I was on an emotional rollar coaster for a good portion of the year, I feel like I am finally figuring out who I am and where I am supposed to go.  I am developing better self discipline and learning how to build healthy relationships. I am also learning to really, truly study the gospel and to rely more on the Lord.  One thing that I have really been able to see a lot in my life this past year is that the Lord never gives up on us.  We may be struggling to figure things out, we may turn our backs on him from time to time (intentionally or not), but he is always there, reaching out for us, trying to get a message through to us.

I may not have had the best year, but I feel truly blessed!  The Lord has been so kind to me, even if I haven't felt I deserved it.  I have the perfect family for me, amazing friends who are such good examples to me, I have my health, my home, my job, and honestly, more than I need.  And most importantly, I have the gospel in my life and a Heavenly Father who loves me.

One of my favorite songs right now is "That Wasn't Me" by Brandi Carlile.  I like this song becuase it starts off with disappointment and shame but ends with hope.  She sings about the things she's done and keeps saying, "whatever you've seen, that wasn't me" and then at the end she sings the things she wants to become or should be and says, "when that's what you see, that will be me."  I think that sums up 2012 for me.  Whatever you've seen (or didn't because I kept it to myself...) that wasn't me.  2013 will be about avoiding making the same mistakes of the past, getting my priorities straight and becoming who I really am.

To 2013 I say, "do your worst, for I will do mine!"* (ahem...and by "worst" I really mean "best").