Monday, February 24, 2014

Dude, is my face okay? I think you melted it off. *

I was talking with a friend the other night and one of my old theories came to mind.  When I say old, we are talking several years, back when I used to be funny and creative and my mind came up with quirky nonsense and yet, I could almost make that nonsense make sense.  My friend had actually read it, a theory I developed and wrote about in 2008.  I have known my friend since maybe 2012?  It was another friend that pointed out that this meant some serious creeping occurred.  I mean, that's 6 years ago people (it's 6 right? math has never been my strong suit).  I mean, I'm flattered of course.  I have friends who read my blog and I never even knew it (and/or Facebook notes that should be buried deep down underneath years of status updates).

The theory you ask? Dating and Baking.
Original release date: June 30, 2008
Original Post:

In my memory, this theory was pure genius.  Reading over it, there are some changes I would make.  I mean, at the original release date I hadn't even had a boyfriend.  Dates - yes.  Unrequited love - did Noah have enough water for the flood? 

The first thing I would change is the fact that I used "weather" instead of "whether" - that embarrasses me for some reason.  I would hate to think people thought I was ignant 6 years ago.  So below is the revised theory/advice column.  Take it with a grain of salt (no pun intended - well, actually, yes, yes it was).

Dating and baking – revised

It has been 6 years since I came up with my theory on the similarities between dating and baking. There are many things I would keep the same.

Preheat the oven – In order for dating to even occur, there has to be the attraction. Granted – attraction doesn’t have to go both ways, but if neither side is attracted to other, then no bueno. No attraction = no dates. Preheating the oven/attraction includes shallow physical attraction, sense of humor, common interests/causes, etc.

However –preheating to the RIGHT temperature is attraction from both sides. If it’s one side (unrequited) it’s as though you are placing dough in a broken oven and wasting your time sitting around for it to finish.

So you’ve made it to the working oven that has preheated to the proper temperature. There’s friendly banter, constant flirting, maybe even a date or two. Next, you have timing. How long is it going to take for true feelings to come out or for a relationship to finally start materializing? There are the anxious bakers; the ones that shout it out right away, but that’s like taking a cake out of the oven prematurely, it falls/fails. Then there are those that put everything in the oven, close the door and forget they’ve got a cake in there! There are people who flirt and are friendly but they’ve lost track of time or don’t even know how long it should be left in the oven to begin with.

I think in the baking sense, we all know what happens to something left in the oven at 350 degrees for too long. It burns. People are the same way….it’s why we don’t put them in an oven to begin with. …But with dating, eventually, weeks, months, or years of waiting burns away the feelings that person had for the other. They may even get angry about being forgotten there, but hopefully they just move on the greener pastures.

There are other essential things with baking, like ingredients. The ingredients make the person. You don’t leave out certain ingredients in baking, so there are certain things you don’t leave out in the person you desire to date. Ingredients like the egg or the baking soda, you can’t experiment with these. The real life equivalent to these depends on your standards. For some it’s a shared religion or values. Without these essential items (these “must haves”) what you are baking will not turn out right. Please keep in mind, essentials do not include hair color, body type, an interest in aquatic animal anatomy – these will be addressed later. What I mean here are things that are most essential for this to blossom into a healthy relationship. Without these, things could be looking like they are developing smoothly, but when you pull the cookies out of the oven, it is obvious to the taste that something is missing. Some people will continue to eat these cookies that don’t taste right (like some people will stay in a relationship they no longer care about or know is not good for them), but most will throw the cookie out and start over.

The other aspects of dating, I mean baking, are okay to experiment with, like choosing different baking chips to put in place of chocolate chips. The different chips could represent different personalities, hair colors, body types, sense of humor,insert your random, weird interest you may actually expect to find a ‘soul mate’ in (cue aquatic animal anatomy), etc.

Originally I gave advice to the bakers and the baked goods, one representing men and one women. However, I think we can all simultaneously be the baker and the baked and even if not simultaneously, we could be one or the other at any given time. So when you find yourself the baker, watch the temperature and the timer and don’t be reckless in the kitchen. Remember, if you no longer want the baked good, someone else might – so don’t be selfish and let it burn in the oven. When you’re the baked good don’t let someone leave you in the oven too long, know when to bear the heat and when to get out of the oven.

But always keep trying – it will pay off some day and the rewards are sweet.

No – sweeter.

Of course, same disclaimer, maybe you shouldn’t take dating advice from someone who thinks it’s okay to compare dating to baking.

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