That's a lotta meat.*

Welcome to Blogageddon. The ultimate post of randomness about my life. Warning: This blog may jump from topic to topic. If you are pregnant, could become pregnant, suffer from seizures, heart condition, diabetes, or urinary incontinence please read on anyway...the side effects aren't all that bad.

Let's talk about life. It isn't even 10 in the a.m. and I think I peaked. This morning I thought, "Today I am going to be productive." It started off well, I got to my desk at 8:29 (that's early, may just be a minute, but it's early). I dropped off mail in the mail room, got my water, returned a phone call and got to work on a self appointed project, got a phone called returned, did some administrative work. At 9:40 I decided my head needed a break from all the numbers I had been working on. ...9:40. I am a weakling. This is my problem though, anytime I am given assignments or think of something that needs to be done I get to work and I get it done quickly. I don't take my time, I don't spread things out, so I cram it all in to an hour and then I have 6.5 hours of nothing to do. I need to slow my roll.

Last night was the second week of class. I still feel like I am in over my head and out of my league. Last night's panic was the new information that I may not even meet the eligibility requirements to take the exam! I am young, in age and profession, and my "status" as a non-exempt employee might be the only thing keeping me from being able to sit for the exam. After this was stated I spent the next 45 minutes trying to get myself to focus on class because in the back of my mind I was thinking, "What's the point? You can't even take the exam." I would have to wait until I was "exempt" status and then wait another two years. I finally got myself to focus, because at least passing the class was something I needed to do so I could be reimbursed by the company. Not that paying attention helps. I had to read the entire first book last week and all the instructor did was read through the book and the power point presentation. I have a lot of trouble focusing when I feel like the instructor hasn't even read over the power point (she kept saying things about certain slides, saying they were one thing, when clearly they were another...I just can't let things like that go). I had to whip out a notebook and write down all the things she was pointing out as "should pay attention to" at least that would narrow the 186 pages down a bit.

I was relieved to discover we only have to read half of the second book this week...but then I looked at where that point is, 140-some pages. So it's not that much less. Dangit. Only 10 more weeks of this, I can do this! Now the problem is, I have read, but I don't remember much. I was really proud of myself for an acronym I made up to remember the seven factors of an external environmental scan. You ready for this? D.E.E.P. S.I.T. (Demographics, employment, education, political, social, international, and technological). I find that it reflects my feelings about my current status in the class (or rather, what it kind of sounds like reflects my feelings) and has surprisingly made this one thing I remember clearly.

It was in the middle of class last night that I realized I don't want to do this stuff for the rest of my life. The first week I compared the class to German class in college, this week I compared it to Psychology. There is a reason. The first day of Psychology the professor said, "Do not try to diagnose yourself"...obviously a problem he had dealt with many times. In class last night we talked about engaged employees. I realized that I was not an engaged employee, rather, quite disengaged and quite bored and unchallenged at work (the instructor should have started class with the same warning, "Don't try to diagnose yourself". I don't think I want to be challenged, I think I want to find a different job, but I don't want to at the same time. So in the middle of class I realized that I have to do something I am deathly afraid of, I am going to send in my "book" to publishers and hope and pray for the best. I mean, I realize that even if they like it I could be waiting another 4 years before I see it published...but I have to try. It's what I actually enjoy doing. I don't want to keep existing as a disengaged employee.

I have seven days until I close on the house. I began packing about a month ago, I don't know if that is weird to people or not, I don't know moving etiquette...when is too soon to pack? I resisted the urge as long as I could, but when I am ready, I am ready. The other day I pulled out some old boxes with things already packed away. I think this is one of the things I like about packing, it gets me to pull out all the stuff I stuck in storage leading to an all expenses paid trip down memory lane. I found a bunch of things from college, maybe I will post pictures. In addition to memory lane is also the glorious moment where with full clarity of thought I realize, "I don't need this!" I have already taken two large boxes to Goodwill and thrown out/shredded other various crap, such as my sign language notebook from high school - it's not that I don't sign anymore, but I never used that notebook, it has sat on a bookshelf or in a box for the last 9 or so years and I have never cracked it open. The first page had actually melded to the notebook!

Last night Realtor Carol called, she had to leave a message because I was in class. The other realtor said the seller wanted to know if I wanted the couch and the kitchen table. I figure why not? I can sell it if I don't want it. I am tempted to ask if they are leaving the window treatments too but does that seem greedy? Anyway, today is the bank and call the realtor back, I need to also check with her if the seller and I can sync our electricity start/stop for the house...that would be nice, I set up the "start" for closing day so that I can stay there that night if I so choose.

...okay, I'll shut-up now. You're welcome.