By the way, I loved you in the Wizard of Oz.*

I've made a boo-boo.

I challenged myself to finish the Harry Potter books before the last movie came out. That's in about 19 days. It seemed easy at the time, I couldn't put the first three books down and so I read them quickly. I thought for sure that speed would stay with me through to the end so I took a break, telling myself I would read numbers 4 and 5 in June and somehow miraculously read 6 and 7 in July. I guess I didn't realize that Harry comes out on the 15th and I'm still stuck in book 4. I think my main problem is that I am starting to remember the movies; I have never read books where I have the movie first. I think it has something to do with already knowing what is going to happen, cause I can tell you, when I want to know what is happening I fly through books!

My second problem - my dumb book fell apart! Do you know how hard it is to want to pick up a book where the pages keep falling out? I eventually solved this problem by removing half of the book, but still.

It's time to buckle down and get reading. I don't actually think I can do it, but if I do it then that would be amazing. Not to mention, a huge boost for my overall "read 50 books" goal. So...it's off to my little room, locked away, reading.

They say taupe is very soothing.*

I have decided that I'm kind of the Dr. Frankenstein of office furniture. We have some really old chairs at work...some really old and dilapidated chairs. We have decided to slowly start replacing them. If it were up to me I would say, "Out with the old and in with the new!" but there's a budget and responsible spending getting in the way.

Therefore, ever so slowly (and by that I mean, we have a grand total of 2) we are getting new chairs. This chair dilemma kind of gets in the way of a small portion of my job. A new chair can take 2-3 weeks to get to us from the time of ordering. Not that long...when you are purchasing the chairs in advance (I think that's what Steven Covey means by being proactive), but when you realize you need new chairs as you are setting up a new hire who starts on Monday...not such a good thing.

So today, I was setting up two new hires and realized that both of their chairs were just dismal. I found a semi-descent chair only to realize that the arm had a hole in it, not too noticeable until you put your arm on the armrest. So I went to my little "chair graveyard" (seriously, that's what we call it), found a chair with a decent right arm and then went to work removing it. I took the arm to the other chair and replaced the bad arm with the good. "It's alive!"




...sadly, I have the feeling I will be doing this for a while before it can be proven that we should just buy a bunch of new chairs to have on hand. Then the chair graveyard can be converted into a...a...a chair incubator.

Fingers crossed we get some new chairs soon, I think the issue is slowly driving me mad.

He's too fantastic!*

First of all, I want to wish my brother, Matt, a happy birthday! I don't think he reads my blog, but it's the thought that counts (and if he does read he should leave comments so I actually know that he does). This blog, after all, was started so I could keep my family informed with what was happening in my life. Then...well, I don't know what happened to it. I just have a lot of feelings.*

For those of you who are interested, my life is going pretty well. I've had some rough patches recently, but overall I am feeling pretty optimistic about life. I won't get into details because then this post would turn into a novella, but recently I have come to learn a lot about myself and I may be self-centered, but it's an incredible feeling to figure things out. To begin to see a bigger picture and to realize that you are being lead to better things than what you were trying to lead yourself to.

Anyway. We had the Institute Open House last Friday and I think it went pretty well. We had a lot of people sign in at the front (and then we did door prizes) and on Tuesday we had a few new people at class. It was nice to be able to just wander from room to room and relax and not have to worry about if the food is filled or if the trash is picked up, either because someone else was fretting and I didn't know or because these people are clean and threw away their own trash.

...I ate a lot of Lofthouse cookies. This probably explains why I don't have a substantial memory of the evening. What I do know is that I almost won Foosball.

This summer, for Insti, the students are leading discussions on old Conference/BYU devotional talks. I will be leading the discussion on July 5th and my talk is a BYU Devotional, "Remember Lot's Wife" given by Holland. I am nervous, like when I see people giving a talk in church and I get that sinking feeling that my time is up, any week now it could be me on the stand. So I see the others leading the discussions and think, "My time is coming". I will let you know how it goes.

Kickball is going well. The day of a game I am not in the mood to go play, I think, "maybe I can tell them I'm sick and not go." Each and every week I have thought this. But I go and when I get there I feel alright. Everyone is still super nice and I am finally getting some names down. Our opponents this week were nicer and more fun by leaps and bounds than the team we played last week. The game is much more enjoyable when you don't have die hard kickball players. I mean, the opponents this week had socks (and one had shoes) that matched their jerseys and they actually "warmed up" for the game, but their attitudes weren't as crazed.

In other news, I am working on my query letter to send my story to a Literary Agent. In case you don't know, I like to write. I have written three stories and I am working on a fourth. The first three are a trilogy and this fourth is a new venture. I have to say, the hardest thing to write so far is this query letter. I can make up three books worth of fictitious life for fictitious characters but I struggle with a one page letter. Anyway, keep your fingers crossed, the plan is to send in the query letter and the first ten pages of the first book to a literary agent by July 15th.

That's kind of it for now. Hopefully my adventures this coming weekend will result in pictures, because sometimes that's all you really want from a blog post.

Call me Ishmael*

Ever try going to the bathroom with something like this standing behind you?

I have.

And I'm pretty certain that almost every horror movie I have ever seen, partially or in full, ran through my mind. I had to keep looking over my shoulder just to be certain it wasn't on the move.

I am lucky to be alive.

The morgue?! She'll be furious!*

A few weeks ago, we (Amber, Lindsay, Marissa and I) kidnapped Jim for his birthday and took him to see something he has wanted to see for all of his adult life.

Foamhenge: A full sized replica of Stonehenge made entirely of Styrofoam.

While kidnapping wasn't a surprise (Amber thought it best to let him know so he didn't go making other plans - it was wise) the location was. So we drove and drove and drove and then we stopped off at a Cracker Barrel miles and miles from home for breakfast. Jim loves Cracker Barrel, we began a brief fake relationship at Cracker Barrel several weeks ago when an old lady told us that it was so good to hear us laughing so much during her brunch (long story short, I actually thought she was coming to tell us to settle down).

Good morning kidnappers!

Cracker Barrel gives you syrup shots with every order of flapjacks - Jim drank one of those on a dare.

He kept trying to figure out where we were taking him, but after breakfast we told him that was it, we just wanted him to think something exciting was coming.

As we drove on towards our destination, we did a good job not telling him where we were going. Then, a few miles away we started to see giant billboards for Natural Bridge and Foamhenge (oddly enough I have never seen any type of advertising for Foamhenge), so he says, "Are we going to Foamhenge?" and everyone got quiet, turns out we all suck at lying (or being quick on our feet but that can't possibly be it).

So...surprise!

We pull up behind a hippie van and to this day I am not sure if Jim giggling like a school girl was because he was finally at Foamhenge or because of the hippie van.

Darwin Loves You (that's what the sticker says)

Pretty sure there are signs that state you should not ever touch anything at Foamhenge. Also, pretty sure that Marissa and Lindsay are illiterate.

Amber and I jumping from an actual rock (meaning: we were allowed to stand on it)

The hippie van owners also had these two spacemen. Legend has it that they haven't seen each other in 20 years! Ever since they were handed out as wedding favors to select guest.

Again people: you are NOT allowed to touch Foamhenge!

And last but not least - Jim and I taking our engagement photo by Merlin (you know that Merlin resides at the real Stonehenge correct? Just making sure). Shhh - don't tell Matt I was briefly fake engaged to Jim, I'm hoping Matt and I can work out our fake differences.

Happy Birthday Jim!

Don't Call It A Come Back*

“I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere to go."

~Abraham Lincoln~

Today I want to express my gratitude for the Lord. For a while I was writing gratitude posts every Sunday and it kind of tapered off. It's not that I am no longer grateful it is that I didn't build it as a habit, and I should have. I think that I need to remind myself of all that I have to be grateful for. Sometimes I get so caught up in my busy life, my routine, and mostly myself that I forget what great things are done for me.

I have come to realize as of late that I am one incredibly selfish individual. I mean, I always knew that I was selfish, but I don't think I realized before to what extreme. I don't want to be so selfish but I don't know how to change. I don't know how to stop being so self absorbed. A few posts ago I mentioned how I am ready to be more than I am (at least I hope that is the message that got across). I am ready, I am willing, I believe that most of my obstacles to achieve that have been removed (whether I wanted them removed or not), but the biggest one of all remains - what exactly am I supposed to do?

The other day I received more bad news - but it's the kind of bad news that only affects me. It struck me down in that "my world is over" kind of way we selfish people see things. I spent a lot of time on my knees unable to decide if I was angry, hurt, lost, or in denial. The emotions kept switching on me for a good thirty minutes if not more. Then I realized that no amount of crying was going to change anything and that if I wanted to change to be a better person I'd better get praying. So I prayed for the necessary strength to get through my trials and I prayed to know what it is that I should be doing. I'll admit, I have no idea where to begin. I guess in a way I see myself a little like C.S. Lewis wrote, a living house (quoted below). Except that I want to throw in there that I feel like I am handing God a dilapidated shack to begin with.

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” ~ C.S. Lewis

The Lord knows what he is doing even when we are not sure. Sometimes I feel like the world is ripped out from beneath my feet, which is all the more shocking when you felt you had your feet so firmly planted. I used to have a plan, an idea of where I was going, but now I don't. At first this hurt the worst, but ever so slowly I am coming to realize that maybe my plan was all wrong for me. I can see where the Lord has prepared me, little by little, to face this trial. I know that what I have learned over the years has also helped prepare me for the things I am struggling with.

My gratitude to the Lord (today) is this, that He sees what I have the potential to become, even if I can't see it and that He removes obstacles that I refused to acknowledge and though I struggle and doubt from time to time, he provides me with an indescribable peace I can find nowhere else.

Don't Want to Pull a Hammy*

Remember that kickball team that I randomly joined? Well, we had out first game last night. I was a little nervous, for a couple of reasons:

1. I only know one person on the team


2. I didn't really know where I was going


3. I can't claim to actually be good at kickball (but then again - can anyone?)

I printed out directions, I glanced over the field map, I considered finding a way out of it, but in the end I went. I had to circle the field at least twice because I couldn't find a spot, but then I found a nice little neighborhood to park in and walk over. I spotted my friend, Katie, on my second time around the field so that took care of some of the anxiety.

I got my shirt but there was no where to change, Katie suggested I old-school it by putting on the shirt then taking off the other one from underneath. It's been years since I have had to do that (let's think, 10th grade gym class I believe). I put the shirt on and then struggled a little, probably looking like an idiot with my arms tucked in, and then I just gave up, popped my arms back out, and decided that I would wear both shirts. It was only 98 degrees out, no problem (p.s. I really wanted to say "no sweat" there but instead I've written it right afterwards so you know that it was on my mind).

The game moves pretty quickly, I guess I didn't remember that from elementary school (either that or now that our arms are proportionate to our bodies we can actually catch the ball right away - easily/quickly getting three outs). A few innings passed before I was up to kick. I tried to follow all of the rules, kicking from behind the plate, eyeing the orange plate by first that I would have to touch first. Then the giant bouncy ball came towards me, I stepped back, then came forward and kicked it. I stood still (mistake) because I assumed that they would catch it right away (mistake) so when they didn't catch it right away I had to make a haul for it, I almost made it to the plate before they got me out (my speed must have increased because I ran up the hill at Foamhenge - pictures to come soon - not of me running, just from the adventure). The next time - I kicked and ran and took my chances, I made it to the base.

I finally figured out why a bunch of adults would sign up for a kickball league (aside from the obvious - it's awesome), it's a drinking league. I've never played on a sports team that drank cozy covered beers while waiting to kick. Katie and I brought our water bottles, and Katie offered to let me borrow a cozy, you know, so the children wouldn't see me drinking water.

All-in-all, it was a lot of fun. The whole team was very friendly; they cheered everyone on (even with bad kicks); and they thought I was funny (could have been the drinking?).

Oh - and we won! That of course was the best part. This morning I woke up with a sore kickball muscle (real life medical term there) which surprised me because I technically only kicked about 4 times. I'll be sure to do my stretches in the future - and once I am a bit more comfortable, I will take some photos.

Some thoughts

Yesterday, at church, my friend admitted that he has an empathy problem. Then he started to talk about when his grandmother passed away and how he knew it was hard for his mom but he never really saw his grandmother. I related to him then, all of my grandparents have passed and I know that it is difficult for my parent's, but it has been hard for me to truly understand because I never really saw any of my grandparents. I'm not saying I was a robot when they passed, I cried, trust me, but it was different. I cried that they were gone but also because I felt bad for not crying right away or because I hadn't really gotten to know them.


I told my friend that I had the same problem, though I don't believe it is as severe as I once imagined. If I let myself sit still and think about it, I have no issues with the empathy/sympathy. In fact, I really feel it, which is probably why I don't let myself dwell on these things very often.


This weekend I found out that a coworker passed away in a boating accident. There was the initial shock which I think most people have. I was immediately sobered when I heard the news, but then I went into denial mode. I had to keep going, I talked to whoever would listen about anything except this bad news, I watched a movie, listened to music, read, anything. In the moments I had to myself to think (which happens at church quite a lot) it started to sink in. I have cried a few times driving from Point A to Point B. I dreaded going to work Monday morning because it would somehow make it real.


I told myself I didn't want to go to work because I don't know how to behave in situations like this, but I think mostly I don't want to admit that it happened. If I don't go by her workstation it's as though she is just out of the office.


Her passing came on top of a few weeks of introspection about where I am going with my life. What am I doing and what am I waiting for? I have felt recently that the Lord was trying to tell me to do something more with my life and then with the news on Saturday I received an unfortunate reminder that we shouldn't wait. Another coworker wrote on her Facebook page that things like these really make you look at your life. I was already looking at my life but now there is a bit more urgency. I don't want to pass away from this life still waiting to pursue something better, something more for myself.

Yesterday, during the Relief Society lesson, the teacher said, "We're destined for greater things." I wrote that down, along with all the other little messages I have been receiving and then I changed it ever so slightly to read: "You are destined for greater things." Then I added, "Start today".

I think a lot of us live beneath our potential for whatever reason. It could be that we simply don't know what our potential is, or it could be that we are scared to put ourselves out there and try. I think I have a mixture of both but starting today I am going to do something about that. I want to realize what I am capable of and to stop being afraid to achieve it.

Will everyone just calm down! For the love of God and all that is holy, calm the hell down! *

I'd like to introduce you to the newest member of our family.

Meet Troy:

Ole' Faithful passed away the morning of May 21st due to complications of the...filter or some kind of valve or what have you. He was a good lawnmower, he had last a long time, and he had been free to me. He may run again some day, but summer and grass waits for no man (or woman or lawnmower).

It was time.

So the young, new whippersnapper joined our ranks and took Ole' Faithful's place in the work shed. He started up on the first pull of the string and he cut the grass quite well. Now if only his cousin, the weed whacker would get here, then maybe my lawn would really look nice.

You should know that this is the strangest thing I have ever done!*

January - 4

February -3

March - 4

April -5

May - 4

Bossy Pants by Tina Fey - I knew Tina Fey was funny but my word! I started to read this book on a lunch break, I went into our department conference room so I could plug in to my iPod and read. I was laughing so hard by page 14 that I had tears rolling down my face! The best part was that someone opened the door to let the Shred-It guy come in and she thought I was crying and was like, "Oh crap! Sorry!" but I told her I was just laughing so hard I was crying, "This is the funniest book," I told her. Then I had to keep from reading while the guy was in there emptying the Shred-It bin so he wouldn't think I was snickering at him.
Maximum Ride, the Angel Experiment by James Patterson - I had trouble getting in to this one and I wasn't 100% sure why. It was a good book, but I won't be rushing off to get the second anytime soon. Eventually I will probably finish the series.

Isaiah for Air Heads by John Bytheway - very informative and helpful in understanding Isaiah! If you read it, read it alongside the Isaiah chapters in your scriptures, you'll get the most out of it that way.
The Anubis Gates by Tim Powers - Another one I had a hard time getting in to, but once the twists and turns get going it was incredible. I loved that I was able to figure out certain aspects in advance but didn't feel like it was because it was too easy (if that makes sense). Tim Powers laid the clues down for you to find easily if you were looking, but you could easily be just as surprised as the characters if you wanted to be. I liked how he pulled bits and pieces from the histories of famous people and then wove them together to create this crazy, fictional history for the people. It's not what I would call a quick read, but it's a read that it worth it.