Don't waste time or time will waste you.*

Congratulations to Murbatron for getting the blog bucks from the last post.  And thank you to Martha for the idea to post who won the blog bucks from the previous post. 

2013 is going to be a good year - I've decided it and it is now true.  My theme actually comes from my friend, Jordan.  He was talking to me and was trying to rhyme things with 13 and walla - I've filched it from him.

Living the Dream in 20-13 (pronounced twenty-thirteen)

and my other theme

Hold On Thy Way

2013 Goals

1. Read 50 books - it's back! I know I said I would never do it again, and it's probably the worst decision I can make - but I think I can do it...and I need more motivation to read.

2. Finish the two stories I am working on - I have two works in progress and hit some serious writer's block.  I need to focus on writing again.

3. Don't text and drive (don't call the cops on me).  I'm going to admit a horrible thing that I do.  I text while driving, sometimes I read a book, I write things for my stories, I make lists, etc.  Basically...I don't give my full attention to the road.  I need to do that.  So what better time to start than the beginning of a new year?

4. Be Healthier - annual check-ups, eating veggies, working out, etc.  It's not so much about losing weight anymore - though I'd still like to drop some 'lb's, it's about being healthier in my old age.

5.Get back to the basics - I want to continue the goal from last year where I really got down to prayer and scripture study.  I've finally figured out a way that works for me with my studying and I want to continue to develop that good habit.

6. Home Improvement - I really would like to work on the fence, paint the house (pizza & painting party coming this spring), fix the dishwasher, and a myriad of other home improvement projects.

7. Budgeting/Pay off Debt -Well, you know what they say....um...something about how many tries is the charm and if at first you don't succeed.  2013 is going to be the year it all comes together - work down the debt and figure out how to budget and track finances in a way that makes sense to me.  Or maybe it has to do with developing some self discipline already!

8.Attend at least one writers conference - (p.s. got my second rejection letter - hurt a little more than the first, maybe because it wasn't written like a break up). I've decided that I need to do more than just hope that some agent has time to read my query letter and sample.  I need to get out there and *gulp* talk to people.  This is no easy task for an introvert such as myself, but if I'm serious about this then I have to start acting like it!

9. Time Management - Eek.  So, when I have down time I find myself playing games on the phone, watching Netflix, etc.  I want to make better use of my time.  When I have 5-10 minutes I would like to clean up, fold laundry, write, read, etc.  Not just mindless stuff.

10. Journal Writing - I used to be SO GOOD at journal writing and then...I just stopped being good at it.  I have experiences that I wish I had written about but can't remember as well anymore.  I don't think blogging helps cause it feels like I wrote stuff, but it's not the same stuff I would put in my journal.  So I'd like to be more consistent about it, I'd like to write in it everyday - even if I am just writing one nice thing that happened that day.

You go Glen Coco.*

2012 in review:

The goals:

1. Send in my first story to a publishing agent by the end of April - rejection or no rejection - Done! Rejected! And done again (waiting on next rejection)!

2. Continue to work on budget and reducing debt.  I'd like to stop buying random things as they come to mind (a particular book, new pillows, etc. Sometimes a "need" can wait until the budget permits) - uhh...so I think I've got my budget figured out, and recording my purchases figured out...it's that nasty thing about not just buying things when I think of them.  Books mostly, they are my downfall - please send Barne's and Noble giftcards to support my ugly habit.

3. Home Improvement - Buy a new couch, paint the house, finish the fence, and kill all spiders (in all the world).  I didn't actually kill any spiders in 2012...but Chris killed a good three or four for me, and given the SIZE of these things, I think we're close to riding the world of this evil.  I didn't work on my fence AT ALL in 2012, or paint the house, and I didn't buy a couch - but I got Vivienne and she came with a couch.  With Chris' help I have improved the front yard. Violet, my 100+ year old neighbor has already recruited Chris to come help her when he's done helping me. 

4. Simplify - dejunking and cut the fat in my life to things that matter most. - you should see my trunk. It's full of things to get rid of.  I still have further to go, but I've gotten rid of some books, movies, some rugs up in the attic, tons of clothes that I was just never wearing, etc.  It. Feels. Good.

5. Draw closer to the Lord by studying my scriptures regularly.  I think it's safe to put this in the green.  I had a few bumps and bruises along the way and I wasn't so great at this at the beginning of the year, but my life is finally getting back on track and each day has some real studying going on.

6. Participate in more service by being more faithful and diligent in my callings, by seeking out someone who is sitting alone, by being a friend to those ho need a friend, and by seeking out opportunities to serve the community.  - this is yellow because while I did step it up in a lot of these things, I just don't feel like I actually made it a priority. I think this one may make the list again.

7. Bearing my testimony at least four times in 2012 in Sacrament Meeting -
BIG 'OLE GREEN! Yeah! I don't know if you know this about me - but being up in front of people is one of my least favorite things in the world.  I would rather jump into a swimming pool full of battery acid and rabid rats (sound familiar Mur?)  But I did it! I don't know if I ever made sense, but I did it and after the initial de-stressing of my body (the sharp stabs through my kidneys cause I get so tense) I felt pretty good about it.

8. Going to the temple at least once a month - Don't get me wrong, I went a lot - but not as often as I wanted and not as consistently as I wanted.

9. Prioritizing all of my wants and needs to find those things that will be of most benefit to me not necessarily now, but things that may be of benefit in the future. i.e. building and sustaining good habits such as daily scripture study and prayer, FHE, praying over all meals, eating meals at the table instead of in my room. - This is kind of a lighter green because I'm not done with it.  I failed with the whole FHE thing, I'm working on good habits (one day at a time and the success is if you do it more times than not in a month, right?)

10. Avoid gossip - Err - this goal was just a bad idea - it's not measurable.  I mean it's a GOOD desire, and I work on it.  Sometimes I catch myself talking to someone and realize we're gossiping and try to cut that out.  It's hard, but I'll keep working on it (but it won't make the list of goals in 2013).

Everything else:

Since my life isn't just about completing ten goals each year, I felt maybe I should write a little bit.  2012 was not what I would call the best year - I started it off with a mysterious illness, extremely low blood platelets and an unhelpful doctor.  My birthday while as fun as it could be, was a bust - I couldn't even enjoy the delicious cake my sister made me because of the way I felt.  I was finally able to get over that illness and thought to myself, "this better mean the rest of the year is going to be great!".  Well - I broke up with my boyfriend, had a few dark months (yeah, I think it's safe to say months even though there were breaks in them) where I spent much of my time and energy being disappointed in myself, I had to have two root canals, I ended the year sick again, and overall, I felt at many times like I wasn't where I wanted to be at this point in ALL/ANY areas of my life. 

But while 2012 wasn't the greatest year of my life, I can't really complain.  While my health was out of commission for a while, I overall have it!  My brother and his family were able to visit in the early summer and my sister and her family were here for Christmas.  I ran many different races (some fun, some not) and I was ABLE to run those races and complete them.  I beat my half marathon time and as I look down the barrel at 2013 I can't help but wonder if I will try to run the half again.  I was able to visit all the Northeast states and the Grand Canyon in Arizona.  While I was on an emotional rollar coaster for a good portion of the year, I feel like I am finally figuring out who I am and where I am supposed to go.  I am developing better self discipline and learning how to build healthy relationships. I am also learning to really, truly study the gospel and to rely more on the Lord.  One thing that I have really been able to see a lot in my life this past year is that the Lord never gives up on us.  We may be struggling to figure things out, we may turn our backs on him from time to time (intentionally or not), but he is always there, reaching out for us, trying to get a message through to us.

I may not have had the best year, but I feel truly blessed!  The Lord has been so kind to me, even if I haven't felt I deserved it.  I have the perfect family for me, amazing friends who are such good examples to me, I have my health, my home, my job, and honestly, more than I need.  And most importantly, I have the gospel in my life and a Heavenly Father who loves me.

One of my favorite songs right now is "That Wasn't Me" by Brandi Carlile.  I like this song becuase it starts off with disappointment and shame but ends with hope.  She sings about the things she's done and keeps saying, "whatever you've seen, that wasn't me" and then at the end she sings the things she wants to become or should be and says, "when that's what you see, that will be me."  I think that sums up 2012 for me.  Whatever you've seen (or didn't because I kept it to myself...) that wasn't me.  2013 will be about avoiding making the same mistakes of the past, getting my priorities straight and becoming who I really am.

To 2013 I say, "do your worst, for I will do mine!"* (ahem...and by "worst" I really mean "best").

But it's ok, they gave me a restraining order.*

At some point my life got really hectic.  I guess I can't complain, it's better than having nothing to do - but I do love blogging so I'm sad I haven't been able to post anything in a while.  Soon....soon life will clam down, soon I will upload pictures from my camera...soon.  Luckily for you, I've been working on my end of the year posts here and there - so hopefully I'll have the year end wrap up posted before the year ends. 

In the meantime - Let my niece tell you the most gripping story ever told!  ....she takes after her aunt.

Aw- you made me ink!*

When I was younger we used to take these long drives to Michigan - that's where my dad is from. I don't remember much about these trips except that we had this huge van we would pile in to. My mom would pop lots of popcorn on the stove and stick it into a brown paper grocery bag, which would then get little grease spots all over. I also remember thinking it took a long time to get there - which is true, it did, and mom making us stop every so often so we could stretch our legs and not get blood clots (wait...I think I may have found the source of my hypochondria). But the thing I remember most is that my dad used to drink soda or water on the way up (this makes sense as an adult who has driven many miles on road trips - you've got to keep the drinks and snacks coming to fight off sleep). I was in the DARE program and any other program offered by public schools that teach children not to do drugs, drink, cross the train tracks when a train is coming... and I just remember being horrified that my dad was drinking and driving! I laugh about this now because of how naive I was.
I also remember laying in bed when I was younger, Joanna by my side and we were calling to our dad to come do something for us and my dad said, "Okay, just a minute!" and I sat there thinking, "how long is a minute??" I didn't know if a minute was quick or would take a long time.

It makes me laugh more because I have these kids in my life who have the same thing happening now.
Last Sunday I said to Ava, "I like your outfit," and gestured towards what she was wearing. She said, "Oh, no my outfit is at home, these are just my clothes." I wonder what "outfit" means in her head.
Then there was the time about a year ago when I was hanging out with Tommy, we had just eaten dinner and he wanted me to pick him up and toss him around and I said, "Oh, I need to digest." He laughed and said, "Ok, you be Jess!" Ok - that one may not count exactly - but it's a fun story.
Do you have memories like that? Where you look back and you remember NOT understanding something that seems so simple now?

I can hear you getting fatter.*

I was looking through some old post (I'm narcissistic) and I had one that I called Reminiscent Wednesday. I think at some point I thought I would make this a regular thing - but something tells me that with my memory this is a bad idea. Regardless - I wanted to do one again (p.s. I realize it's not Wednesday).


So, as most of these stories will be (if I decide to try this out), it's from college. P.S. my apologies if I have shared this story before. I tried to search through to make sure I hadn't.

One summer I stayed out at school. I had a few reasons for doing this, but the one that is sticking out as actually being true was because there was a Flannery O'Connor course being offered, only that summer, and with a special guest professor from the University of Georgia. I don't know how many people are familiar with Flannery O'Connor but I just love her work. She's a bit dark - and I really dig/dug that in high school. So when I heard there was a course I decided that I had to stay out there (thanks Mom and Dad for letting me!)

Jessie (a.k.a. Dragon), Erin and I moved in to Normandy Apartments. It was this little slab of a building, three stories, a handful of apartments, a giant brick wall that block the air flow to the three middle apartments, one of which was mine....apartment 9 - did I mention apartments in Rexburg don't have AC?

Apartment 9 was a little, teeny, tiny apartment. One bedroom, three girls, a kitchen/dining room and a living room with a super cute built in bookshelf (have I mentioned before how much I love built in bookshelves? …have I mentioned that “have I mentioned” is probably one of my most used phrases?). No dishwasher either - not the point.

It was while living in this apartment that a lot of great things happened. I got hooked me up with a job; I made awesome friends like Cassie, Sarah, and Tami; I almost got the hang of skateboarding...until the accident.

Big summer.

It was also where I first saw the movie "The Ring". Erin and her boyfriend (now husband), Steve rented The Ring and had watched it for a date night. They told me that I could watch it; I was a bit nervous because I heard it was really scary and I'm not one for watching scary movies...ever. I like suspense - not scary. Anyway, so I decided to watch it, but with someone and during the day. So Tami (my upstairs neighbor) and I watched it at her apartment. It was FREAKY! I don't really watch scary movies so I don't know if there are movies that top it, but I was scared. It was the scared-est I think I had ever seen! When Tami and I had finished we realized we still had lots of time left in the day. That's the thing about Rexburg, the days seem to drag with endless amounts of time but nothing to fill it with. So we decided to go get ice cream in Idaho Falls. There was a cool little dairy down there (at least that's why I think we were going down there). So I go downstairs to get ready and I walk into the apartment - no one is home and the television is on, but it's not on a channel, it's just that static...the kind you see in The Ring! I don't even think I went any further into my apartment. I turned around and ran upstairs to Tami's apartment! I eventually forced myself to take the most terrifying shower of my life (ahem - well, up to that point. The most terrifying was after having seen a small portion of The Grudge through my slotted fingers at the movie theater). Then we set off for our adventures.

We got to the dairy and then we saw signs for Craters of the Moon and we thought, "what the heck." So we followed the signs for a while and wondered how far away Craters of the Moon was. We were getting ready to give up when we saw a small sign for Devil's Gate or something like that. So we decided that we would go there instead. We pulled down this gravel road and drove for a little ways (maybe a quarter of a mile).

We parked and got out of the car. It was quiet there, there were no cars passing on the nearby road, no trees for the wind to blow through, had there even been wind. There were no birds chirping and no animals scurrying about. When I say it was quiet I mean quiet - almost as though we were in a vacuum. Hell's/Devil's gate was a bunch of rock that we climbed around, took a few pictures, but overall, not much to it. Once or twice I almost had a heart attack because when something did make noise it seemed so much louder against the deafening silence. I was relieved when Tami was ready to go. We got back in to the car and I pulled out of our "spot" and then it happened...

I don't know how I had missed it before, but as I looked into the rearview mirror I stared straight at a well. My foot went from the brake to the accelerator so fast that gravel was shooting out behind us and my car slightly fishtailed. A well!? To me it looked just like the one in The Ring. By the time we got back on the paved road headed toward the dairy and safety, my heart finally slowed down. That night we watched The Ring again, because I needed to fall asleep while watching it - that way I wouldn't be so freaked out by it. Mission Accomplished. While that movie doesn't freak me out and I ended up watching it many times the next school year, I just avoid it now. But that's my story about the first time I saw The Ring. Hope you enjoyed.

I wipe my own butt, I wipe my own butt!*

So far - I've been eaten my taco salad with lettuce (yes, I've had quite a bit of taco salad and lettuce since I last wrote) and I tried a carrot chip (they are just cut carrots I figured I'd have an easier time gnawing on those).  I think if I force myself to eat those carrots I'll lose a lot of weight - because there is no joy in carrot eating - it just sucks the life out of me.

I thought I'd let you know how my weekend went. 

Friday night Nick, Chris, Brittany and I went on our own version of the Tacky Light Tour.

See, here's my problem.  I'm not feeling Christmas this year.  I tried to listen to some Christmas music to get myself in the spirit, but I couldn't do it and turned it off.  I decorated the house all Christmasy and still nothing.  I don't know how to do it.  I'm not turning in to a scrooge, I'm not against Christmas, I just don't feel it.  Where are you Christmas?*  I was hoping the tacky light tour would help - but alas, still don't feel it.

Regardless, here are some photos.

Saturday was pretty busy for me.  I made pumpkin bread cause I owed Spencer some (how he convinced me that I owed him baked goods I'm not sure - but it worked).  Then I went to hang out with Joanna and the kids.  We made Christmas trees and ate icing.  Really, I think more icing went into our mouths than onto the ice cream cones:

I love hanging out with that little family.  But even then - I'm rushing towards Christmas and don't even feel it.  From there I dropped some stuff off at Goodwill and then ran to the store to get food to make for the missionaries.  Brittany came over and we fed the three of them.  I was so glad Brittany was there because apparently I'm not very good at making conversation with boys I'm not allowed to flirt with...I'm probably not very good at making conversation with boys/people in general. 

After the missionaries left we headed over to Spencer's house for games.  When I made the pumpkin bread I figured I would have to take it to church on Sunday, but then I got a text that we were getting together at his place and I was grateful I could just slip the bread into the kitchen and not have to carry it around at church.

After games, Brittany and I headed over to the boy's house but we had to stop and get gas first.  I went to what I thought was a functioning gas station near Spencer's house - but it was like the River Front in Delaware (if you recall - it seemed like it would be cool, but the website was apparently just promises I what it will be soon).  I took the wrong turn coming out of the gas station and was going to turn around but then I saw another gas station.  It was dark and quiet and there was a car parked between two pumps but no one was near it.  There were no other cars around though - super creepy. Creepier when I was pumping gas and heard footsteps coming up to my left.  I turned more so I could watch the person out of the corner of my eye and prayed they wouldn't come up to me, but they did.  The stranger turned out to be a young lady who asked if she could use my phone to call her mom because her car broke down.  I got her my phone and the whole time ran through horror movie scenarios.  Luckily, I couldn't think of any that were just like this.  She was telling the person on the phone that she needed jumper cables and I happened to buy my own several years back so I pulled them out and told her I could give her car a jump (not that I actually know how to use jumper cables).  So she said that would be great and said that her boyfriend and the car were across the street in the parking lot and I was like, "Okay, uh, I don't know how you feel about strangers but we can give you a ride, or you can walk and we'll follow" cause yes, I realized that she could be just as creeped out by us.  She rode with us over and Brittany and I jumped their car.  It's a very satisfying feeling.  Of course, later we found out from Nick that we did it wrong and we could have blown up their battery.  Darn - it had seemed so easy and easy to remember - but I suppose I have to learn the right way to do it.  Well - we were meant to be there to help them at that time, so that's why we didn't blow up their battery.  Yay for service opportunities and miracles!

In other news - today we had an interview candidate who came in and he looked an awful lot like Ryan from the office.

But before he became super sketch.

You love her, you just don't remember!*

I don't eat vegetables.  I hope none of you think less of me now that I've confessed this and laid it out there on the blog.  For some of you, this is no surprise.  For others, you're probably wondering what I really look like or how I've lived so long.  Believe it or not - you won't die from prolonged vegetable absence in your diet.  I'm living proof of that.  That doesn't make it right though (children - don't follow my example - carrots are still good for your eyes). 

I happen to think about this more than you would think.  I would like to dig right in to a plate of veggies or to be normal when I go out to eat and not pick out all these things I've never tried but I worry are nasty.  I don't want to live a life devoid of veggies that everyone else seem to be able to enjoy so easily.  So - as I am apt to do, I was thinking about this the other day while studying.  I was studying about sacrifice and obedience and what I was reading was talking about the word of wisdom (for those of you who don't know - the word of wisdom is kind of a "good health" guideline - it talks about abstaining from drinking, smoking, drugs, etc. and also things pertaining to eating certain things in moderation).  So I was thinking about how sometimes I am asked to do something and I'm scared to do it, but I do it.  Then my mind went to veggies - Why don't I eat veggies? Why don't I try new foods? Why don't I chose something different than "my usual" when I go out to eat?  I think I'm scared.  What do I have to be scared of? Good health!?

Anyway - so I think I'm going to do it, I think I'm going to start eating new things.  I've suddenly found myself in this mood where I don't want to hold back on things because of fear.  So when someone mentioned ice skating I was like, "yeah sure, I'll try it" (not sure if that's going to happen, but different story).  I've long held off on ice skating because my feet would not have direct contact with the floor - those types of activities make me nervous because you can fall and get hurt.  Well -so what?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to go do something stupid like bungee jump off a bridge or anything.  I still have basic survival instincts, I'm just reevaluating why I don't do certain things, why I've always turned them down and for today and this week at least, I feel like taking some chances.  Now someone quick, get me some broccoli before I change my mind!

Handsome and smart - how confusing.*

The weekend always flies by.  It seems that there is never enough time.  Sometimes this leaves me feeling on Monday as though I wasted time or didn't squeeze in as much as I could.  This Monday, I don't feel that way.  This weekend was busy beyond belief and yet I don't feel as though I didn't get enough done and I certainly didn't feel as though it were wasted.

After work on Friday I was able to go to the store and do a little shopping for the Angel Tree.  Every year I shop for an Angel for one of our employees who lives in Illinois.  It's a neat experience and I like to pretend I go "in on the gift" with him because if I go over the amount he sends me I just cover it.  So this year I decided to do my very own angel as well.  I don't find shopping fun, so I can't say this was fun, but I definitely enjoyed it to a degree - mostly the thought that I was helping some unknown little two year old boy (along with the three year old I picked out for Don in Illinois). 

From shopping I went to an engagement party (at least that's what I think it was).  Basically we ate food and played games and mingled with a couple that got married on Saturday (or if we are looking at this from a Friday evening standpoint - they were getting married the next day).  It shouldn't still surprise me, but I still am surprised sometimes when I realize just how great my friends are.  I had a friend tell me once that I saw the good in people and loved them despite their short comings - I don't know how I feel about this, but I do know that sometimes I forget how much I care for them and how much they care for me.  They are all good people and despite how we trash talk on the Frisbee field, there is a good friendship there not only based in playing sports with each other.  And the nicest thing is when the boys from Frisbee acknowledge that they haven't forgotten I'm a girl. 

I stayed at the party later than I expected because I was having a really good time.  Then I went home and hopped in bed because I was set to get up at 6:30 in the flipping a.m. to drive up to the temple.

Chris B. rode up with me and we were able to stop by the church bookstore while we waiting for Chris E. to meet up with us for a 10:00 a.m. session (that turned in to 10:30).  I finally bought my own copy of the book "The Peace Giver".  I had mentioned it to Chris B. on our drive up when we were talking about Holland's talk "Remember Lot's Wife".  I'm excited to reread and underline and write comments and everything. 

I feel like the past two weeks have been an incredible opportunity for learning and for growth.  Two weeks ago, I was able to talk to several good people in my life about my anger issue (did I blog about this? If not - suffice it to say, I was angry).  Last Sunday we had a lesson on  Spiritual Droughts and I was already coming out of one and realized that I had caused mine, because I had been unwilling to let go of the anger I was feeling, it had become a crutch for me that I hadn't realized I was clinging to. Then this past week, I've been studying diligently in my personal study about a topic that randomly came to my mind.  As I was studying I realized how I could apply it to what I was feeling and working through in my personal life, and in the process revisited my obligation to forgive. 

I absolutely love and have missed the temple!  It wasn't some amazing experience where I received answers to every question I had, but it was a chance for me to feel completely at peace.  I was able to just sit and be still and let everything slip away.  I hadn't wanted to leave, but we wanted to grab lunch before our friend's wedding so despite what I wanted, I was not allowed to sit there for the rest of my life (and trust me, that's what I wanted).  I hope no one was offended - but I was pretty quiet during lunch, as I said to Amber, I think I was sedated. 

The ceremony was beautiful and there were a lot of great things said by the sealer.  Then we went outside and waiting for the newly weds to make their appearance.  So we took some of our own pictures.

I would show you....blogger says I can no longer upload photos...something about a limit, sad day.


Then Chris B. and I left to go grab Cafe Rio for the Elders back in Richmond - they are all from out west and Cafe Rio is a little like home for them I guess.  Then we went to the restaurant where everyone else was going for a little "reception".  I ate Japanese food - kind of.  It was good, but Brittany and I left right after the toast to go get stuff to decorate the car with.


Maddy was under the impression that I had gotten really sick and was in the bathroom the whole time (courtesy of Daniel).  I went and gave her a hug and apologized for Brittany and I being gone so long, but explained that I had a really bad headache.  She told me what Daniel and told her and I said, "well, it's Daniel, you know how guys blow that stuff out of proportion."  When we got out to the parking lot and she saw the car she said, "You weren't sick!"  At least my name is cleared!

I got home around 8 or 8:30, laid in bed, and was out cold by 9:30.