Captain's Log (And if you don't get this reference don't talk to me)

Today I got the opportunity to do something that I have never really done before. I got to entertain an interview candidate. Yeah, being the reserved individual I am and also being that this kid is close to my age I really had no desire to go and shoot the breeze with him. In fact I told Boss Lady sarcastically that talking to strangers was one of my favorite things to do. It is, in fact, the furthest thing from it. So I asked her what I was supposed to say, she told me to offer him water, talk to him for a bit until the Pres. was ready to see him. I jokingly asked if I should take things to entertain him, possibly a magic trick.

The problem with waiting for Pres is that I had no clue how long that could take. So, with my nerves rattling around inside of me (I strongly believe that I suffer from some kind of anxiety) I walked to the conference room where he was waiting. I entered the room, told him it was just me again, but informed him the person interviewing him next had someone with him so he would be here shortly. I offered him water (for the second time today, and right after the first time Boss Lady offered him some) so I told him that I would just keep asking until he wanted some. Then I pretty much explained that I was there to keep him busy and actually asked if he would like to see a magic trick, I don't remember if he even had a chance to respond before I admitted that I don't actually know any. I asked him if he had any questions so far and he replied in the negative - nothing. I didn't even contemplate turning around and leaving him to wait in boredom because I knew if I went back to my desk Boss Lady would make me return (she said this experience would be good for me and developing my interviewing skills). Well, fine if you have a list of questions already prepared, I was going in with nothing except to offer a magic trick I couldn't pull through on.

So I took a seat across from him and put my fingers up in quotations marks and told him I would interview him. I asked him if he was from around here. Born and raised. He asked me the same question back and I told him the same answer. Then I asked what high school he went to and then he asked me. Why did this feel like a date? (P.S. I hate dates). Then I remembered from his resume (because I get access to all this information) where he went to school and it seemed odd to me to be born and raised here and go out of state for college (even though that's what I did, but normally there is an interesting, fact finding reason for it). This is when I mention that I have seen his resume (probably not a comfort). He went down there because a brother's friend or something and ended up liking it so he went to school there. I know all this information and later when Boss Lady asked me about how it went I went off and told her where he went to school, where he has lived (including a ranch in Wyoming for 5 months where he tried to pick up fly fishing and went to Jackson Hole twice (it was on my list but I never went)). He played football in high school and lacrosse, but isn't really coordinated enough for sports so he just runs. He now knows about me (if he cares to remember) that my favorite vacation spot is Jacksonville, North Carolina, I'm not going there this weekend because I have a basketball game on Saturday and despite being the "young" team we aren't winning very often but maybe this weekend we will (he'll keep his fingers crossed for us), that I went to school in Idaho and loved it despite how cold it was, I've never been to Jackson hole but I went to Yellowstone and I paused before I said it was 'fun' because honestly, it wasn't the most thrilling thing I've ever done (and I went off on how we took a million pictures of Old Faithful back before we owned a digital camera and were stuck with all these pictures of the same thing). No clue how long I was in there but I feel like it was a while. There were a few long seconds of silence too while I tried to think of things to ask him. I finally got to the bottom of the barrel and asked if he'd seen any good movies lately. The way he said 'yes' was like he had seen quite a handful of delectable movies lately, and I began to wonder why I didn't currently know what is out in theaters. He picked one to tell me about...slum-something millionaire. I told him I had never even heard of it so he was telling me how it's about this kid in the slums of...enter country other than U.S. here - and then Pres walked in. I told Pres I was just interviewing and he seemed surprised and I told him I was just kidding because even though that should go without saying I felt I should probably say it. I said goodbye to new best friend and tried to calmly walk back to my desk (because when I do things that I didn't want to do I have a habit of letting it all out after I'm done, such as the phlegm sound I make whenever I hang up the phone, despite whether or not the conversation was good or bad because I hate the phone).

I waited until I got back to my desk and let my face redden and laughed at myself for what a moron I am. I may or may not have violently shaken my arms...may or may not have. Then I thought on the fact that I don't think I could ever conduct an interview without wanted to claw my eyes out afterwards. And it's nothing against this kid, because it wasn't an interview and I happen to know a lot about this kid should he be hired, we're already besties...it's just for the same reason I don't like dating, the anxiety that builds up in me, the pressure to make conversation and try not to sound lame but also not talk about myself the whole time. The pressure to make eye contact rather than look all over the room (which I prefer to do when I'm talking to someone, especially boys - no matter if there is any interest there or not). ...I'm retarded.

All I know is now that I've formed an attachment he'd better get hired. I didn't do all that work for nothing.