Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Kings and pawns, marshal. Emperors and fools. *

Let's play a game called, how weird and crazy can Lildonbro get!?

Also known as...

The Real Facts



Jimothy sent me a text the other day asking why I don't have a pool. I told him that there were several reasons:
  • Insurance

  • I don't swim

  • Sharks
He understood the first two but challenged me on the whole sharks bit saying he's never heard of a shark getting in to a swimming pool (funny story, I retold this portion to my roommate and she fixated on the insurance...I pointed this oddity out to her). I kindly explained to him that sharks can travel through the underground water, swim up a well and get into a pool. Again, he challenged me on the ability of sharks to live in fresh water.

As everyone knows (or maybe you don't, and if you don't I think we're going to have more fun with this), sharks are "salt water fish". At least...that's what they want you to believe. From my understanding it's shark week - or was a week ago, not sure, I've never been with the times. To celebrate that here are the real facts about sharks -

  1. Sharks are actually ambiaquatic. They have the ability to live in salt water and fresh water

  2. The average shark is only afraid of two things, dolphins and gorillas. However, due to limitations of both of these mammals, they share the responsibility of shark control. The dolphins defend the ocean while the gorillas defend the land.

  3. Shark life is a lot like organized crime. When a hit is called on a shark they are not sent to swim with the fishes, but rather, to sail with the marine biologists. (go ahead, google the article, it's real).

  4. While sharks pretend to live mostly solitary lives, there is actually a vast social network, they try to keep it under wraps, but Finbook.com is just getting too big to be ignored.

  5. Jellyfish actually do a lot of the dirty work for sharks. While it is debatable whether or not sharks come close to shore, it is no secret that jellyfish do. The jellyfish will choose a victim, sting them until they can't swim and start to sink...to a shark waiting below the surface.
I know these facts seem horrible, but it is the truth. Sharks can swim upriver as well as through the underground water source, which is why they can end up in a swimming pool in RVA...

Fun Fact

When a shark doesn't finish its human its mother will go off about how there are starving sharks in the pacific. Okay - so the truth? While sharks scare me and I never want to meet one, they are kind of pretty cool and may fascinate me a little. You have to have respect for something that doesn't actually sleep, won't care for it's newborns because all sharks are born with basic survival instincts, and can replace their teeth in less than 24 hours.

Imagine the things I could do if I had that basic skill set. Le sigh, maybe in another life.

4 comments:

Unknown said...

I am rather offended by the fact that professors consistently lie to me. We need to give our cousin a heads up, if sharks can go through rivers and groundwater they're probably in the sewers. That could really hinder his ability to cook and sell sweet meth in the fragrant tunnels, in the nude, naturally.

Nick and Marianne said...

sometimes when you write I get so involved I begin to question what is real and what isn't...you're amazing.

Anonymous said...

*The Count of Monte Cristo?
-Nobody

J, K & L said...

are you a shark week fan? jared can't get enough...

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