I am on a quest to help a friend, and on that quest I have come to the realization that I secretly want to be the female Greg Behrendt (the author of the book He's Just Not That Into You). I have ample experience in rejection and unrequited love. I have a Bachelor's degree in being the Man's Lady, in other words, I am the girl that the guys love to be friends with and like to vent their women frustrations to. For over a decade I have been working on my Ph.D in the Intricacies of the Male Brain - I have had the opportunity to learn from many naturally gifted individuals just how the male brain works. I am not completely there, so take that in to consideration whenever I start spouting off ideas. I am a work in progress and so are the ideas coming out of my head.
That being said, I am currently working on a __ Step Program (Not sure how many steps yet so I left it blank) to help girls.
Sometimes being single is a pain in the butt because every topic seems to go back to dating. People talk about it like it's a disease to be cured. We spend the first quarter of our lives single, it's not because we are infected with some virus, it's just the way things are, it's a part of life. No one talks about adolescence like it's something to be fixed...well, maybe. But childhood certainly, no one asks, "What can we do differently so that children are growing up and leaving childhood faster?" It's just a stage of life that we grow through until one day, we find someone, we get married, and we are single no more.
Tuesday night at Institute we were talking about one topic, and it seemed to me that no matter what question was asked it came back to dating. I suppose being a large group of single people together this was to be expected, and in some situations I agree that we should try to apply it to our lives. However, this night the topic didn't seem like it could even go to dating, but somehow it did.
At one point in the class they were talking about how men and women react differently to different situations. Isaac was going on about how men use logic and women use emotion. Then in almost the same breath he talks about how emotions are illogical, which fits if his statement of logic vs emotion is men vs. women. If men are logical women must be illogical. Women use emotions, women are illogical therefore emotions are illogical. I may have only been half paying attention in class...therefore I may have a few details wrong, but I think you get the gist.
If this is true then we need help. If men see women as a source of some illogical, emotional hurricane then something must be done. I personally don't think that anyone would consider me to be illogical, at least I hope not. I know that at one point in my life they would have, but not recently. So I know that it is quite possible that a lot of girls are that way because I was once that way. (Don't get me wrong, I don't actually believe that guys are all that logical either...but I'm here to work on the girls).
The other night I was talking to a friend and she said that I was the kind of girl guys liked to hang out with. I'm laid back and something else...obviously I'm the kind of girl with a half-a memory as well. When she said this I wanted to help her out. I feel/hope that all girls can someday be the kind of girl that guys like to hang out with. When this is truly reached what we have is a girl comfortable with herself in any situation, even surrounded by a pool of potential eternal companions. When she is comfortable enough to kick it with the boys and be herself is when people begin to see how fantastic she is. This isn't a guarantee that she'll be beating off guys with a stick, but hopefully, there will be one guy who sits up and takes notice, and all you really need is one guy.
However, the most important thing is to do this for you, for your self-confidence, for your happiness. Don't follow these steps with the sole purpose of getting a guy. It will certainly back fire. This isn't a way to get a guy, this is a way to be yourself in any situation. In order to do that you must begin with step 1.
Step 1: The first and foremost thing you have to do is not to become emotionally invested right away. You're at the store, you're checking out the groceries before settling on just one. Imagine the heartache if you walked up to the first product you saw and said, "this is perfect I love it." You go and buy it, you put it in the car and think of all the wonderful possibles as you drive home. You bring it into the house and continue to admire it, wondering when the best time to open it will be. The more you admire the more anxious you become. You are emotionally vested in this one product, let's say, a box of cereal. You are so certain that this cereal is the one for you. Finally, you can't take it any longer. You grab the box and open it up, but in your haste the bag has ripped open and the cereal is all over the floor, ruined. You cry for days, no other box of cereal will do, you loved that last box and now it's all spoiled. You become plagued with "what-ifs" and wondering how you could have approached that situation differently.
Does this make sense? I use metaphors a lot because I have an easier way of expressing my words in metaphors, so I apologize if they don't make any sense to anyone but me.
Pretty much, you put everything you had into one thing, one person and you didn't even know enough about them, you certainly didn't know if they were interested in you in return. I'm not saying that you need to give up on finding love, I'm saying you need to tone it down a bit. Nothing scares away love more than the desperate desire to find it. It's like light to cockroaches...to some cockroaches - not those creepy ones that don't care so they'll keep coming at you anyway...but that's a different metaphor and a different breed of guy.
When you are focused on one thing then you may overlook something better. It may not seem better right away, but you have to remember, guys are just like girls in the respect that they are looking for someone too. They can make the same mistakes that we make. If you aren't dating a guy, haven't even gone on one date, don't you dare put everything you have into it. Because if it falls through, if he decides to go for someone else, it will hurt like a break-up when you weren't even dating.
If this is making sense then I will keep going with the steps. Now, they are in an order, however, some girls are beyond some steps and need to first overcome where they are, so while they are numbered, they don't have to go in order. If this is not making sense then this was just something to help me pass the morning away and I'll stop with the steps. Let me know.
3 comments:
this all makes sense to me! I'd like to hear more steps :) and I've heard the quote before but can't think of where it comes from.
Benny & Joon!
So, just to be clear. I was contesting the idea that men are logical and women are emotional when I said that emotions are inherently illogical. Both genders have a varying mix of emotional and logical tendencies, I for one tend to be highly emotional at times. Inherently illogical - e.g. kicking a wall after fouling out. Our emotions may not be the same most of the time, but both genders have a mixed bag of emotion and logic. Good post!
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