Monday, August 9, 2010
A little girl*
Just wanted to let everyone know that my boss had her baby! A little boy named Tyler (yes, I am aware that my post title is "a little girl" but it's the movie quote I thought of so it's the movie quote you get!)
So I went rock climbing again this weekend, we went to a different place this time, one that was all about rock climbing and had all different kinds of walls...and I feel more strongly than ever that I am scared to death of heights. I would scurry up the walls quickly and with relative ease but there would be moments when my hand didn't seem sure enough on a hold for me to move one of my legs and I would take a moment and think, "what the crap am I doing?!" But then I would change holds or find a way to have my hand more secure and then I would move my legs up and get closer to the top.
Each and every time at the top though I froze. I didn't mean to, I had every intention of being a big girl and letting go, but my legs didn't want to hang free and my hands seemed to tighten around whatever hold I had been holding. Jordan and Amber were with me and I could hear them from the depths below, "Let go of the the wall, Jessica!" I feel like if they could have shaken me from the wall with the rope that attached me to them they would have.
Right before I went up the last wall Jordan asked if I was really scared of heights. I told him that I think I might be because I get so scared and despite my intentions to let go of the wall so I can come down I keep wondering if I can get away with crawling back down. He told me that on the next wall I should look around when I am at the top, orient myself to it or something, and then do that as I go down the wall.
...So I tried that, yeah, no bueno...I think it made it worse. The last wall I did was the highest one (I don't know if it was the highest one there or the highest one I did). When I reached the top I tried Jordan's advice and looked around me...I saw the top of the last wall I climbed, and I don't mean the top as though the walls were equal in height, I mean the top where the dust collects and no one ever goes to because it's the flat top of the structure. I could hear Amber below telling me to let go of the wall and simultaneously I could see my knuckles turning white as I held on tighter. Breathe Jessica, just let go. I let my legs go, they dangled there but my hands wouldn't move. Finally, after Amber called out a few more times and I'm certain people were beginning to wonder if we had an emergency on our hands (a code yellow - as in chicken - as in, don't call me chicken* (ok not as in don't call me chicken but I wanted to throw that quote in there too)) I let my hands go and Amber began to bring me down. My hands, acting on their own volition would randomly reach out and hold on to the closest hold, then Amber would repeat for me to let go and I would for a second or two. Then I decided it was best to close my eyes, without the eyes cooperation the hands couldn't act on their own, they wouldn't know where to go. I made it to the bottom safely, happy about getting to the top of this wall, sad that I am a pansy.