I'd like to tell you that you smell of pee. You look like the wrong end of a dog.*

Something I learned this weekend is that Doritos burn pretty well. I think that if the end of the world came and we go out the route of ice, you should stock up on Doritos. They burn forever. It all started Saturday night, well, back that thing up...it start Thursday night. I was talking to Suds and he said that it was either nacho Doritos or cool ranch that burn a cool color if you set them on fire. I had wanted to go to the store right then and buy some Doritos, but it was late and I had to work in the morning.

So Saturday night I mention to Elaina what Suds told me about the Doritos, she so happened to have some Nacho Cheese ones in her cupboard and I so happened to have a box of matches....to the sink! Elaina lit the chip on fire and held it out over the sink, we waited, and waited, and waited some more but nothing cool happened. Defeated Elaina tossed the burning chip into the sink where it landed on a plate filled with water...and apparently grease from that morning's Pancake Breakfast. That's when the exciting thing happened. Alas, I only heard it, I had turned my back, but there was the roar of the fire, the curse escaping Elaina's lips and the absence of her arm hair. I imagine it looked just like in "A Civil Action" when the kids throw fire into the chemically infested river and it blows up. That's what happened in our kitchen sink.

Last night I snagged a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos from my class and brought them home. I was excited because since the Nacho Cheese were duds it was certainly the Cool Ranch that would provide the show. I waited til the Dorito's flaming* and then I set it in the sink (I didn't want to lose any arm hairs). The only thing spectacular was that the Dorito burned for forever. I finally put it out, but that's when I decided that I need to stock up on Doritos, it could very well save my life one day.