To my everlasting shame, I did.*

Blog Bucks: Congratulations to Murbatron, Isaac, and Ashely! Just as a note, the blog bucks from May 3rd are still available!

April was a rough month for book reading.  I just didn't have time or more so, motivation.  I made this rule for myself that I couldn't buy anymore books until I read three from my "to read" bookshelf (seriously, I have an actual shelf set aside for all of them).  So - you can see how well that is working out for me.  I need a good YA novel to get the ball rolling again.

January - 4

February - 3

March - 4

April - 2

Total =13

Yeah - I don't want to talk about it.

The 5 Love Language by Gary Chapman - I had heard about this book, recommended it to friends, taken the quiz, etc. but had actually never read it.  So it was good to finally have read (er..listened to - did I mention this month was audio books? That makes it even worse in my mind) it.  I'm not sure I'm altogether satisfied with my results - I'm kind of across the board with everything but "gifts".  I'd like to be more specialized.

A Heart Like His by Virginia H. Pearce - this was a good book about opening our hearts up to other people in the way of further developing charity and  serving others.  So it was a good book - but not what I was looking for at the time.  I guess I was looking for something more on opening our hearts up and forgiving others who have wrong us.  But I guess we can't always get exactly what we want.



I'm not a witch, I'm your wife!*

Yesterday was a fantastic day.  I got to church really early for an 11 o'clock meeting, only to find out that the meeting was at 11:30 but no one told me.  But it worked out well because I got to have a nice chat with Lady Em who I NEVER see anymore but apparently she reads the blog all the time so SHE feels like she sees ME.  Sometimes I forget that there are people who read but don't (or can't in Lady Em's case) comment.  I decided to give Lady Em the first paragraph of this post.  She is the one I went Letter Boxing with so very long ago and I hope that we'll go again soon.  If anyone in the area is interested in joining us - let me know.

I also bore my testimony at church yesterday.  At my church, the first Sunday of the month is set aside as "fast and testimony meeting".  Members fast that day and during Sacrament meeting, we have the opportunity to get up and bear our testimonies.  I was challenged last month to do it and I made the mistake of telling Orin, who, as soon as the opportunity to go up came, he started to hit me.  So I jumped up with no clue what I was going to say, just that I had to get up there.  Turns out Brother McLean doesn't even remember challenging me...I could have gotten away with it had I kept my mouth shut and not told my friends.  But it was good to finally do it again.

Last night we had waffles and the CES devotional.  After the devotional I had the chance to talk to Ashley.  I had been wanting to talk to her for almost a week, so it was good that she was there and that we had time to chat.  She is such a wonderful individual and in the words of my friend Arianne, "I care for her greatly".  So I wanted to dedicate the last paragraph to her. 

(and this isn't a paragraph - but I love these girls too - Happy Monday)

What if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today.*

Yesterday I finally went to the eye doctor.  Back in the fall I went but ended up with a prescription that was way off.  Needless to say, it was scary driving and I ended up popping the old ones back in.  In January, I got EyeMed to go along with my insurance, so I decided I'd go to some place fancier (i.e. Lens Crafters).

The facility was nice and they had some new tests I haven't seen before.  The color blind test was my favorite, though I think I failed on the last one.  You had to say what numbers you saw in the circles and I went through all of them and said, "the last one is very pretty, but I don't see anything."

They had me take my contacts out for the other tests and the actual exam, which means I was legally blind.  I went back to the examination room and the doctor came in and checked my eyes, he had me look at his right ear while he shined a light into my eye and then I looked at his left ear while he did the same to the other eye.  He asked me when I started to notice a difference in my eyesight.  I explained that my contacts were very old so it had been a while.  He went to his table and started to write stuff down and asked me when I started to notice a difference in my vision, so I guessed and told him a couple of months now.  He asked me what brand of contacts I had been using, I told him what brand I thought but couldn't really remember.  Then he said, "let's take a look at your eyes" and proceeded to shine the light in my eyes and tell me to look at his ears....for a moment I thought maybe the test would be different, but it ended up being the exact same one.  Then he asked me when I started to notice a difference in my vision and asked me what brand of contact I wore. 

I didn't really question why he asked so much because I figured he thought if he kept asking I would give a better answer.

Then he pulled out my contacts to take a look at them and asked how long I have been wearing contacts.  I said, "since I was 16" and he said, "oh, so you're a veteran?" and then he laughed.  I laughed too.  As he was looking closely at my contacts he said, "so  how long have you been wearing contacts?" I thought about it and said, "About 14 years" assuming he just didn't want to do the math. Then he said, "oh, so you're a veteran?" and then laughed the exact same laugh.  He put my contacts into another thing to look at them (I couldn't quite tell what he was doing because I am blind) and he said, "So how long have you been wearing contacts?" So I answered, "14 years" and I'm thinking really?? and he says (you guessed it), "Oh, so you're a veteran" and did the same laugh. Then he showed me what is happening with my eye (how it's shaped), he had me hold a lens up to my right eye so I could look through it and see the pictures he was showing me.  I wondered if he got a good laugh out of that because there I was with a little makeshift monocle.  He showed me how eyes are usually shaped like oranges but my right eye was egg shaped, and he pointed at the word beneath that picture and read it, "astigmatism".  Then he went back over to the table to write something down and said, "How long have you been wearing contacts." I couldn't help it, I laughed.  I think I was going crazy, getting paranoid.  I was wondering if there were cameras in the room that I couldn't see and I was on some TV show and they were waiting for me to crack.  They are thinking, "how polite can this girl really be?"  Was he aware that he was doing this, should I be concerned that he may have Alzheimer's or should I be concerned that this was his way of joking around with people? Was I being tested.  So I answered, "14 years" he said, "Oh, so your a veteran?" and LAUGHED THE EXACT SAME LAUGH.  I figured I could get away with laughing here so I did, this was nuts.  So I agreed and then I kept talking, because I don't know what I would do if he asked me that question again.  Then he asked if he had shown me what was going on with my eyes.  So he gave me the monocle and pulled out the picture and told me how eyes are shaped like oranges but my right eye is egg shaped, point to word and say, "Astigmatism". 

Then he told me to wait a minute while he checked something out and he left.  I don't know how long I was in there, but it didn't take long for me to start to worry that he had forgotten I was there.  I could hear a clock ticking but I couldn't see anything.  I finally grabbed my purse and my phone so I could know what time it was.  It had been at least 5 minutes and I waited another 4 and told myself that I would leave the room and seek help (blindly, I remind you).  Just as I was about to give up that he was coming back for me he came and took me to try on the new contacts. 

And then he left me there and his assistant got me ready to go.  So in truth, I never really saw the doctor, I mean that in the visual sense.  I have no clue what he looks like.

It was the weirdest visit I have ever been on.  I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry and run for the hills. 

After work - I went to the park to work on my talk for church.  I had my headphones in and was thinking about what to say when I noticed a guy was talking to me.  I pulled out the headphones and he said, "Are you writing me a love letter?"

Well, I never...I just laughed and said, "no".  Sorry if that seemed rude but it was honest and I didn't know how else to respond.  I told him I was preparing a talk and we talked a little about what it was for and where I went to church and then he wished me luck and left.

Hands down - yesterday was one of the weirdest days of my life.

Nothing but a glorified midget wrangler.*

Congratulations to Kat - she has secured her place for the time being - it will take a while to catch up with G-Sauce.

This weekend was absolutely fabulous.  I had two conferences, my very first writer's conference and stake conference.  Both were great but today I am going to talk about the writer's conference.

It was held down at the Richmond Library...downtown, the land of one way streets and minimal parking.  I'm happy to report that I was able to find a parking spot easily enough, I only got turned around once.  I'm getting better at this downtown thing (thank you Institute).  Once inside, they had clear directions on where to go, which I was grateful for.

I got there, signed in, made my name tag and found a seat and sat down.  I knew I would know a grand total of two people there and I'm pretty shy/reserved in new situations, so I just looked at my phone and waited for the people I knew.  Lana (the leader of my writing group and the author of Freakling) sat at the front because she was part of this meeting.  Melissa was late.  But the people who sat near me were really nice and the lady who sat directly beside me was telling me all about her adventures finding the place.  I liked her.  1) Because she had a fantastic story about trying to find the building, a story that beats any story I have of getting lost.  The woman ended up on some terrace where no one was really supposed to be and couldn't find her way down and finally spoke to a man on the sidewalk who helped her climb down from wherever in the Richmond Library she ended up.  That's impressive. 2) She called me legit when I said I wasn't legit.  She said I was there and I write, so I'm legit.  I'm legit folks, I'm not published but I am a writer.

The writing conference began with announcements and then a speaker.  She had us do this writing exercise where we imagine ourselves in our youth and we think of a time where we really could have used someone to help and understand.  Then she had us write down that age.  Then we closed our eyes and we spent some time with that person.  I picked 15 - but you know, I think I just put Past Jessica into age ranges.  The incredibly awkward, tweety bird t-shirt wearing stage vs. the sans-chocolate, get a job, join track team, lose weight, gain confidence stage.  So I addressed the girl who had dark, unruly hair, painted her nails black, had braces, glasses, and wore over sized  tweety bird shirts and baggy jeans.  Have you figured out why I picked her? Why I felt she could use someone?  So we closed our eyes and we spent time with the Past Selves. 

It.

Was.

Horrible.

Have I mentioned how incredibly awkward I was? I mean, Present Jessica has tried to eliminate all evidence from this stage in my life because I can't look at her, because at times I still feel like I am her.  So I had to take this time to remember what it felt like to be me during this time in my life. 

Then we opened our eyes and we wrote a letter to that past self we were just visiting.  For a moment I questioned if I was at a writer's conference or if I was in a group therapy session.  Either way - it was helpful.  So we wrote these letters, we took a break and then we got in to groups according to what age group we write to.  I of course went straight to the first "Young Adult" table I saw.  Melissa also writes young adult, so I was happy to have someone I knew at the table with me (Lana is middle grade and so was my new friend that first sat by me). 

The first thing we did was go around the table and tell a little about us and what we write.  Then we had the "opportunity" to read the letters we wrote.  Melissa was brave and volunteered to read hers.  I remember thinking, "maybe it's not so bad" ("it" being sharing).  I remember having the same thought when Melissa submitted some of her story to the writing group.  The facilitator would ask after a person shared if anyone else was interested and it made me laugh because reading was voluntary but I felt like it was going to keep going until we all read.  The woman who read before me addressed her letter to a different name because at that age, she had decided to be called something else.  I loved the tone in which she wrote, it was fun and honest.  Anyway, I've already had a spoiler because I said she read before me, so when the facilitator asked again I fought against my churning stomach and said, "Ok, I'll do it." Then I looked over at the woman who had read and said, "My name is Jessica and was always Jessica."  So I started, "Dear Jessica,"

Life sucks but it will get better.

Okay, that wasn't my letter, but my letter isn't here by my side and it said basically this.  It was hard to get through, revisiting pain that I had long forgotten because I have spent years knowing and understanding more than I knew at that time.  I still feel awkward from time to time (uh, waiting for a writing conference to begin), I still get my heart broken, tears still come and pains still sting.  We don't lose the ability to feel as we grow older, our hearts don't grow to steel (unless we want to deny the possibility for anything good to come in to them).  Growing up doesn't mean things get easier, if anything, growing up shows us that the past is trivial, the present is always the most demanding and the future is the most uncertain and scary.    That being said, I wrote to past Jessica and told her over and over that it would be ok.  Today it's a mountain, tomorrow it will be a molehill.

When I finished reading, I heard, that was beautiful; which one of us hasn't felt that way?; thanks for sharing, all over the sound of my racing heart.  I smiled and thanked everyone as I wiped my sweaty palms off on my jeans.  That was nerve racking. 

Then we wrote a response letter.  Past self responding to present self.  I thought the first assignment was hard.  How would I have responded to this letter?  Not only was it difficult to think how I would have responded, it was difficult to leave out what I already knew (that it would work out, that what I was dealing with was trivial).  So as much as I would have liked to respond with decorum, it was mostly whining, "This is trippy, getting a letter from some 30-year old version of myself, but honestly, you're full of it.  Who are you to tell me that it doesn't matter, it's my mountain and you've likely forgotten how hard this is.  It's easy for you to say, on the other side of things, that everything will be okay, but I've still got to live through it.  I haven't gotten there yet and getting there is the hard part."  Again - not exactly what I said.  When we went around to read our responses, I respectfully declined.

After the event, Melissa introduced me to several of the people that she had met previously.  I got business cards and got some advice for submitting my work.  Melissa and I agreed to go to some of the upcoming conferences where we will have the opportunity to talk to Agents and Editors, and another one where we will discuss social networking.  I'm doing this folks - I'm finally getting serious, not about writing - because I've been doing that, but about getting my stuff out there.

That being said - this morning I sent a sample of the story I am working on to Lana.  If no one else has submitted, then we should be critiquing mine next week....eek.

Darling, you're exposed!*

Congratulations to Murbatron for getting the last blog bucks!

 

Color Me Rad was last weekend.  This year I got Kat, Luke, and Dan to join me.


It was chilly, so we walked around checking things out beforehand.  They had free Zumba going down and picture opportunities for everyone.



There were almost 10,000 runners this time.  I have no idea how many people were there last year, but I feel like this was a big deal for them since they kept bringing it up. 

The race didn't seem as fun as last year and I don't know if it's because they had fewer volunteers to color us, a different course, or all the extra yellow dye (aka pollen - the slow and silent killer).  Don't get me wrong, it was still fun and I'm glad I got to run it with Kat. Besides, the really fun part is right after the race when you go crazy and color bomb your friends.



The official pace car



I knew I wanted to take my camera....really glad I had a case

Afterwards was breakfast at Boychiks. 



This picture should be at the top - but Blogger has this really annoying things about when you put a picture in the post and try to move it - yeah blogger....I hope you do read this.





Doing her best Left Eye (TLC)



And the beast was grateful!*

Congratulations to Kat for getting the blog bucks from the last post.  This actually bumped her up to 9th place!

Back in January, when a few of us went out for my birthday, Nickapedia and I decided to go to Pennsylvania some time to take a marshmallow tour.  So when we ended up grabbing dinner a few weeks ago he said we should just get in the car and go.  We looked up the factory to see what time their tours were and that's when we discovered that the marshmallow company that had the tours was gone.  They closed up shop some time in 2011 but had finally updated their website.  Nickapedia and I were heartbroken of course, we had wanted to know how marshmallows were made.  But then we decided to look up a recipe and try it out for ourselves.  We made a few stops along the way back to his house to get the supplies we needed and then we got to work.

We had to whip this for 15 minutes!

 It took FOREVER! Nickapedia, Christian, and I decided that the marshmallows had to be about 120 times better than regular marshmallows to entice us to make them again.  They had to sit overnight, so Sunday I went back and the boys tried to tell me that these were them...

 Nice try.

The visual comparison

They were still a little too moist so we left them a little longer.  Then, one night I was over there and we started a fire and roasted them.

They are definitely good - but they weird me out a little because I'm so used to other kinds of marshmallows.  They were very vanilla-y.  Despite the time it took and everything, I'm glad we did it.

I can't work under these conditions. It's unprofessional!*

Last week I went to Annapolis for training (work related).  I have to admit, I'm a little bit in love with Annapolis.  The training site was three miles from my hotel (my goodness - I stayed in a Westin...it was heavenly).  During our breaks and lunch we had the option of sitting outside - since the weather was gorgeous, I took that opportunity.

Even though it was work related training, it was a very relaxing two days.  Don't get me wrong, I was exhausted after training each day - but at least I had the comfy Westin to return to at night.  Well - I had it one night but it was nice.

Thursday afternoon, not so great.  Thought I'd stop by the temple, which was only 37 miles from where I was...it took me almost two hours to get there with the traffic and GPS bloopers.  Very frustrating.

But it was worth it.