Wednesday, December 9, 2009

She's a life ruiner, she ruins peoples lives!*

Miley Cyrus is hooker and she ruins families. My name is Jessica and this is my story:


It all started on Thursday when my boss sent out a reminder e-mail about the Angel Tree, the gifts were due back to the office on Friday. At the end of the e-mail this is what was said, "There are 5 angels remaining on the tree; it is not too late to pick up an angel if you still want to participate. If you’d like to participate but don’t have time to do the shopping, you can give the money to Jessica and we will purchase the gifts for your angel." Note the "we" - the "we" really means that Jessica (me) will do it.


Did I have time to do the shopping? No. But that's okay, fine, whatever.


So all 5 angels get taken once everyone knows that there are only 5 remaining. 4 of those 5 were brought to me. Before anyone had came I already decided I was giving myself the weekend to get these gifts to the office because first, I am the one taking them to the Angel Tree "headquarters", second - I didn't have any time on Thursday, or Friday to go and buy the gifts, third - there was no time during work on Thursday or Friday to go shopping and I wasn't giving up my lunch break...I love lunch.


My sister was going to be so kind as to help me shop for these little ones (I'm talking about the Angels here...not the people at work). For some to most of the gifts I needed to go to Wal-mart, I was working with limited budgets and one girl wanted Hannah Montana clothes. A quick google search led me to believe that Hannah Montana is no longer marketable, therefore she has been dropped as far as her face showing up on t-shirts and such. So the next thing is her alter ego...Or is Hannah the alter ego? Regardless...the closest option was Miley Cyrus (exclusively sold at Wal-Mart). My sister don't do Wal-mart, she's pregnant. People who are preggers shouldn't do Wal-mart - it's on the list of no-no's along with soft cheese, frozen yogurt, and alcohol.


So Saturday morning I woke up a little before 7 am, put on some clothes and pulled back my hair, I was going sans-shower to the Wal-Mart because it really doesn't matter there. I go to get the Miley clothes only to discover my worst nightmare...she's a ho and she wants all the little girls to dress like hos as well. I find what I think is a cute purple shirt, some black pants that do not have holes in them (not easy in that part of the store) and then I pick out two other shirts. I buy the rest of the things that I can and then head over to my parent's to meet my sister.


No one is there...so I wait. Finally, Joanna shows up and I show her the stuff I got and she doesn't seem to like any of it. I show her the clothes and that's when I realized that what I thought was a cute purple shirt is two purple shirts (they were so thin I didn't even realize that I had grabbed two) and they are see through. My sister says something about them being skank clothes and of course I agree, but I have been up since 7 and been shopping at Wal-mart. Let the games begin...

Ding! Ding! In this corner we have Joanna, the hormotional preggers woman with an 96% susceptibility to Hallmark commercials. Annnnnnd in this corner we have Jessica, who had the worst week of her life and had to go shopping for work.

It wasn't that we were mad at each other, it wasn't even that we were mad at first. But soon we were both in different rooms...mad. My brother-in-law thought that he might be able to fix things (as guys so often think they can) and attempted to call me into the same room with my sister. I wouldn't budge (I can be quite a brat when I am upset - plus, I knew I needed to say sorry and if I tried at that time it would come out rude, said like a resentful child or, "I'm sorry you misunderstood." Yeah, that's not cool). When I finally came out I glared at him, I needed him to know that you should never try to come between two sisters who are in a "fight", then I returned to the other room. In due time I went and sat close to my sister, I'm pretty sure I apologized and all is well. I talked to Ben about it later and he said something about the look I had given him, how it made him want to cry. I asked him how often he had seen that look in the time he had known me (probably about 10 years) and he admitted that it was the first time. So...not so bad.

My sister and I were able to put it past us, I believe because we have stronger than the average family bonds, that and when you stop to think about it we both agreed we just fought as though we disagreed.

Overly dramatic take home message: My family almost fell apart last week...all because of Miley Cyrus.

9 comments:

Katie H said...

I agree. Miley Cyrus is the devil.

Sarie Lou said...

Mean Girls! Said by Janis Ian :)

Sarie Lou said...

For my wedding, my bridesmaids all got matching Miley leggings to wear under their dresses since it was freezing and the Miley ones were cheaper than any others. My sister took great offense to wearing said leggings and told me she would burn them after the day because Miley was an unacceptable role model. Well played ;)

Cassie said...

I for one am sooo glad that my lil' gal likes Taylor Swift, not H.annah M.ontana, or as we call her H.OoCHie M.aMa. Really we shorten it around H.M. around the kid.

Glad two for the fact that the last time I was preggers, me and my sister didn't get into it like that, finally broke that trend. Isn't funny how the boys always think they can fix it.

C$ said...

I love this post. I loathe Miley Cyrus. She really is the devil.

Joanna and Ben said...

I love you Jess. We both know it wasn't each other we were mad at..and I cried because I hate fighting with you. Love you little sis!

G Sauce said...

I am missing something! I myself do not like Hannah Montana and I like a song here or there of Miley but did she do something? I guess I don't pay enough attention.

Aunt_B said...

Both Miley and Hannah make me want to punch puppies! I substituted "puppies" for "babies" in the event that your preggo sis reads this and gets her feelings hurt...I remember being preggo and it doesn't take much to get the tears flowing. I once cried because first I couldn't get my loafer on my foot and then again when I couldn't get it off. I'm sure I had a reason for my comment but now I lost it...

Martha said...

That skanky ho! Ruining families and such.

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