I just stapled my sweater. There's a reason, though I don't know if it's considered a good one. I woke up late this morning (not my reason), I mean "work starts at 8:30 and it's 8:55" late. So I grabbed a skirt and a sweater and got dressed as quickly as my groggy mind would allow. I called the boss and the coworker to let them know I'm a horrible person and headed into work. Luckily I live 10 minutes from work so no big deal. I get to work, jump right in, want to sit at my desk and cry because for some reason I am hating this time of year right now. Then I go to the first floor to go to the bathroom because the first floor bathroom is usually unoccupied and I don't like to run into a lot of employees when I rolled out of bed (this happens from time to time). I looked in the mirror for the first time because I feel I should start looking decent some time today. That's when I noticed the hole in my sweater, up by the neck. It's a turtleneck so I attempt to cover it with all that extra fabric but the fabric won't stay, as though my sweater is trying to embarrass me. Someone comes into the bathroom so I head upstairs and try to fix it in the third floor bathroom. It's not going to work. I note the time and when I'll be able to go home for lunch and attempt to sew the hole shut. I figured if I just stay at my desk it won't bother me, but I figured wrong. My fingers kept going to it, imagining the hole a lot bigger than it was and I tried to think what I could use in the meantime.
I stared at paperclips, wishing they would magically change into safety pins, but alas, they never did. I tried to tuck the lips of the hole under each other, but they wouldn't stick. So in a moment where I was clenching the sweater with my fingertips, willing them to merge back together I looked upon my stapler and a thought occurred to me. I grabbed the stapler and tried to stick the bulk of it down my neck so that the fabric would be between it, but the sweater was too thick and how do you play that one off should someone walk by? Finally I squeezed the fabric and fed it through the stapler until I was certain it was in there and then I stapled it. One staple. I used the turtle neck part to cover up the staple, which happens to catch the fabric nicely and keep it in place (I don't really know because I haven't looked at it, but in my mind this is working out perfectly). I think it will hold until lunch.