No, no, you've always had that wrong, I really am that shallow.*

This is a tale of insect verses beast.


The insect
Orgins: unknown
Scientific Name: Unknown
Color: Unknown
Fighting Capabilities: Nasty sting or bite...realtively...unknown


I think you get the idea. No real known details about the bug, but the victim, my darling baby...Chubbs. I woke up early Saturday morning (and by early I mean 8 a.m. which is early for some, sleeping in for others, as for me - the jury is still out). It was my attempt to be productive. After realizing that "going running" ran right off my agenda I decided that taking my dog for a walk would be an admirable substitute, I mean after all, I would be spending quality time with my child. So I wiggled into my workout clothes that are ever getting tighter and grabbed the lease. Chubbs just sat down by my bed as if to say, "Look at me mom, I can't go outside like this." So I did, I looked at him and I can't lie, I was slightly frightened at first. From a distance it looked as though he had lost his eye! So I made myself take a few steps closer and that's when I realized that his eye was still intact but half of his face looked a little puffy. So I did what any good mother would do, I poked him several times to see if it was hurting him. With no apparent response I called my sister, Kathryn.


Then Chubbs and I took a little ride to visit G-ma Kathryn and she took a look at his face and confirmed that it was not a trick of my eye (or his for this matter) but that his face was indeed swollen. So I called the vet and got him an appointment. We arrived a few minutes early and the girl at the desk turned on the baby talk and told him how pitiful he looked (as if he needed a swollen face to look pitiful...you've seen my dog right? He was born with a depressed expression, should have named his Eeyore).


So we are taken to the back and we wait. Then his new best friend Michael comes in (P.S. Michael looks possibly 15, but kids on farms deal with animals all the time and practically specialists by the time they reach 15...but I think Michael might be in college, not sure, point being my first thought was, "You're not the vet are you?" anyway...) and takes his temperature. Chubbs was a bit weirded out about that and kept trying to spin around to see what Michael was up to, for a moment it was like he was chasing his tail but then we got him to sit still. Doctor comes in looks at his face and says, "Yup, probably bit by a bug, we'll give him a shot." Then Doc mentions that he was the one who did his tail (chopped it off). Turns out Chubbs was Puppy Number 7, at least for tail docking, my sister reminded me that he was Puppy number 2 when it comes to birth order. Anyway long story cut short, we got him his shot, got him updated and came home where he slept most of the day and then ended up waking me up several times during the night. And of course, just like a good mom, I took a picture of my child in a moment of distress.

They're all gonna laugh at you!* (20 points because it's not from a movie)

I'm expendable. I'm the guy in the episode who dies to prove how serious the situation is*

I'm a cutter...A hair cutter. I have a problem. It used to be that when I got bored I would rearrange my room, in the old house this worked...not so much where I live now and with the furniture I have acquired. But even before then I switched to hair dying. Well, it would flop between dye my hair or rearrange my room, whatever I felt up to. Using physical strength or just sitting around letting the change occur chemically. Then I flopped between hair dying and hair cutting (this started in college). Lately I haven't wanted to change the color of my hair, and I find that cutting is easy to hide if it turns out poorly. So the other night I got bored...and I cut my hair. I wanted people to notice, cause not a lot of people could tell last time. So I just chopped off a bunch to begin with and then worked on evening it out. You can tell now, but I've also worn it up for the past two days. So today I decided to do my hair and take a picture no matter how hideous it looks. And here is what we have:

I still don't really know how I feel about it.

I have no response to that*

I've been a horrid blogger as of late, I know, I am well aware of the disappointment I have been. I realize that with 20 Followers (I have to keep throwing it out there cause in blognation it's my main source of self esteem) I should be more attentive to my blog. I should write about the crazy things going on in my life and the not so crazy things.

But you see here's the thing, work is a beast right now. When I get home the last thing I want to do is write. I want to eat my dinner vegged out in front of whatever Netflix delivered that day. Or I want to get crazy and mow the lawn after a three week break. I still haven't even posted the pictures from the No Doubt concert.

So...I am going to try and be better at this. That being said, here's my weekend.

Friday night we had a Very Unmerry Birthday Tea Party for my roommate's birthday (but you see her birthday isn't until this coming Sunday, but a lot of people left the country this week...infidels...not really). I just so happen to know a lot of people who've gotta get out of the country for a few weeks, nothing wrong with that. So Thursday and Friday after work time was spent making cookies, cleaning, etc. The party was fun, but I have to sheepishly admit that I was not actually upstairs for most of it, I was down in my room talking to Bryan over IM. But there were enough people so I wasn't a horrible roommate and left my roommate all alone. She was surrounded by friends. When I went upstairs Jordan wanted to play Catan, so we played a pretty quick game (that game doesn't usually go so fast). And then off to bed.

Saturday I woke up at 6:30 in the a.m. Not so bad Monday - Friday...but Saturday!? But I had to. We had a temple trip down to Raleigh. Pictures below:
Look what I found!

Then Saturday night I just hung out in my room as happy as a clam to not have anything to do.

Sunday was Father's Day and we had a cookout at Kathryn's. I would have taken pictures but at the time I thought my I lost my camera. I looked through my purse about 3-4 times before leaving the house thinking maybe I had overlooked it. I looked under the bed, on the couch, behind the nightstand. Nothing. So Sunday went without photos and then on the drive home I reached into my purse to get something and what do you know, there's my camera! And that gives you an idea how out of it I have been lately. I must have looked right at it every time and just not realized, I even handled it a few times because at least two times I unpacked the purse completely in search for the camera. Oh brother...can't wait until things calm down.

I'm not going to waste my time arguing with a man who's lining up to be a hot lunch.*

*Playing Rocky Theme Music*

Meet Franco...he's an American Squirrel Gladiator. He excels in paw to paw combat and is known to have a mean buck tooth bite. Best known for his speed and agility, Franco has come head to head against some of the greatest Squirrel Contenders of his time, such as Cuckslot Anuts, Awal Nut, and even The Flying Torpedo.

Franco is about to meet Chubbers Horatio Umberto Bell. He may not be a gladiator, but he can climb his ten foot kennel wall to freedom and he's a 2 time champion of the National Canine Jumper Competition. Trained to attack hair dryers and bark at storm doors opening Chubbers is best known for shaking his nub and seeing eye to eye to people (literally). His M.O.? Taking one of his K-9 teeth and surgically slicing his opponents down the middle to remove their inner squeaker. Rare contenders have survived a head-to-head.

Who will win in this epic battle?

It's beast against slightly smaller beast!

Sadly there are no more photos of the fight. Just know that it was not, I repeat not, a battle to the death as originally anticipated. Both are still living, though Franco is slightly beaten. Since then the two have overcome their differences and Franco is often seen taking a ride between the friendly fangs of Chubbers. All in all...The "Good Purchase" award goes to Chubbers' Mom (ahem...that's me).

Ring, ring! Who's there? Destiny? I've been expecting your call. * (15 points for sheer awesomeness)

I told myself a long time ago that I would post a special post when I reached 20 followers. Today is that day folks, a day I've waited for since I hit 12 followers. It's been a long wait, but it certainly has been worth it.

Actually I have no idea how long it has been since I told myself I would write when I hit 20. I honestly expected it to take just a little longer, but we're here. The next milestone will just be 25 cause I don't expect to just blossom all of a sudden. Though I love the fact that 4 of my followers are people I have never met in real life. I read their blogs...but I don't really know them. I appreciate them greatly. In fact I think my only avid reader/commenter is Sarie Lou. That's right, you get a shout out.

I would also like to thank my friends and family who comprise the remaining 16 followers. Without your support I would have never had the motivation to continue writing. And to number 20, Natalie, thanks for helping the dream to finally come true. I wanted to be generous and give everyone 20 Blog Bucks just for following (the twenty being because 20 followers). But that would break the BBB (Blog Bucks Bank), so rather it's going to be like a mail in rebate. You leave a comment and I'll give you 20 BBs. If all 20 followers comment, I'll give everyone another 10 (as you can imagine I don't expect all 20 to leave a comment...muhahaha).

Now I have to start thinking of what I will do when I hit 25.

I sathid the thong is pretty popular.* (said with a lisp which is why "said" is spelled funny)

I don't really forsee blogging anytime soon. Maybe tonight, but that is a big maybe, so I thought I would give you all a chance to earn some blog bucks. And maybe if you guys like it we could do this like once a month, just to get people racking their brains and watching more of the "good" movies. And by that I mean movies that I rather enjoy quoting and I feel people should watch.


So here are the rules on how this will work. Some people will be able to guess most if not all because they watch the same movies I have. This is fair and yet not fair. I want everyone to have a chance, so please, limit yourself to answering two of them, if within a week there are some remaining, then you are free to take a stab at them and earn some more blog bucks. In future posts I may quote from movies I have already quoted from (cause that's how I roll).


And here we go*(only five points and if you understand then you know why):


10-pointers

1. She was given to fits of semi-precious metaphors (Murbatron 10pts)
2. What is this a school for ants?! (Sarie Lou 10pts)
3. Look! I have one job on this lousy ship, it's stupid, but I'm gonna do it! Okay? (Joanna 10pts)

20-pointers

1. Having a kid is great...as long as his eyes are closed and he's not moving or talking(Sarie Lou 20 pts)
   
2. Wait, before you go on there is something I must tell you, I too am reading the dictionary. (Joanna 20 pts)


3. I just want you to feel you're doing well. I hate for people to die embarrassed.(Rub 20 pts)

Okay, that is it for now. Though I could just keep going because this is just something I love so much.

My First Day as a Woman and I'm Already Having Hot Flashes*

So I gave up sugar...again. Those of you who know me know that I have the dreaded sweet tooth. I eat sugar just to eat sugar most of the time because somehow my body equates sugar to the only viable source of energy.
With the help of a good support group (A.K.A. the Sugar-Busters blog) I think that this time will be a little easier. Granted it has only been a day, and I had my near slips and heartaches, but I passed. Not only did I pass but even in the face of candy-cane Hershey kisses (yes, I hoard certain holiday candy for months!) whispering sweet, sweet nothings to me, I passed. I almost grabbed one, just out of habit, but I stopped myself centimeters from destruction. Then while I was cleaning my room last night I grabbed the bowl with five or six kisses in it and flipped it over into the trash can, their aluminum wrappers scrapping the sides of the plastic trash bag as though crying out in agonized protest. No one dumps holiday candy...it's like the geek in school dumping the most popular girl (which that union only happens in movies anyway, but if a geek should get the popular girl that relationship would have to be pried from his cold, dead hands). I'm just saying...
So - on with day two.

Because, you know, it seems to me that, I mean, except for being a little mentally ill, she's pretty normal.*

I took over 300 photos while in Utah. Thank goodness for digital cameras, that would have been pretty pricey with the old 35 mm right? Right. Pretty much what I am saying is that you are going to get a slide show presentation of all the pictures. View at your leisure.

The trip itself was very good (300+ pictures good). I guess the saying, "A picture is worth a thousand words" will have to do here. The week in Utah will just be translated into a viewable blog. Sorry, no music, I mean there is the option, but none of the songs seemed to fit but if you want you can sing a little ditty about Jack and Diane*. Well, th-th-th-that's all folks.* Wow...system overload...I should never blog this late at night.

Hello, little buddy! Who's your favorite possum?*

Today's title is worth 20 points cause it's a hard one.

Sorry that I have been AWOL. I have been back in Virginia since Tuesday night, then Wednesday I went to D.C. (another picture-less adventure up north - le sigh). Yesterday I returned to work and found that I had a lot of work to do! Who would have thought, take a week off and come back to a lot of work...odd, I know.

For some reason the last thing I wanted or needed to do when I got home was to write in my blog. So I apologize for my lack of attentions.

I wanted to write yesterday actually, to be honest I felt like I should start writing or I would have a mega entry one day. Either that or you would just never hear about how my trip went. But something happened yesterday that causes me to forget everything else.

Yesterday was curbside recycling day. So...going with tradition, I began to take our recycling...to the curb. We have three things that hold our recycling, the bin the recycling people gave us, a laundry basket, and a pink storage tub. The first two have holes to release rain water and other fluids that find their way in, the third had no such ventilation. Since I have been home it has been raining the whole time, and from my understanding, it's been raining a lot here in the past week - so pink tub has a lot of water. I looked down into it's chasm and amongst the recycling debris I see what appears to be a tiny mouth. I have been traveling the past two days, my mind is not whole and firm, it couldn't possibly be a little mouth. I blink, I shake my head slightly, and I look again. Now there is a little mouth, a little nose, and a whole lot more to go with it. I have never really seen a possum that close before, but my mind registers that it is a possum. I shudder, take the two recycling receptacles to the curb and drive away from the pink tub, feeling slightly scarred.

I pondered my particular circumstances while I was at work. I have done the right thing leaving the tub where it was. It wouldn't have been kosher to have placed the tub with a floating, dead possum inside it on the curb. Death by storage tub...how depressing. I contemplated further on how I was going to dispose of this particular body. On my lunch break I checked in with the deceased - still there. I thought about maybe draining some of the water but found that I couldn't even bring myself to touch the edge of the tub. If it had been a smaller animal, like a bird or a mouse, I think I could have done it. But this was like a house cat...I realized quickly that I was going to have to call in reinforcements. I text my friend, Jim:

Me: How much experience do you have disposing of dead bodies? - Sadly serious
Jim: Too much. Why?
Me: I have a suicidal possum who decided to end it all in our recycling tub full of water. If this isn't your thing I understand...oh and we can only pay in baked goods.
Jim: No problem. I'll make it into sausage for you.

Yeah, I threw up in my mouth a little*. But Jim followed through, he came over last night and we bagged the body. I won't go into detail of what it was like, I can't offer great detail anyway, once he had the gloves on and the sticks ready I opened the garbage bag up wide and closed my eyes tight. I also held my breath. I found out last night that Jim wasn't kidding when he said "Too much". He's dealt with dead possums before.

After Jim left my roommate (just one), Anne, and I discuss what could have happened to the possum. First theory of course was that it was trying to get into our trash can and lost it's footing on the slippery terrain due to all the rain, hit his head on the way down and drowned. (I feel like I am rhyming, some sick, morbid Dr. Seuss bedtime story here). Then we decided his stench wasn't the only thing that was foul. Anne felt that someone might have injected him with an air bubble, but the autopsy report stated that there was water in the lungs, signifying drowning. Someone must have come up from behind, knocked him on the head and let his unconscious body fill with dirty rain water. It was only a partial drowning though, as a bullet hole was later discovered. This possum must have messed with the wrong people possums. It's a cold, cruel world out there - watch your back.