You want your son to love you? Don't break the law! *

This past Saturday was the annual Autism 5k. Kathryn and I have run it so many years now that I feel like we've run all of them (8 now) but that's probably not true. It's just tradition now. Kathryn has always wanted to finish in under half an hour. She's made it, I have not. 26 minutes for Kathryn....31 for me. So close, closer every time really...so maybe next time! Hey, my personal goal was to finish it between 30-45 minutes. Yeah, you never know when you need that 15 minute cushion, okay...so I don't set strict goals for myself.

Also, I blame the people at the water station, who when asked three times by the guy in front of me what the mile marker was for where we were they said, "1 mile" and my thought was, "that was one mile? I'm dead." I realized later, after all hope had drained from me, that they meant one mile left. If I had known that I might have been able to make it in under thirty minutes. But really, I can't blame other people for my lack of motivation.

After I finished (and fought the strange feeling of vomiting and passing out at the same time) we waited for my friend Rosa. The Chick-Fil-A cow was there. He's there every year, I don't know why I don't remember to bring my camera, something about it being easier to leave it in the car or something like that. Well, the cow comes RIGHT OVER to where we are standing. He is within arms length and as he watches the runners come down to the finish line I reach out my hand slowly, cautiously, and I touch his back. It was like being with a celebrity and I couldn't help myself. He was so soft.

Then some Old Navy people came up and asked me if I was wearing Old Navy (reference pictures below and see if you can answer that question). Then they told us they were giving away flip flops in all the pretty colors...black, white, and brown - something tells me they used sarcasm with me. But free is free and despite the fact that I don't wear flip flops, I grabbed a pair.

Then it was off to breakfast! Ring in the return of the camera and now there are pictures:

I like to be the center of attention. In this trio, I came in last...but that's okay.

I was showing Kathryn what happens to people who don't work as a team. When you look out for number one and leave your sister in the dust...even though her legs are your whole height and she should be able to keep up...but she is weak. She = me...sadly...so sadly.

But 31 minutes is good, and I'm shaving off 20 seconds because I didn't start at the start line and with this 5k they don't time you individually, you see the clock at the finish line and the clock started when the race for everyone started. So even though you don't cross the start line at the same time, you all are being timed with one clock...does that make any sense?

Whoa! How long has THAT been there?*

Meet my friend, Ben.

I enjoyed his artwork so much it's up in my workstation...at work

Ben wants to be an engineer, so he studies math ALL THE TIME, and tries to apply it to his life. The other day he brought me lunch of Hardee's chicken and Krispy Kremes (eerie how well he knows my taste bud's desires). He bought the mini krispee kremes, I have always wanted one but never bought them. I love miniature food. Ben decided that a mini was 1/8 of a regular donut...well I'll be, the regular donuts must be HUGE! He stood by it though, even though it is unrealistic. He decided (since he loves math so much...though it's questionable how good he is at it) to write up the formula to make Jessica happy. Here it is folks...

That's right. Jessica + a 1/8 of a doughnut (also known as a mini doughnut) = Happy Vampire Jessica.

It morphed. As I watched him draw it I actually thought he was drawing my over extended jaw filling up with water...but then I noticed those little teeth at the top. What are those for?? I could barely speak I was laughing so hard. Apparently those are my gums and I have turned into John Cleese.

...I suppose it could be worse.


In the end he wrote up the most complex of all formulas...I still don't see how it is mathematically sound...but what do I know?



Napkin drawings + Vampire Jess = 1/8 doughnut squared divided by Ben (note to reader, it was(-) Subtract Ben...but I pointed out how this was actually an insult to himself).


Take home lesson: Mini doughnuts turn you into a vampire, consumers beware.

Vampire wouldn't tell, Cyborg wouldn't know.*

Interesting encounter - I was just telling one of the employees that we have a change of address form on the P:/drive. As I said, "P" his eyebrows shot up and his eyes widened. I ignored it and kept talking for several reasons. One - I do not know this employee very well, I don't know if he was about to make a joke or if this was a facial tic. Two - It would be awkward to assume he is about to make a joke when he is not. Three - while interesting as it may be to see a grown man react that way to the letter "P" I'd rather not know what brought on the expression. Four - it could all be in my head. Either way, it makes me think of Chandler Bing in one of the few Friends scenes I know...he is on a job interview and the interviewer keeps saying "do", "duties", etc. and Chandler is trying hard not to laugh. I think what got him was when the guy said, "What we do do." *SIGH* still makes me laugh.



I am going to follow in the tradition of my sister (who gives nicknames to almost everyone at the office across the way from her) and I am going to dub this man, Chandler Bing.

They look nothing alike...sad.

The bone protrusion through the skin - that's not a good sign.*

I've been so lazy about writing up my trip to Ohio that I have neglected the rest of my life. I mean, I lived it, but I haven't written about it. So without further adieu here is a quick glimpse of some of my other adventures over the past month of so.

The Nate Pinata
It all started when Elaina came home from a camping trip with a pinata in hand.

Me: Where'd you get the pinata
Elaina: I found it in the woods.
Me: (Thinking about it cause this could happen) ...Really? So you just brought it home. It could have bugs in it.
Elaina: (No doubt thinking...'I have the world's dumbest roommate'). No, I picked it up at the store on the way home from camping.


From there she glued a picture of our friend Nate on there for his birthday party...cause you know, on your birthday you should give all your friends the opportunity to hit your face with a stick. Elaina and I had a bit more fun with it.

I didn't make it to the party, so I can't say what happened to the Nate Pinata...but I can make some assumptions as to its fate.

Hungry Service Men

One Sunday, my nephew, Jacob, came up to show me the cool action figures he got. There were policemen, firemen, and army men. He stood them all up in front of me at the dinner table and then left. I couldn't resist the urge to make a scene...or two...or consumed the dinner table with my new found obsession.

I don't know why the policemen always have to be fighting.

The firemen have to get the water from somewhere! Just never thought it would be the pitcher at the dinner table. Don't worry, everyone was done eating by this point.

We left everyone in their positions until my nephew came back in...

I think he liked them. I think the arguing policemen and the firemen trying to get the water were my favorite. ...I feel to say that is like boasting in what an incredibly awesome aunt I am...but I am not, I mean, I hear I am one awesome aunt...that's for sure, but I don't say it of myself...others say it of me.

Forrest

If you know Forrest then I have already said enough. Forrest cracks me up because he fixates on a story and you can interrupt him til the end of time, once there's a moment of silence he jumps right back to where he left off.

Last week after Institute a group of us went out to eat. I was able to snap a picture of him in the middle of a story. ...He gets really in to his stories. He was standing up at first, I think, there was so much time between the beginning and the end. Then Ben got up and left and Forrest sat down next to Amelia...she looks frightened.

Either way, it was a lot of fun and I couldn't stop laughing.

This past Saturday the family did the usual Target trip. I must preface what I am about to tell you with the fact that I like penguins. It's like with the monkeys, I don't know how it started, I just realized one day I had this obsession...as I looked at the penguin clipped to my board at work, my penguin candy dish I use in the winter (but candy or no candy is always on my desk), the penguin salt and pepper shakers, the penguin plates, the penguin bank...and now, the newest and strangest edition....the penguin onesie.

Yup...I bought a piece of baby clothing. Yet, I don't have a baby...and I'm not even married. WHO DOES THAT?! Well...I mean, I know one person who does, but I won't name her...ahem...that's a link. No...you can't get the name out of me. This must be residual, I must have picked this up from her when we were roommates. But...but...it was only $3...and it's a penguin.

~*~*~*~

Monday night I decided that I would treat myself to some rootbeer. We had a Joe Verses the Volcano party forever and a day ago and apparently had never touched the rootbeer. It was unopened and it was mine. I love rootbeer, but I don't let myself drink soda very often. So last night with dinner I went to pull out the rootbeer, precariously perched behind the mayonnaise. Before I knew it several objects were flying out of the refrigerator towards me. For some stupid reason I put my foot out to soften the blow for the mayonnaise...I am too kind, no really, I am. The full force hit my foot. In immense pain I hobbled over to the counter, got out a cup, and poured myself some rootbeer (priorities people!) then I hobbled to my room and imagined what kind of bruise I would get there. Since it is the foot I broke playing hockey in college, I wondered if it might be more easily broken the next time. Stupid girl, stupid mayonnaise, but not stupid rootbeer. It still hurts, but I don't think it's broken.

After I recovered I whipped out the hair color and dyed my hair...can you even tell?


Oh, and for those just noticing (for whatever reason), I did cut my hair about a week and half ago.

That is all.

In this family, the man with half a brain is king.*

This past weekend was Kathryn's birthday celebration. Friday was the actual anniversary of her birth. The people at her work put up a vexing paper balloon (there were real balloons on her desk but this paper balloon seemed to bother her). It was just on the front door, but she kept taking it down. At one point we left the office together and I snuck it back on there without her noticing (the joys of long arms). Then we got the idea to put it up high...you know, cause she's short. That didn't stop her from tyring.

Ever the dutiful sister...I took a video.

The best part is, she keeps stopping because she thinks she sees someone coming, so she doesn't want them to see her jumping and think she is weird. Rather she stands like a creeper in front of the door...that's better.



Saturday we celebrated the birthday with dinner and cake.



As you know, in our family no Birthday cake gets by with just "Happy Birthday." This year I went with "Fragoosh." Something my big brother, Matt, said one of the times we were out in Utah and Kathryn really picked up on it. When I mentioned it to Joanna she said, "Do you think she'll remember it?" Kathryn had been saying it lately, which is why it came to mind...but then during dinner she said it. It was perfect, and Joanna and I got a laugh out of it. Yeah...I think she remembers it.

Jacob was excited to blow the candles out so Kathryn let him (I think she let him) and so we re-lit the candles and she got to blow them out this time.

Kathryn's face upon seeing "Fragoosh"...okay, okay, so this is the second try, camera didn't go off right the first time.

We all chipped in and got Kathryn an iPod Nano for her birthday. She has wanted an iPod for a while but just hasn't gotten around to getting herself one. That's okay, because it makes for an awesome birthday gift.

Happy Birthday Kathryn (Frieda!)

"I'll be the victim!", "All of your life."*

Something is wrong, I have been very antsy lately.


A few weeks ago everyone at church kept commenting on how something was different about me...but I hadn't changed anything. I mean, I was putting on the smile more, but that was it. I guess a smile does a lot though. Since then a lot has changed. I chopped off my hair one day because I was fed up with life and needed a change. Now I am going to dye my hair. I have few options left for the "need a change" feeling that comes on. I can rearrange my room (which I won't cause it works well the way it is), I can buy some new clothes (which technically I have done more in the past month then I did all last year)...uh...crap...out of ideas. Once I dye my hair what is left? What will I do? I've been thinking about it, I would like to do free things (like rearranging the room or chopping off my hair) but some of this will cost money.

• I could channel my angst into painting my bathroom (finally)


• I could pick up a hobby (any advice for a non-musical, no dancey, unhandy, no bueno crafty, individual?)


• I could throw myself into working out, cause what's the harm in doing THAT? Ouch, I almost hurt my head throwing it back so quickly to laugh in derisive amusement, like I could ever throw myself into working out a lot. ...I'd rather shave my head...then paint it.


• I could finally read the 58 books on my bookshelf that are screaming to be read already...but last night I picked about four of them up and could only read a few pages before deciding to just go to bed early.

I need help folks. What do you guys do when you are in a funk and need a change?

With my Wilderness Explorer GPS, we'll never be lost! *

Last Day: The Pig Out

Okay, so we over ate every day, but I just felt like it was more so on the last day. I don't know, maybe I am wrong. We started our day at a place called The Red Squirrel. That's what we call a tip off, a red flag, sirens wailing in the night like a fire engine headed towards a building that has no fire.*
I don't even remember what I ate at this point. I think it was a burger and fries, which started out well enough, but by the end my stomach was screaming, "no beuno!" I think some other people will agree. The thing I do remember is the rudeness and daftness of the waitress. You can't forget things like that, they stand out like your middle school bully. She was speaking loudly, only a few feet away, about how she had wanted to go home early, but I guess with our arrival her hopes and dreams were dashed.

I love Kenny's pose here, I can't decide if he planned it that way or not.

This is a personal favorite as well.

I think the best part was that Tami got up and I scooted to her seat to talk to Gavinn. The waitress came up and thought I was Tami. I don't know, maybe we look alike, brown hair, brown eyes, you know those people all look the same to me.

After we recovered from lunch we headed to Kentucky to hit the gap outlet. We left some of the kids at Cassie's and brought the others with us. I bought a $10 pair of jeans and I haven't noticed what the defect is yet. Gavinn and Danton were beat on the way home...I think Gavinn's face showed it the most.

After that we went to Applebees (I think). Jer is our new best friend, he fit right into the Teen Girl Squad After dinner I ran to the store and got some Tylonal sinus cause I felt something coming on. I took a P.M. one because honestly they don't really have an affect on me. I was wrong this time and the partying soon came to an end for me, right in the middle of the floor. I got a few pictures in of the babies...but I don't really remember the rest (sorry guys)

I got up bright and early the next day and headed back to Virginia. I don't drive well at night and I wanted to drive while well rested. The trip back was mostly uneventful. I just plugged in Maggie (my GPS BFF) and headed out. It was the Beltway that got us not being too happy with each other. At one point Maggie told me to take an exit, and I took it, but then she told me to stay to the left, which I did...which put me back on the beltway. Okay...I'll let that one go, I don't know what you've been smoking Maggie, but I'll let it go. Immediately after she does the same thing. Now I was perturbed. After she brought me right back to the beltway I yelled at her, then she tried it again. I continued to scold her and refused to listen to her. I told her not to talk to me until she was ready to take me off of the beltway for good! I was frustrating, of all places to do that, the capital beltway on any day is not a good idea. I am happy to report though that Maggie and I are getting along well.

Well, that sums up my Ohio trip, only took me a month to get it out there.

I was singing with my eyes closed. Was I frightened? I was petrified.*

If you don't mind, this post will mostly be pictures. Day 4 we went to the zoo, and then ate amazing pizza and had an ice cream showdown between two ice creams...everyone else had the showdown, I stuck to one flavor...the chocolate free life makes ice cream show downs difficult.

Day 4: I'm sorry these post are so long. Mostly I am wordy, second mostly - I have a lot of pics. Videos are optional in this portion, but I think if you recall from day 2 of this trip you might want to grab a soundbite of why I couldn't understand these children- and how that got me kidnapped.

THE ZOO

Running away from the stench of Flamingo

I can't figure out why Cassie doesn't like my new friend!

....so tired!

What the...that's a stuffed animal!! This zoo looks pretty questionable to me!*