Monday, May 17, 2010

Nepotism belongs in the arts, not in plumbing.*

Day Two:

First off, let me apologize. I have been extremely busy. So busy that I have 80 blog posts to read on my reader! This is after I've gone through and gotten rid of the ones that I follow but don't actually read...mostly law and science blogs (I even try to convince myself that I am smart). Man, I want a cookie.

I finally got to Sarah's Day 1&2 post which was good because I forgot what we did on day two...because I have a bad memory and should have posted the very night I returned to Richmond. But forgive and forget readers, forgive and forget.

Day two was held two firsts for me. My very first trip to IKEA and my first trip to Jungle Jim's. Yes, my first trip to IKEA. I have seen it on the side of the road on the way into DC but I have never actually made it in there before. We walk in and I am trying to keep my cool, I have heard so many good things about IKEA that I am trying hard not to drool the way that people do when they talk to me about IKEA. The entrance is pretty basic so I think, 'this will be easy'. We take the elevator up to the showroom and at first I'm like, "Yeah big deal, Sears does the same thing." But as we walked through "room" after "room" I kept thinking, "I want to scrap all that I own and buy this exact room." It's not fair to present me with the perfect room and expect me to be able to figure out how to make it work with what I already have, or make it work in the space that I have. I think IKEA should sell rooms, you buy a complete room...not just the furniture, but the walls and everything. One room at a time and you slowly piece your home together. Makes me think of The Sims...but I think this could work. I took it easy though, I bought two lanterns (curses that I haven't taken pictures) and I put them on either end of my mantel. I bought a few other things, but they don't really matter as much as the lanterns.

From there we went to Jungle Jim's. I had heard a lot about Jungle Jim's too...but only since I arrived in Cincinnati. It's a HUGE store and a tourists why not right? I mean, how many grocery stores can be tourist attractions too? Hallie grabbed my hand and took me to see the giant corn on the cob. It was alright, until it's big mouth started talking, and it's masochistic stick of butter joined in too. Then our "tour guide" arrived and gave us a bunch of paperwork and sent us on our way.

We went walking through the store and came across the Campbell's Soup can

Naturally I wanted a picture, and even more naturally I wanted someone in it with me. Since I had Hallie we went and stood under the can and took a photo. Then my boyfriend, Kenny (I believe that he had already kissed me by this point - he moves fast) ran and joined the picture. And right before the flash went off I felt like a mother, these two kids had adopted me for this photo. Nothing wrong with being a mother, but it kind of scared me (if you can see my face in this picture you can tell I'm not lying). Of course, that could have also been from the sinking feeling in my stomach that something was about to go wrong...(dun dun dun!)
Hallie and Kenny each took a hand and began to lead me away. I don't know why I went along, I am bigger and older and could have literally put my foot down and not gone. I looked back at the other grown ups, made sure they saw me and went with the kids. Hallie walked me through the candy section and straight to Elvis - who was quiet and she said something in her native dialect (let me explain. Hallie has an adorable high pitched voice that is only capable of saying vowels), I will try to find a video to show this. Kenny isn't much better, but I can pick up more. So here I am, in The Ohio, in possibly the largest grocery store in the country, next to giant candy and a mute Elvis (who promises to start in 5 minutes) and no one else is coming.

Giant PEZ and giant Smarties

Elvis starts and Hallie dances away. She gets hit on by a few older men who are impressed with her moves but she isn't phased, she just keeps moving. Elvis stops and no one else has shown up. About this time I am wishing I had been paying more attention to the game plan, or the tour guide. I think it's fair to warn you that I take on the maturity and wisdom of those who surround me. Being with two young children I abandoned the thought of staying still and waiting and we took off looking for our group. We started with the Campbell's Soup Can - he could offer us nothing, even with his bird's eye view he couldn't help us find anyone. So we did what anyone would do, we aimlessly wandered. We found the restroom and I remember that being on the list of attractions (no joke) so when we approached it and it was just another restroom I felt jipped, and finally felt sincerely lost. My stomach was actually hurting by this point and all I wanted to do was sit down, but I had the two kids, so I felt like we should keep wandering. I bought them some taffy (because buying candy always enhances the situation). We found a "movie theater" with the history of Jungle Jim's playing, so I finally got to sit down for a bit. I tried calling Tami and Sarah (and realized then that I don't have Cassie's number) but I didn't seem to get good service in the store and was only able to leave voice mails.

As we were wandering Kenny looked around and dejectedly said, "I think I'm lost." You and me both kid, you and me both. Hallie, the mastermind, was fine in all of this. Her dastardly plan had come to fruition. ...I had been kidnapped.

Finally a call came through from Tami and we were able to rejoin our group. I was taken to the real bathroom to see what the hype was about.
This is the entrance, but the bathroom is really nice on the inside. The rest of our trip to Jungle Jim's was uneventful. I learned my lesson about following Hallie and we went around checking out the rest of the attractions.
The General Mills band (P.S. all the attractions moved and talked/sang)

The hot sauce aisle with accompanying fire engine.
Outside of the store there is a water...something, with giant plastic jungle animals. So we took a picture. Kenny is trying to act like he's not into this picture, but he totally is.
You are probably wondering why I put a picture of Jason Bateman here. Aside from my obvious love of Jason Bateman, I think Kenny kind of looks like him.

Okay, day three coming sooner than day two did! ...hopefully.


Sarah said...

ha ha ha. I like reading about the trip from your perspective...
you and Kenny really hit it off didn't you. ;)

The Ottley's said...

Two words: Drama Queen.

Joanna and Ben said...

Your title is from Princess, I read the blog


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