Literary Larry

Last night G and I went to the "literary" class, at least that's what Jeremy/Andrew called it when he called me to reschedule it. See, last week G and I were supposed to go to a class about the do's and don'ts of contacting publishers and agents. Due to the massive amounts of snow (it wasn't that bad) the class was canceled, though Jeremy/Andrew didn't inform us of that. So we got there shortly before 7 and some teenage boy with horrible customer service sat at the desk while G and I debated who would ask where the class was. Finally, I won, and G asked and the kid tells us the class is canceled.

So Monday Jeremy/Andrew calls to reschedule and he tells me that the class will just be combined with the other publishing class that they were going to have this week anyway. Pretty much G and I get two classes for the price of one. Insert infomercial here, "Buy now and you'll get these two classes, an $80 value for only $39.99!!! ...in other words $40). Then he says something about how Joanne would focus more on the class that we had signed up for because that got the greater response.

We get there this time and G informs me that it's my turn. So I ask the lady (skipping over teenager from last week) and then someone just interrupts! What's the matter with the human race these days? It happens all the time! Or is that just me? Am I invisible or something? At work people always come up and interrupt when I am talking to someone, and it's not like they have a pressing matter, it's just as unimportant as what I was talking about, but it's the principle of the matter, it's about manners. ...oops. Getting back on track now.

So then teenage boy picks us up when he's finished what he was doing. He starts to look up the class (though in retrospect I'm trying to figure out how difficult that really should have been for him cause he was looking for quite some time). A lady comes to the desk and asks if she is in the right room to be teaching the publishing class. "Joanne" I almost say cause Jeremy/Andrew told me Joanne was the teacher. Teenager tells her that she is, and then he looks at us and we nod and follow the teacher. I don't think we were trying to be sneaky, but it wasn't like we jumped right in and said, "Hey, we're in your class!" rather we quietly fell in line. She stopped and turned to us with a smile, "Are you here for the class?" Yes. So we are best friends and we all get in the elevator and go to the second floor. We go into the boardroom (a long room with a long table and nice chairs) and we sit down, expecting that somehow we are just the first people. Then someone comes in and checks in with Joanne and she says, "There should be one more." One more? One more...group? I found it hard to believe that there would only be three people in the class. I had expected more people...call me crazy. So my mind races back to what Jeremy/Andrew had said, that our class got a greater response, that response was 2, it was G and me. Well, other aspiring author didn't show up (probably didn't get the phone call). It also explains how Jeremy/Andrew was so good about recalling our names! He only had three to work with! Cause when I called to confirm that the reschedule was fine I said, "And I signed up my friend at the same time and she's okay with the reschedule too." and he asks, "Gretel?" and I'm thinking, "You're good!" Now I know better.

Oh and we learned that Monday night is when Joanne found out that she was teaching, so at least it wasn't just us that they were horrible with contacting. Also, on our way into the building we passed some people in the parking lot, I think they were women (not sure) and I nodded towards them and told G to remember their faces, they were going to be in our class (and as you already guessed they weren't). Turns out that there was Gilligan's Island....the musical going on in the theater downstairs. But I'm sure that if that weren't happening they would have signed up for the class...they looked "the writer" part.

Wow...all of that just to get into the classroom - now details on the class.

Uh, well, not really details...more feelings. I'm scared to death now, I mean I was scared to begin with, but it's worse now. BFF Joanne could have said, "If you want to get published it can happen" a million times but it wasn't going to make me feel good when she got going on and on about how hard it is, the dangers of certain types of publishers, the risks, and how I had to explain why I was the only person who could write what I was writing. Well, how do you say, "Cause I'm the only one weird enough to think this stuff up" in a professional way? All I could think is what I usually think when I look through the fiction section at the book store, "What in the world makes my book equal or better than these?" "What makes mine worth printing?"

She told us about query letters and synopsis that we'd have to write to send to publishers and agents to give them the simplified version of the story. The query letter is where you put a sample of the best of your writing. It's also what the publisher will probably use for the back of the book, so it's got to hook them.

BFF Joanne told us that she hoped she didn't scare us and then G told BFF Joanne that I was the scared one. Thanks G. But she was right. Besides, it's probably best to be more grounded in this. I'll tell you what, I'm going to start practicing Query letters and synopsis even if I never send them anywhere, I've got to write the back of my book!

I should have known it would be difficult, I don't know why I keep expecting life to get easier. She talked about getting published in magazines and such, just to build my "writing background". I mean the high school magazine doesn't really cut it anymore, so I think I'm going to try and do that again...we'll see what I can write up to send to magazines for their perusal and rejection. I figure it might be time to harden myself for rejection. A drawer full of rejection letters is better than nothing if you ask me.

Also, I figure if all else fails I can at least get a copy of it in print for myself and a few loved ones, cause now I know the way.

Oh, best part. In the middle of the class a police officer opens the door and looks in. Joanne tells him we're the only ones there and he nods and leaves. Creepy, not that the cop came in, but who was he looking for? If a cop is looking for you then you probably aren't a good person. A few minutes later a different cop opens the door and peaks in (and as I recall he was really cute, but I could just have a thing for men with dark hair in uniforms). So we all look at each other and asked amongst ourselves if we should be locking the door. Then, not very long after a third one comes into the room with this big goofy grin on his face and looks around and Joanne says, "we really are the only people in this room." He smiles (or rather just kept smiling), nods and leaves. Now we know something is up and Joanne goes to investigate and then G and I joke that they are playing hide and seek...crazy police officers! Joanne can't find them, they've disappeared but at least we aren't worried about an attacker since the last one just seemed so happy.

That's my evening!