Friday, September 24, 2010

You have been weighed, you have been measured and you have been found wanting.*

I really got to test out my new "Emotional Intelligence" skills yesterday. I took my time responding to the other person and to really think about what I was going to say. It oddly started to feel like chess...I would think about what I would say, then try to determine (before I said anything) what their response to that would be. I avoided several "Jessica" remarks, the kind that bring tears to the eyes of the strongest men. But I also refused to be manipulated by this person, who has often gotten out of trouble by making me feel sorry for them. At the end of the conversation I simply said, "You're going to be okay." And left it at that.

That paragraph makes me come across as calm. Please don't be mistaken, I was a nervous wreck. There are reasons that a book called "Emotional Intelligence" caught my eye - I had measured myself as lacking in that department. But I would like to add something for myself, in the future. Just because you see the big picture, remember that others don't always. I kept trying to explain my position to this person and when they responded it was as though they hadn't even heard me. That was the hard part, not blowing up at them for not even paying attention. I know they wanted to "fix" the situation (basically, if you must know, I am eradicating this person from my life, and I feel good about doing so, this is the right decision for me) and they wanted to fix it fast. I imagine they felt the pity card would get them out again, but I can't keep sacrificing my feelings for the feelings of others. It doesn't do anyone any good. Besides, I deleted this person from my phone, camera, and Facebook a month ago and they are now just noticing. I mean, they really will be okay without my friendship, just as I am okay without theirs.

I'm sorry I can't provide more detail, even if I wanted to divulge everything it's months and months of storyline, drama, and heartache. I really don't have the time to go through all of that, and I don't know how to sum it up for you guys. So, I really am sorry about it.

To lighten the mood...how about a story. Today is Theresa's birthday at work. Wanda got balloons and a card and I picked up bagels for the "birthday group". As I was preparing to send the e-mail to the group so they would know what time to come and eat I thought to check Theresa's calendar and make certain that she could attend at the time we were thinking of...that's when I noticed the big purple line through the day indicating that she was out of the office.

Bummer.

So I sent an e-mail to the birthday group nonetheless:

Someone (and by someone, I mean me) forgot to make sure that Theresa would be in the office today for her birthday. We have bagels to celebrate…due to bitter disappointment, we will not gather in a group, rather they will be in the HR Conference room. Enjoy.

Le Sigh.

4 comments:

The Ottley's said...

Knights tale! A fam fav. Just watched it 2 weeks ago!

C$ said...

A Knights Tale!

Ok, now I'm gonna go back and read it...

Sarah said...

a knights tale :) love me some heath ledger!

Joanna & Ben said...

A Knight's Tale
You have good intentions, little sister of mine. And I know how much you dislike all of that dealing with people stuff, good luck with that! And about the bagels, you had good intentions and who cares about whether you gather in a group or not when there are free bagels.

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