Monday, May 2, 2011

Drama, drama, drama.*

As you know, I have a fake fiance. Well, I should say had. Read all about the beginnings HERE and HERE. But if you don't feel like reading through all of that (I wouldn't), just know that Matt and I got fake engaged at the last Regional Activity on the way to the Ice Skating Rink. We had made plans to get married in March because Matt wants 10 kids and I'm not getting any younger.

March came and went and we weren't married, then I got strep throat (remember?) and my symptoms apparently mimicked those of pregnancy...how could I resist?? How could anyone resist?? That's right, I am now fake pregnant with triplets.

Several people knew before Matt did. I thought Marissa had broken the news to him, so when I ran into him at a party I decided we needed to talk about this, I mean, he should have known first that I was pregnant with his fake children. So I approached him and tried to apologize for not telling him first, but it quickly became apparent that he didn't know what I was talking about, so I told him. "We're going to have triplets." He had been eating and nearly spit his food out, but not in anger or shock, but complete joy. He was so excited! That's a relief, especially for an out of wedlock fake pregnant girl.

Life continued as normal for a while, I would randomly throw out there that I was pregnant with triplets and I would get people to feel my stomach ("Want to feel my baby kick?") and then I would kick them as soon as their hand went to my stomach - muhahaha!

One Sunday in church, Matt was sitting in front of me and one of the talks seemed to be all about marriage, Matt turns to me and says, "I feel like this talk is directed at me." I put my hand on his shoulder and said, "It's fine, as long as we're married before the triplets are born we'll be okay." He laughed and nodded.

Then a few weeks ago I was at another activity and I was walking with his roommate, Jesse, to the bon fire and I mentioned something about my triplets and Jesse gave me a hard time about it because we weren't married. I told him that if we wanted 10 kids we couldn't wait and Jesse says, "You're having 12". I said, "Matt and I agreed on 10". Jesse shook his head, "Well, I'm saying 12." I looked over at him , "I knew you were going to be a problem."

While I was away in DE and NJ not being impressed there was another activity. Obviously, I wasn't there, but it affected my fake life greatly. I was talking to Amber on the night I returned to VA and mentioned something about my fake engagement and she said, "You and Matt are finished." "What?!" I didn't believe her and she went on to tell me that Matt says we're finished because my friend Jim kept saying that I was with his roommate, Mike. Matt felt two timed and wouldn't stand for it so he kept insisting that it was over. So Amber fake hit on my fake fiance! It's not the first time either, it's why I told her she couldn't be my fake maid of honor.

I immediately got on Facebook (the only way I know how to get in touch with my fake fiance) and wrote on his wall, "Wait...It's over!?" I mean, who breaks off a fake engagement with a fake pregnant girl without saying a word to her? Then I quickly added, "And in my condition!" All I got back was that he hit "like" on my post.

Friday night we had an Acoustic night and I went with the hopes of confronting Matt about our silent break-up, he agreed that it wasn't right that I didn't know we had broken up and I asked him if we could give it another try. He said we could, but I wasn't sure if he meant with our fake relationship or with breaking up the right way, because he put his hand on my shoulder and gave me an impish smile that could have been taken either way.

Anyway, I have to admit I rather enjoy the drama of a fake life. Is it possible to be living vicariously through a pseudo self?

9 comments:

Marissa said...

Let it be known I can keep secrets and run with jokes. This experience proves it.

Sarah said...

how to lose a guy in 10 days :)

Sarah said...

laughing....still laughing. That whole thing really is funny.

Amber Lanae- said...

I like how you throw me under the bus and still refuse to let me be your fake maid of honor. You took me hitting on him the second time COMPLETELY out of context...

And I wouldn't really date your fake fiance if you broke up-it was all just jokes.

Despite all your fake drama, I'm still going to take care of you in your condition and provide excellent childcare when the triplets come...

Lildonbro said...

Amber - explain how "Hey Matt, now that you and Jessica are finished, you wanna go out?" was taken out of context...

P.S. love how you wouldn't really date my fake ex-fiance...cause apparently, I didn't either!

Also - Real Life Jessica totally let it all go as it happened...Fake Jessica holds on to it because drama is what keeps her alive.

Lacee said...

LOL! This post made me laugh. Maybe you should do a fake registry for your babies...that'd be fun!

The Harrison Crew said...

I heart you. Living the fake life is the only way to go (believe me - sometimes I much prefer it). ;)

Ashley said...

haha! This is too funny. Almost as great as the time you told Matt that you like me better than Christian (that was pretty awesome!). P.S. I love that a nerdy picture of us is at the top of your blog. Makes me feel special!!

Merika Stout said...

This is fantastic! I loved this story so much that I had to share it with my roommie shanna. holy cow I miss your antics! Love this whole situation!

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...