So I was thinking last night, how nice it would be to be a dog. I know they don’t have much going for them, if they don’t live on a farm they are usually in a kennel 63% of the time or tied up in the backyard. The kids like you when you’re a puppy but after that you’ve become a poop machine that has turned their once playful backyard into a veritable mine field. You have to beg for something decent to eat, you only get to bathe when your owner has time to give you a bath, you’ve got to wear an itchy collar all the time, etc., etc., etc. But the cool thing about being a dog is you get to speak your mind and no one thinks anything of it. If a dog doesn’t like someone they can growl, bark, show their lovely sharp teeth to demonstrate that if you come any closer you’re not likely to survive. Does anyone say anything mean in return? When I say anyone we are leaving out people who abuse animals, shoot animals, or are in any other way humanly impaired. No, people don’t say, “Well that dog must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed” or, “What a horrible dog for saying such things!” No, in fact in some small way they respect that dog, at least enough to avoid running into it. But if I were to openly express how I felt about someone there would be talk behind my back, people would wonder if I was on some mood altering medication, and not to mention there would also be some demeaning names attached. Being a person who desperately wants to speak (here I am referring to the verbal ability, writing I can usually get it out, but verbally I’m trapped in a prison of my own impulsiveness and stupidity) my mind but is typically unable to do so I envy the dogs around the world who can easily get the point across that they don’t like you, and nobody asks them to explain why. It could be the way they smell, the way they look, it really could just be a bad doggy day, regardless the reasoning, dogs have that aspect of life a whole lot easier.
The only thing better is to be a cat with claws where you could randomly throw out a few quick swats at someone, forever altering their paradigm of kitty safety and closeness. And if you get away fast enough nobody will put you down at the vet’s office and you can live off the mice of the land.