It's casual Friday here at work. I decided today I would go classy. Some casual Fridays I wear a hoodie, jeans and sneakers. The hoodie is pushing the limits, as would be T-shirts in the summer, according to the dress code. Today I have a black sweater and my red flats (sock-less on a cold, rainy day - le sigh). Anyway, not my point. My point is, when I wear pants, jeans in particular, I create an undesirable swooshing sound when I walk. After much study and observation I have concluded that the swooshing is originating at my inner thighs as the two pants legs rub together. To me, this can only mean one thing, I have rather...hmmm...healthy thighs, curvaceous, big boned, bordering on obesity thighs.
As I was walking the green mile of the office, I tried my darnedest to avoid making this socially noxious noise. It inadvertently led to the sucking in of my stomach. This got my mind wondering why if it is possible to suck in my stomach why can't I suck in my thighs?? And as I thought about this the swooshing seemed to fade away and for a moment I foolishly believed that it was possible to suck my thighs in. When what really happened was that the intensity of thought caused me to decrease my speed to that of a tortoise. With the decreased speed came decreased friction, and the false sense of a fading swoosh. Sadly, I am left to roam the halls wishing I was bowlegged.