Friday, January 22, 2010

Ew, Dandelion, must be the last one of the season.*

It's casual Friday here at work. I decided today I would go classy. Some casual Fridays I wear a hoodie, jeans and sneakers. The hoodie is pushing the limits, as would be T-shirts in the summer, according to the dress code. Today I have a black sweater and my red flats (sock-less on a cold, rainy day - le sigh). Anyway, not my point. My point is, when I wear pants, jeans in particular, I create an undesirable swooshing sound when I walk. After much study and observation I have concluded that the swooshing is originating at my inner thighs as the two pants legs rub together. To me, this can only mean one thing, I have rather...hmmm...healthy thighs, curvaceous, big boned, bordering on obesity thighs.

As I was walking the green mile of the office, I tried my darnedest to avoid making this socially noxious noise. It inadvertently led to the sucking in of my stomach. This got my mind wondering why if it is possible to suck in my stomach why can't I suck in my thighs?? And as I thought about this the swooshing seemed to fade away and for a moment I foolishly believed that it was possible to suck my thighs in. When what really happened was that the intensity of thought caused me to decrease my speed to that of a tortoise. With the decreased speed came decreased friction, and the false sense of a fading swoosh. Sadly, I am left to roam the halls wishing I was bowlegged.

6 comments:

G Sauce said...

Everyone makes noise when they wear jeans unless the are super skinny and are wearing skin tight jeans.

Amber Lanae- said...

*ICE AGE!!!!

Amber Lanae- said...

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! I just read your blog out loud and I am pretty sure its the funniest thing I have read in a long time.

And I agree with G, you have to be bowlegged to not make that noise!

Sarah said...

And THAT is why I read your blog. (I made the mistake of eating and drinking while reading...it almost came out of my nose when I ready "why can't I suck in my thighs" ...good question by the way. :)

Sarie Lou said...

you know those super skinny girls that make the rest of us puke, they are kinda bowlegged...if you've ever noticed. I think that's why their legs are so skinny and their thighs don't touch. or, they have wide butts so their legs sit further out. either way. i'll take my fat thighs over bowlegged awkwardness :)

Katie H said...

I feel this way when I wear my cords. They are MUCH louder than the jeans, I promise.

And would you want to walk like a cowboy to avoid your thighs rubbing together?! I think not.

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