I'm 99.9% parched*

It's Friday!

Thank goodness because I can't take it anymore. Who knew I could waste a whole week of my life not doing anything? Well, that will change. Monday will be a clean slate and next week will be productive (I don't sound like a procrastinator at all do I?)

Of course, this weekend is tainted because I have to give a talk at church on Sunday. I finished writing the talk yesterday and I practiced it four times already! I will practice it some more too because I get so darn nervous when I have to give a talk. I don't think I'll ever get used to it. When I was a trainer I started to get into the routine, I became a pretty good trainer too and that's not me just being full of myself, I have my old boss and coworker to back me up on that. But with training it was the same material every time, of course I got used to it. When you give a talk in church or teach a lesson it is always different. No matter how many times you do it, it's going to be different...therefore, I will never get used to it.

It's okay though, it's all part of life.

There's not a whole lot else going on. I am just trying to kill the last half hour that stands between me and 5 o'clock.

I want to go do something great today, but I will probably just end up going home and eating dinner, call it an early night and watch some Bones...I'm a little in love with that show.

To live would be an awfully big adventure.*

Prepare to be shocked and amazed.

Today, against my better judgement, I decided to go out to eat for lunch. Every once in a while my coworker asks, "What are you doing for lunch?" Today, she asked as I was finishing my cheese stick I brought with me (having already munched my pretzels into oblivion). It's one of those times in a woman's month where every morsel of food seems to offer a certain level of comfort, the very thought of it warms your insides and chases the pain away.

After taking a moment to think about how much I shouldn't go out to eat, I said, "Nothing, I'm doing nothing. What did you have in mind?" Suddenly I found myself overwhelmed with the desire to eat something that was hot, or at least warm. Something that screamed, "unhealthy!" like fried mozzarella sticks or french fries.
I got my wish. We went to Ruby Tuesdays and I decided to get a burger, it turns out that at Ruby's they have "endless" fries, akin to Red Robin's "bottomless" ones, except that for every time I go to Red Robin I always seem to find the bottom of that basket, and stare at it the remainder of the meal...which is fine because I actually don't like Red Robin's fries (and I know fries!). At Ruby's though, the waiter came up, saw that my "basket" (rather, porcelain fry container) was emptied and asked me if I would like more fries. "Yes." I said, "Thank you!" I loaded up on fries for two reasons. The first is the obvious one...uh, they are endless, why not? The second is that my burger was unsatisfactory. The blood soaked bottom half of the bun was what gave it away. I cut the burger in half to find that most of it was cooked though, but somehow the little edge still mooed. I ate half the burger and then couldn't stomach it anymore, I had visions of contracting mad cow's disease, which I envision is similar to rabies (at least with the foaming mouth) coupled with going cross-eyed and being unable to keep my tongue from wagging outside of my mouth. So fries it was, and fries it will never be again.
That's right folks. I feel horrible right now and I don't know if it is the pain that I subscribe to on a monthly basis or if it is the over consumption of fried potatoes cut into "shoe strings", or possibly a mixture of them both, but I am not digging this feeling. I am making a new goal for myself, and I think it really is for the best (so if my friends would be ever so supportive when they are nearby and I find myself face to face with temptation, I would appreciate it). I am giving up fries.

Shocked and amazed? You better be...this is big for me. (wow that rhymes, I feel like I need to make up a rap about giving up fries now...Oily death and lies - my little french fries...on second thought, I'll leave the rapping to others).

I know you can be overwhelmed and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?*

It's that time again, for one of my weird little theories. This one is called...

The Fish and the Amoeba (as pertaining to boys)

This theory is not to be confused with the Steak Fry Hierarchy of 2007 (If needed I can revisit this as I don't believe I ever blogged about it) in fact, they have no correlation what-so-ever.

Imagine with me if you will that you are swimming in a sea of fishes.

Creepy and yet freaking adorable.

There many different types of fishes, big ones, little ones, colorful or dull. Plenty of fishes for you to choose from (are you following what I am really getting at?). Each fish, when it first comes into the pond has immeasurable potential. They are all so clean and lovely. However, each fish runs the risk of running into an amoeba. These tiny, microscopic creatures can latch on to a fish, a wonderful, beautiful fish and slowly begin to change it's very composition until it somehow shakes off the amoeba or worse...becomes an amoeba infested fish.

Let's talk about this. I am going to assume that this situation can be considered global, but it may be confined to the Chippenham Ward in Richmond, VA.

A new guy moves in. He's cute, average height, seemed pretty mature and intelligent when you spoke to him in the hallway. The prospect of there being a guy in the world who has a full time job, can speak intelligently, doesn't spend most of his free time drinking Mountain Dew and playing video games in his underwear causes butterflies to burst in your stomach. It will be refreshing to hang out with someone whose maturity level is above that of a thirteen year old's.

Even if nothing romantic happens with this guy, say you end up just being friends, it is still refreshing, still nice to be around a guy who seems to have his priorities straight. There's one problem though. You both swim in the same sea with all the other fishes. Other fishes that are covered in amoebas! (Please read the next part faster and more panicked, it's fun that way) Your new, shiny fish suddenly comes in contact with that fish that's been in your sea for over two years! The one who would rather watch a sporting event then go on a date! As you watch in horror, amoebas are jumping from one fish to another. You want to stop it, but nothing seems to work! You remind them that you are floating there, that you are a lady fish, but they laugh and keep talking and before long you see your shiny fish covered in amoebas of all shapes and sizes!!

When one fish swims to close to another he gets this funk of him. No one's fault, it just happens. But the two fish are somehow connected and they begin to act the same way whenever they are around each other. The amoebas bring out the worst in the fish. Savvy?

Actually, I have no idea if that makes any sense.

Porkchops and applesauce.*

My latest adventure involves the Grand Caves. I relearned all about stalagmites and stalactites and shields, columns, etc. It was great. I remember so much more than I did in Elementary School when we went to Luray Caverns.


The water drips down and is so full of minerals that it eventually (over hundreds) of years, creates all these amazing formations. Of course, the water dripped on us and I had these horrific images of eventually becoming a rock woman, covered in minerals and unable to move. Wouldn't that be creepy? Yes. It would be, you don't even need to answer, I've answered for you.

This is a picture of the reflection pond. The way they have the lights set up is so that when you look in the pond from a certain angle you can see a "Castle" on a hill....see it? I thought it was cool.

This is George Washington's ghost (no...he did not stand still long enough as water dripped on him to become a rock man...it apparently just looks like him). I am not actually touching it because when you touch the rock formations you leave behind your oil which makes the new water dripping down unable to latch on to it and therefore it stops growing. And I'm no killer.

The rainbow room. It looks like it continues below, but that is another reflection pond.

After the caves we went to see the Mennonites at the Farmer's Market and I found a bag of just Lucky Charm marshmallows. It's a dream come true! There are several theories about this...either the Mennonites are crazy about these marshmallows so they package them to sell in their "grocery store" or they are forbidden to eat the marshmallows, so they pick them out and package them. OR my personal favorite, a punishment for bad little children is to pick out the marshmallows while sitting in a small barn on a wooden chair at a wooden table. The greater the offense the longer the shift.

It was a drive by fruiting*

Ha! I was cleaning up the "Drafts" in my "edit posts" section and found this little gem. Just proof that I do intend to stay current and up to date with my posts, but then something comes up or I get distracted.


Better late than never I have pictures to put up from my sister's Thanksgiving visit. ...Note: we never got out of the car in D.C. ....we never parked. I don't want to talk about it.

I'm in the market, as it were.*

Goodbye Maytag, Hello Whirlpool! I was going to wait until Friday and take my friend with me to look at possible washing machines but then I realized two things - Friday is far away and I need a washer. Two - there ain't nothing (note: I am aware that "ain't" isn't a word, and I've used a double negative) the store can tell me that the website can't. All the details will mean the same to me whether from the "compare product" feature or a sales persons mouth (meaning, they will mean nothing). Now that I have bought it (online), I hope it fits. But again, the same thing would have happened in the store anyway. Besides, I don't have to deal with a pushy salesperson who tries to sell me more than I need or get me to pay more than I want to pay.

Here he is!

The Whirlpool 3.5 Cu. Ft. Super Capacity Plus Top-Load Washer (Color:White). It seems that washer's have not joined the cool crowd of changing colors. White is the only option in my price range. I wanted a top-load washer because that is what I know and trust and starting a load of laundry with a top-loader isn't a permanent commitment. When you start a load of laundry with a front loader you have to be sure all your laundry is in there. There's no going back once you start, no adding the sock that absconded itself from the laundry basket on your journey from bed room to laundry closet.

It has three cycles, Normal, Casual and Delicate. Did you know that not all washers come with these cycles? I thought they were basics, but no. So don't be fooled by price alone (have several things that fool you). There are 4 water temperatures...I don't know what they could be, I only know of three. Cold, warm, and hot...maybe there is "Ice Cold" or "Lukewarm"...that would be cool. I haven't named him yet, I believe that to name your washer you have to get to know each other first.

I will blog when he arrives, is installed, and the inaugural load is complete.

You know the Greeks didn't write obituaries. They only asked one question after a man died: "Did he have passion?"*

Henry Maytag
Washer Extraordinaire
Born: Unknown
Died: June 13, 2010

Henry Maytag, prominent Pennsylvania Avenue Washer, died yesterday from complications of filling his basin with cold/cold water. His age was unknown. Quiet but loud enough to be heard, Maytag never gave signs of declining health. Even in his final moments he worked on filling his basin to wash a load of dirty colors. It is unknown if he knew his end was coming, but whether or not he did, the courageous Maytag secretly clung to the belief that he would wash one more load of laundry.

Asked about the loss of her dear washing companion, Lildonbro, prominent blogger, described Maytag as a faithful washer in the last days of his life.

Maytag passed away quietly, surrounded by dirty clothes, lint and family. Currently the cause of death is unknown and there were no preexisting medical conditions.
*~*~*~*~*~
I never got to say goodbye. I never got to complete one last wash. I don't think this is covered by the home warranty. I know a lot of time hasn't passed, but I don't want to be alone, I am already shopping around for the next Pennsylvania Avenue Washer.

My entire life flashed before my eyes. It didn't take too long.*

There are three types of adventurous people -

1. Those who risk their life for the adrenaline rush
2. Those who hop in a car and go for an adventure
3. Those who take a different kind of adventure, like changing jobs.

I am not the latter, I get settled in a job and I'll stay there until something forces me out. Moving works well, it's how I have changed jobs the most. I don't find playing around with my financial security a fun adventure.


I certainly can't be the 1st, I don't even like to ride roller coasters all that much, you won't ever find me jumping out of a plane or attached to a bungee cord. It's just not going to happen. That leaves me with option 2...or invisible option 4 - (which I probably am) the kind of person who doesn't have adventures (and in my case I think we would be safe to say, "So they elaborate their life stories to make them seem more fun").


I want to be a fun person. I want to not have to Google "Fun things to do...that are easy" Because not only am I not fun, inventive, or creative, but I'm also lazy. It's this way with a lot of things in my life. I want to do these things, but I just don't know how to get started and I in the end I up giving up. But while the fire is lit, I am going to try to have some more adventures!

I realized today that I really am only young once. Don't ask me why something so obvious just became clear today, but it did. When else am I going to be able to even think about joining a rugby team (though I don't think I'll go through with this one). When am I going to be able to just pick up and go somewhere? Now is the time for the adventures, I have to stop thinking I am older than I am.

It's like last night. I went to play Frisbee - I was the only girl who showed up and afterwards I was sitting and talking with the boys while we enjoyed possibly one of the last nice evenings of the summer. After joking around about how we all need to lose weight (it's funny how guys are so much like girls sometimes) and telling them about the Relief Society arms (the kind that when you wave the fat underneath your arm knocks people over as it sloshes back and forth with the perpetual force of your wave). We started to talk about cartwheels and somersaults. I mentioned to one of the guys that I never could do a cartwheel, but somersaults I did all the time. But then something happened, something changed. Suddenly I was too afraid to do somersaults! Even watching one of the guys do one last night I thought, "Watch your neck! Be careful!" When did that happen?

So it got me thinking, when we were young we were fearless. It's as we age and have more experience with pain and disappointment that these little gymnastic moves become less of a fun trick and more of a possibility to break our necks or chip our spinal cords. It's the same with anything in life. We are less willing to take chances, preoccupied with playing it safe, emotionally, physically, etc. Sure, we are perfectly safe but we are missing out on a lot.

I have actually been working on this post for a while; mostly to get myself motivated about adventuring or to convince you guys that I used to be cool. Then last night I just felt like I really do need to start getting out there more and doing more things.

So, I am still going to go through with my plan. You guys are going to get random post about the things I used to do. Whether I actually enjoyed them at the time or not will be a mystery, but looking back on them, I'm glad I went through with each and every one and I hope that I can say that for all the adventures to come!

Whoever said Orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed*

Ashley just posted on her blog about 1000AwesomeThings.com which I had never heard of before. It was a really good post and inspired me to be a little more upbeat. Sure I am still feeling the residual effects of this weekend's decision, but I am trying not to get pulled into these sad, bad, angry feelings that have swimming around inside of me. Call it trying to further suppress them, but I think I got them out enough on Sunday and then in the post on Monday. Happiness is a choice people and I am choosing to be happy.

So- inspired by Ashley's post I am now going to write about 10 (at least) awesome things:

1. Sleeping in - There is nothing better than being able to turn off the alarm clock and go back to bed (OK there may be better things but not in my mind at the moment).
2. Snickerdoodle cookies - Sugar cookies, rolled into a ball, dipped in cinnamon and sugar...need I say more?
3. A good hug - There are two types of people in this world, those who give good hugs, and those who don't. I would like to always have at least one good hugger in my entourage at all times.
4. Binding notebooks - that's my project for the day at work and I am a binding fiend. I love the feel of spiral bound books, the ease of opening them and keeping them open.
5. The smell of a new building - I used to not like this smell, but lately it's become the smell of a new beginning, endless possibility, and Lowe's.
6. Getting over writer's block - for those of you who know, I am writing a story. I am currently on book two and I hate when I get stuck. I can get stuck for weeks or even months, but I love the feeling when the fog clears and you just type and type and type.
7. Friends who think I'm funny no matter what - call me egotistical, I don't care as long as you are thinking and talking about me (totally kidding) but I love to be around people who laugh all the time, makes me feel funny, prompts me to keep going, which leads to me being happier. It's a mutually beneficial, contagious cycle I crave.
8. Followers - Yes, I love followers, I'm not going to lie and I'm not ashamed to admit it. There is some weird sort of validation in having people following your blog, even if they don't leave comments (though, comments are one step up from followers).
9. Hammocks - Seriously if you disagree then you've never laid in a hammock before. Give me a cool, summer evening with a hammock and I'll be in heaven.
10. Double Stuffed Golden Oreos - It may be time to go to lunch. But seriously...I am surprised it took Nabisco so long to realize that once they introduced Golden Oreos to the scene they should have created all Oreos equal. I should have seen Double Stuff Golden Oreos years ago, but I am not complaining, just happy they are finally here.

Thanks again Ashley for your post. Just writing this list made me happier today!

Do you have any idea how much that stings?*

I am not obsessed...okay, maybe I am a little. I watched an episode of Pushing Daises that I received from Netflix...it was about a woman getting murdered by a hive of bees...hmm. I hadn't seen it before and I didn't pick it out, it was just next up on the list, and this right after my traumatic experience. Then today I was on my iGoogle homepage trying to alleviate my boredom and one of the things I have set up is a daily "how to" (in an attempt to hopefully find things that make life more interesting) and I saw this article:

How to Escape From Killer Bees

I thought it was timely. I also learned that Bees are imports. This great land known as the American Continent did not have bees before in either it's Northern or Southern regions until the European colonists decided to bring honey bees with them. Couldn't leave well enough alone I see.

On another note, I just wanted to thank everyone for your comments, nosy e-mails, and phone calls. I really do appreciate them. Happy to report that I am doing a little better today, and hope to be doing better and better every day! Thanks again. You are all fantastic!

Every town has its ups and downs, sometimes ups outnumber the downs.*

Sometimes we are expected to do hard and difficult things that we don't want to do, that we don't think we can do. This weekend was one of those times for me. I'm not all about details of my personal and private life, I don't know if you've noticed, I hardly ever get deep on here. Pretty shallow, fun and fancy free.

But I hurt right now and I need to write to get it out. I realized yesterday as I sat in the car talking to Amber that I have been letting things build up inside of me rather than facing them. I had no clue how angry I have been because I have been suppressing it, but I am angry. I am angry at a lot of things in my life, I am angry at things that people have done to me, things I have done to myself, situations in my life...just...angry. I'm mad that I have no safe haven anymore, no place to run away to when life gets too hard. I'm mad that my AC doesn't work, that a bee stung me, and that those two stupid spiders are blocking the water filter. I'm mad that I can't understand those stupid directions to change the water filter. I'm mad that at some point in my life I stopped depending on the Lord and started to depend on people who couldn't help me.

First, let me apologize, I hate when people are vague but that's exactly what I am about to do. I had two very difficult decisions this weekend, well, I shouldn't say weekend because I have known for a while that I needed to do these things, but this weekend I knew I would go through with them. It had been putting me in a funk, I haven't really been myself lately. Sunday morning I got my confirmation (again) that this is what I needed to do.

I have a personal theme for the year, Amber does a theme each year and I liked the idea so I stole it from her back in January. I wanted something to guide my life, to have a little more purpose in the things I do. I chose the theme "Come Unto Me" (Matthew 11:28). Back in January I felt it was appropriate for me, and I have continued to feel that it was the best choice for a theme, even though I haven't done much to implement it in my life. I have ignored the things I know I should be doing because my only concern was my happiness. I don't know if any of you have read Elder Jeffery R. Holland's talk, Remember Lot's Wife, it is one of my favorite talks ever. For those of you not familiar with the story, in the Bible, Lot and his family are commanded to leave Sodom and Gomorrah and not to look back. Lot's wife however, looks back and turns into a pillar of salt. In his talk, Elder Holland mentions something about Lot's wife that resonates with me each time I listen to or read this talk. He says, "faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives. So a more theological way to talk about Lot's wife is to say she did not have faith. She doubted the Lord's ability to give her something better than she had. Apparently she thought, fatally as it turned out, that nothing that lay ahead could possibly be as good as those moments she was leaving behind."

So now my mantra to go along with my "Come Unto Me" theme is that faith is believing that what lays ahead is better for you than what you are leaving behind. Don't look back...the future is brighter. I am finally going to start working on my theme, to make it something I am doing, rather than something I am thinking. It is an act, not just something you remind yourself, and no one said that it would be easy.

Yesterday, when I followed through, I was frustrated but overall I felt at peace. I knew, despite the urge to lay on my bathroom floor and cry all night, that I had done the right thing. I have no regret, but that doesn't mean I don't feel down today, that I don't want to stay at home and cry for what I have lost, because I don't know what lay ahead. Today (and for several days to come) I will have to keep reminding myself that what is in store is better than what I was asked to give up. That's a hard thing to make yourself believe when you are in the middle of the heartache, that's why you have to keep reminding yourself, and one day, you'll know it was true.

Life is hard, no matter where you stand. There are going to be the ups and downs, the big disappointments and the little pricks of pain versus the big joys and the tiny happy moments scattered throughout. But I know that everything we experience is ultimately for our good.

Is there air? You don't know!*

I have officially had it with nature! I woke up early today, I went walking with Kathryn and then I came home to mow the lawn. I had a lot on my list of things to do today. Walking (was running but walking is just as good), mow the lawn, do the dishes, change the filter, do a little gardening maybe, shower and get ready for the day. That was just this morning's agenda. I am officially out of commission, and I'll tell you why.

This guy, that's why. I was mowing the lawn and I felt this sharp pain to the right of my knee cap. Not actually unusual for me to feel a sharp pain from time to time. But then the pain persisted. I thought for a moment and was like, "Could be a bee sting. No, couldn't be a bee sting, I don't get stung by bees."

It's true, I haven't been stung by a bee since I was a child. So for me, knowing if it was a bee sting was difficult (this is the girl who didn't know her foot was broken cause she didn't know what it felt like to break something inside of you). I looked down and sure enough, there was a bee on my shoe. They die right? When they sting you? At least that's what I was asking myself out in my backyard as I flicked him off my shoe. The pain persisted though, so I hobbled inside. I got into the house and grabbed some poison ice (the filter still isn't changed, so the ice coming out of that machine is unclean). The pain got really bad so I took off my pants and as I did so I found culprit number two. What kind of perverted bee flies up some one's pants? It's downright rude. I ran to the back and got the vacuum...cause the vacuum is the world's greatest invention and perfect for quick bug fixes...but when I came back he was gone. I didn't have a chance to focus on this because the pain started shooting up my leg! "I'm dying!" I called out, I could be allergic and not even know. What do people do for bee stings? If I'm allergic how long do I have before the anaphylaxic shock? Stay calm Jessica...Google it. And guess what? No bueno, none of the sites really helped me. One said to make sure the stinger is out...the stinger could still be in my leg!?!? I'm still being poisoned!?!?! I run into the bathroom to hold my leg up to the light, what does the stinger look like? A splinter? There was nothing there, nothing at all, unless the stinger is microscopic, in which case, how the heck am I supposed to find it? What if it went all the way inside my skin and is now surfing through my life force? How much venom can one little bee pack?

I read up on what it's going to be like, an "annoying pain" for a few moments, then a dull ache, then just tender around injection site for a few days. Tender, I can deal with it being tender, just wait for the annoying pain to subside. But apparently a few minutes to me is different than a few minutes to the author of this article, it's been well over twenty minutes and even now it's still the annoying pain.

Anyway, I thought the pain had gone away so I grabbed a different pair of pants because I wasn't chancing this. I shook my shoes out in case the monster had decided to fly in there for one more attack and then I headed outside. The front yard will wait, but the filter would at least get done. I open up the shed with the filtration system in it and right in front of me is a big-butted spider. He wasn't there the other day! He's in the way and I don't have my vacuum on me. I square my shoulders, this isn't going to stop me. I pull out the directions for changing the filter...that will stop me. Turn off the water source? What water source? Where is it coming from? How do I turn it off? Red release...what, red release button something, something... As I looked away from the directions that's when I noticed the second spider in the shed, right where my legs would go when I'm changing the filter. I narrow my eyes, "I hate you." I hiss at him, "and you too." to the big-butted spider. "And all bees!" At this point the annoying pain is un-ignorable. I grab my stuff, lock up the shed and head back towards the house. I had grabbed a pair of boots off of the deck and as I was headed through the gate I noticed a spider crawling on the boot. I started to beat it against the gate, I'm glad my neighbors weren't outside to see me doing this as I said over and over, "I'm done with nature!" And I am. I am not going out there anymore today. I just still can't believe I got stung by a bee...who does that anymore?

The watering hole? What's so great about the watering hole?*

Have you ever heard the idiom, "A jack of all trades but a master of none"? I think that applies to me. I know enough information about a lot of things, some of it for survival, some of it to impress people, some for fun, etc. What I lack is something that I am really good at (because I realize it's not the English language, I can't think how to NOT end that sentence with a preposition). Sometimes I wonder if this goes against my innate abilities. Is it possible for me to be a master of a trade? Or am I doomed to learn just enough about whatever I need.

I blame the undiagnosed learning disability. The same one that makes it impossible for me to follow anything that has a word in it I can't pronounce...for example, science class. Words I can't pronounce get skipped over as though they don't even exist...and that can lead to failure in the end. So if a topic isn't laid out for me in simple terms, it gets skipped over.

Let's talk about the water filtration system for the house. I have a well, and Dad has no experience with this type of thing and therefore, was no help. I couldn't even google it correctly for a long time so therefore, nothing got done. I found a piece of paper out by the filtration system and I started to carry it around with me like a Golden Ticket. Except I didn't understand it. All I knew was that it gave a brand name (Whirlpool) and a new set of googleable words (yes... googleable). With this new information...I googled. I not only googled, I took it to the next level, I Lowes-ed it. I typed in the information to the search bar on the Lowe's website. Lowe (ha-ha) and behold...the piece of paper I had been carrying around was the label for the filter! And it's affordable! And it comes in a two pack! And it has directions that mean absolutely nothing to me on the back! Victory folks. Small...and yet big. Will this stop the sulfur smell? I don't know, I'm hoping so.

This small victory is sweet, I feel like throwing my head back and laughing a high pitched, chipmunk laugh like the little cat from Emperor's New Groove. I have almost overcome the filtration system. I say almost because 25% of the battle is getting the filter, another 25% will be figuring out what the directions are requiring of me. The last 50% will be consumed by figuring out what the three big tanks that are part of the filtration system do and what I, as the home owner, am to do with them. Oh, and there's something about water softening salt, I think one of the tanks handles that.

First the filtration system, next the AC, move on from there to the screens, one day I will replace the windows and the siding on the house, then the roof will probably need to be replaced by that point, redo the deck slowly - piece by piece, put ceiling fans in the other bedrooms, get a new dishwasher...yeah...owning a home is great.

...And one day...I'll actually know what I am doing.

Come here, sausage. I take you with ketchup!*

It's Saturday night and you're on a date. Your list of supplies include:

• A gallon of vanilla ice cream
• Chocolate Sprinkles
• Assorted cookies
• Gummy snacks
• Knives, spoons, tweezers, forks, etc.

You stand before your pallet

And contemplate it's fate.



The answer seems so clear to your mind. It's a gallon of very cold ice-cream, and you just so happen to have an obsession with those adorable, flightless, Sphenisciformes...penguins, people. Ice cream = cold, penguins = gluttons for coldness, and ice-cream penguin = genius.

In case you haven't gathered, Saturday night I went on a date with Aaron, and after dinner our activity was ice-cream sculpting. Pretty much my main contribution (as I lack any artistic talent) was deciding what we should make and I chose penguin (are you really surprised?). So we Googled up some penguins and this guy became our inspiration, our student model if you will.

I have named him Frank.

After that we got to work cutting out the body and using the remains to make the head. Aaron used an exact-o knife to cut out the feet from cookies.

And before long we had a Frank-clone (named: Clone-Frank) right before out eyes!

This is before arms/wings and before we attempted to use chocolate sprinkles on the head and chin strap. My favorite part is the melted ice-cream on the board, looks like Clone-Frank was malting.

Even after sticking Clone-Frank back into the freezer a few times we couldn't slow down the melting ice-cream and its honey-like viscosity, as Clone-Frank's face was ravaged and deformed. The chocolate sprinkles didn't stand a chance, the gummy snack eyes were next. The nose however, stood it's ground...or should I say its face? Aaron and I contemplated sticking him back in the freezer, but then thought better. Clone-Frank had met his life expectancy and we were now to eat.

Aaron thought it would be best to just go in with a knife.

Amazingly thought, Clone-Frank's throat bubbled slightly and sealed off the incision. I think we underestimated the regenerative powers of ice-cream...and Clone-Frank's for that matter. Sensing that this was possibly like Highlander, Aaron cut Clone-Frank's head off (seeing as how this is a family-friendly blog I will not post the horrendous pictures).

For those of you wondering how I handled the chocolate conundrum, fear not. Clone-Frank's backside was nothing but pure vanilla goodness.

Photo taken before Clone-Frank's demise

Ice-Cream Penguin, it can be done, it should be done.