Saturday, June 5, 2010

Is there air? You don't know!*

I have officially had it with nature! I woke up early today, I went walking with Kathryn and then I came home to mow the lawn. I had a lot on my list of things to do today. Walking (was running but walking is just as good), mow the lawn, do the dishes, change the filter, do a little gardening maybe, shower and get ready for the day. That was just this morning's agenda. I am officially out of commission, and I'll tell you why.

This guy, that's why. I was mowing the lawn and I felt this sharp pain to the right of my knee cap. Not actually unusual for me to feel a sharp pain from time to time. But then the pain persisted. I thought for a moment and was like, "Could be a bee sting. No, couldn't be a bee sting, I don't get stung by bees."

It's true, I haven't been stung by a bee since I was a child. So for me, knowing if it was a bee sting was difficult (this is the girl who didn't know her foot was broken cause she didn't know what it felt like to break something inside of you). I looked down and sure enough, there was a bee on my shoe. They die right? When they sting you? At least that's what I was asking myself out in my backyard as I flicked him off my shoe. The pain persisted though, so I hobbled inside. I got into the house and grabbed some poison ice (the filter still isn't changed, so the ice coming out of that machine is unclean). The pain got really bad so I took off my pants and as I did so I found culprit number two. What kind of perverted bee flies up some one's pants? It's downright rude. I ran to the back and got the vacuum...cause the vacuum is the world's greatest invention and perfect for quick bug fixes...but when I came back he was gone. I didn't have a chance to focus on this because the pain started shooting up my leg! "I'm dying!" I called out, I could be allergic and not even know. What do people do for bee stings? If I'm allergic how long do I have before the anaphylaxic shock? Stay calm Jessica...Google it. And guess what? No bueno, none of the sites really helped me. One said to make sure the stinger is out...the stinger could still be in my leg!?!? I'm still being poisoned!?!?! I run into the bathroom to hold my leg up to the light, what does the stinger look like? A splinter? There was nothing there, nothing at all, unless the stinger is microscopic, in which case, how the heck am I supposed to find it? What if it went all the way inside my skin and is now surfing through my life force? How much venom can one little bee pack?

I read up on what it's going to be like, an "annoying pain" for a few moments, then a dull ache, then just tender around injection site for a few days. Tender, I can deal with it being tender, just wait for the annoying pain to subside. But apparently a few minutes to me is different than a few minutes to the author of this article, it's been well over twenty minutes and even now it's still the annoying pain.

Anyway, I thought the pain had gone away so I grabbed a different pair of pants because I wasn't chancing this. I shook my shoes out in case the monster had decided to fly in there for one more attack and then I headed outside. The front yard will wait, but the filter would at least get done. I open up the shed with the filtration system in it and right in front of me is a big-butted spider. He wasn't there the other day! He's in the way and I don't have my vacuum on me. I square my shoulders, this isn't going to stop me. I pull out the directions for changing the filter...that will stop me. Turn off the water source? What water source? Where is it coming from? How do I turn it off? Red release...what, red release button something, something... As I looked away from the directions that's when I noticed the second spider in the shed, right where my legs would go when I'm changing the filter. I narrow my eyes, "I hate you." I hiss at him, "and you too." to the big-butted spider. "And all bees!" At this point the annoying pain is un-ignorable. I grab my stuff, lock up the shed and head back towards the house. I had grabbed a pair of boots off of the deck and as I was headed through the gate I noticed a spider crawling on the boot. I started to beat it against the gate, I'm glad my neighbors weren't outside to see me doing this as I said over and over, "I'm done with nature!" And I am. I am not going out there anymore today. I just still can't believe I got stung by a bee...who does that anymore?


Joanna and Ben said...

I'm sorry you had a nasty run-in with nature. Well, 5 run-ins actually. That's pretty impressive. It does hurt like the dickens though. And that quote is from Galaxy Quest.

G Sauce said...

Ice and baking soda help with the sting and the soreness.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...