We put the "fun" in dysfunctional

Warning: This blog entry is not for the faint of heart. If you are taking medication, currently use an inhaler, or are breast feeding, pregnant or could ever become pregnant in your life, or ever have been pregnant then please close your eyes and scroll really quickly to a more pleasant entry.











...I wasn't kidding. There are pictures so please be cautious!












Fine...read on at your own risk but don't hold me accountable for anything that may happen to you.

Yesterday, as many of my American readers are aware, was Labor day. I went to my parent's house for the celebrations of the Day of Labor. Little did I know that the day, which started out innocently enough, would turn into an evening of mystery and intrigue!

We had eaten dinner (which is a horror story in and off itself, not because of the food, not because of my immediate family, but because of one extension...I'm not going to talk about it, I can't stand it, it's too much....okay, fine you talked me into it, slight digression before we get into the gore). My aunt lives at my parent's house (I know right?) so I was bugged with her already from annoying events before which I really will leave out. When dinner was ready I grabbed a plate from the table and went to get some food on it. I came back and my aunt was setting her plate in my spot. I stood there and said, "That's my spot!" (I'm the youngest of six and one of the times you can really tell is when I am with my family). She apparently didn't hear me and walked off to get something. I stare at my sister-in-law who is supposed to be sitting by me and she gives me a look. I stand there, not budging on this because of the said events earlier of which I will not speak just know that she's been ticking me off all day. When she comes back I say, "Uh that's my spot, I was sitting there, that's my seat." I gave her three different ways to understand that she had to move. She laughed and said, "Oh that's why there wasn't a plate there." Biting my tongue at this moment...what did you think when every spot had a plate except that one? So I put my plate down and grab what I thought was my chair, but then I realize that there are only two chairs on our side of the table. I give the chair I had to my sister-in-law and go to the kitchen to grab one that had stuff all over it. I'm in the process of carefully setting down the stack of things that were on the chair and my aunt comes in and takes the chair...I didn't panic at this point because I thought possibly she was taking it in there for me because she felt bad about taking my plate spot in the first place. I round the corner and she is sitting in my chair! She took it for herself!! So I don't have a chair! This woman had done nothing but annoy me all day. I left the room, trying to control my anger. I hear my mom mention that there is a folding chair upstairs. So Auntie runs up the stairs and gets it....I went outside to calm down. When I came back in guess where the folding chair was?? In my spot! She took, no stole my chair and then gave me the folding one!? The folding chair is much lower by the way, so I sit down and feel like an idiot at the table. I look at my sister who just burst into laughter because she knows someone is about to be murdered by me. She's laughing so hard she runs from the table, I take this as an opportunity to run from the table too because I'm so mad. I run in after my sister who thinks I'm coming to hit her (have I ever? Not that I recall...not this sister at least). I asked my sister if I could just sit at the kid table because I don't feel like I'll be able to control what I say to my aunt. So Kat (my sister) starts opening up a space (the best part being that to do this she is moving children who are sitting in chairs and the children don't say anything about it, they have a story to tell or something so they keep talking to her as she moves them...if you did that to an adult they would ask you what you are doing). When she starts moving chairs I realize I'd rather eat sitting across from my aunt than risk getting prechewed food on me so I tell her never mind. The rest of dinner went well, I just pretended my aunt wasn't there. There...now you know it, I'm a brat. I'm so ashamed.

But on to the mystery and intrigue. After dinner we were building a fire to roast marshmallows because that's something you should do every summer holiday (no sarcasm, I'm serious on this one...I love roasted marshmallows as some of you remember). But the festivities are cut short by the announcement that we are to have a squirrel funeral. (close your eyes because a picture of said squirrel is next, I'll put space so you can scroll quickly).

I'm aware that having this picture makes me morbid, but I feel it is necessary. If you can even figure out which part is the squirrel...can you figure out it's cause of death? And how long has it been dead because that could change things quite a bit...

The children (plus Kat) gather for the funeral. Kathryn asks if anyone has anything to say. Theo says, "Thanks for digging up the flowers." Which leads to the mystery part. Theo obviously knows the squirrel, has seen him digging up the flowers before...is it motive? What was his tone? I can't remember, was it hateful? sad? remorseful?

Then Samantha decides to make her acting debut and starts a long monologue about the squirrel (this was probably due to our reaction of laughing to Theo's remark). She's quite the actress, was she just pretending to be upset over the death of this squirrel? I didn't see any tears with her audible sobs. What would her motive be?

Then it was my turn to say something. I walked up to the grave, looked down and said, "Humans 2, squirrels 0." and turned to walk away.